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Empathize and talk her through it. Definitely hold her if she lets me. After she starts calming down I suggest she take deep breaths and use her words to express herself. Mostly we just try to avoid triggers - hunger and being tired are big ones. We always give multiple warnings before transitions which has also helped and instead of telling her it's time to put x away, we invite her to be in control of the situation and make the decision by giving her choices.

@Adira: yeah putting her in the crib is also where she goes to time out, but it helps her calm down either way so I don't know what else to do. And I think putting her in the crib and walking away is better than me screaming at her, which has also happened... It's hard.

We haven't had too many yet, since he'll be 2.5 at the end of the month. When he does tantrum, we usually ignore.

I don;t discipline for emotional tantrums--i.e., he can't have a cookie so he flips out and tantrums. I just let him know it's ok to be angry and when he's ready to talk I'm right there. If it's a behavioral tantrum (i.e. I am trying to get his pajamas on and he is just flipping out and screaming and running away, I will use consequences--no bedtime stories if he doesn't cooperate. But honestly, the screaming doesn't bother me-it's running away from me when I am trying to get something done that I discipline for. He can be upset and scream and yell to show he's upset, that's fine. Unless we're in a museum or something--which actually happened last weekend, and a security guard ended up saying something to him, which scared him and shut him up!

For my DD ignoring worked the best or sending her to timeout to calm down - she could calm herself down w/o us intervening

For DS when he had a huge tantrum I had to hold him very tightly in my lap - he fought me tooth and nail but he could not calm down on his own. After a few minutes he would calm down and then we could gentle talk about his behavior - I also noticed that more times than not once he calmed down he wanted to stay in my lap for a bit longer - I think he felt safe there.

@Kemma: we watched the Daniel Tiger where they "give a squeeze nice and slow, take a deep breath, and let it go"... my toddler watches it and says "but I don't want to take a breath!" She just wants to be contrary right now and is driving me insane.

@charlotte: I just texted my husband that I'm leaving the toddler at the fire station. Is that the kind of day you're having too?

@charlotte: yes what I really want to do is scream in her face to make her stop. But I know that wouldn't even help so I resist. And try to remind myself that this is a short term phase. I hope. Oh and that I am the adult and she's only two.

@charlotte: at lunch today she started crying because I wouldn't take the orange piece I had just swallowed out of my mouth and give it to her. For real.

@Applesandbananas: sorry to thread jack. It's been a rough day...

We sometimes have to do timeouts for tantrums too, but usually because NOTHING else works We give her choices (you can sit with me and take deep breaths, or do time out), we ignore, we validate her feelings, and whatever we do sometimes it escalates. Last night I ended up doing a timeout where I was sitting in it with her and she was SUPER violent with me, then the second the timer beeped she THREW herself in my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck and broke down sobbing. It was HEARTBREAKING, but also seemed an effective way to end the tantrum??

@AggieDaze: Ours is 2 years, 8 months too. I find screen time leads to more tantrums (not necessarily tantrums *about* screen time, if that makes sense). I think it shortens their patience.

@JoJoGirl: @AggieDaze: yeah I feel like the extra screen time could be leading to more tantrums- about more shows and about everything else. But I'm so spent and she was sick and we couldn't go anywhere for so long, we watched more. Bad cycle.

So, we are not dealing with toddler tantrums yet (DS is about to turn 18 months), but we've been dealing with these mini tantrums lately that have sorta come out of nowhere and throwing us for a loop (and its making me scared for full on toddler meltdowns). Not sure if its applicable, but this is what we've been doing that's actually been helping:

- DH and I try mostly to keep DS safe when he throws his tantrums. Our first goal is to give him a safe space to have a fit so we will do thins like move him from hard flooring, pick him up off the sidewalk, or away from furniture he can bang into. Sometimes this makes the tantrum worse temporarily, but ultimately if he gets hurt during a tantrum, it makes him atomic so its worth it.

- We bring ourselves physically down to his level. We're trying really hard to incorporate this more during play time and snuggle time too, because we find it puts him in a much better mood and less likely to throw a fit. So instead of pulling him up to us on the couch or table, or standing over him, we go sit down on the floor or lay inside his tent with him and engage him eye to eye. When he's having a tantrum, it seems to help him calm down faster when I plotz myself down at his level and just murmur something over and over like "I have no idea what's bothering you, but I'm here" or "Its okay buddy, you're okay" or "I'm sorry you're upset, but no is no." If he lets me, I'll hug him or pat his back at the same time. If not, I will just try to sit next to him or leave a small bowl of snacks next to him and stay nearby.

- If the adults are too pissed off and aggravated, we walk away and try to collect ourselves. Ideally, we tag another parent in, but if not, we keep most of the house childproofed and keep certain rooms locked and off-limits, so if Mom or Dad have to step away to cool off, we know DS can at least continue screaming safely for a minute or two while we calm down. Then we return and try to do the whole "get down at eye level" thing.

- My son tends to be an introvert and gets easily overstimulated, so sometimes if we know the tantrum stems from that, we will just go sit in a dark room or lay on our bed in the dark together for a while. Other times, he really does need to be alone and we'll get a tip off because he'll often he be having that type of fit in his own room. In that situation, we walk away and let him do his thing and it will usually end with him playing quietly alone with his toys.