Hellobee Boards

I'm in the same boat with my 4.5 year old (he told me to "shut it" last night when I scolded him for throwing a toy at his infant sister! Wtf?!?). I threatened to take away iPad privileges the next day, which just brought on a big dramatic episode while I was trying to get his sister to bed (my husband picked a great time to be gone on a work trip!). I'm not sure I'm handling things correctly and I didn't follow through on my threat because he apologized for being rude and I chalked it up to being tired. I'm worried that my actions were permissive of that behavior, though.

DS is younger (2.5), but we handle it the same was as @ShootingStar. The only difference is I qualify it with saying that we don't speak that way to grown-ups. The reason behind this is he's very black and white with things and saying it wasn't a nice way to talk would result in him telling me when I said "clean up your toys" that I wasn't talking nice. He's a con artist so I have to be one step ahead.

Meanie mom here: I'd have gotten down on his level, used my low tone voice and calmly said that whatever toys he didn't want to clean up would be taken away until he was polite enough to earn them back. We don't have many rules in my house, but talking back that way (beyond, perhaps, a child repeating something they don't understand), is completely unacceptable to me. I also would have taken the time to explain how I felt about his tone/words. I feel if a child is old enough to experiment with this type of disrespect, then a warning isn't enough (my kids don't respond well to warnings anyway).

I've had to do this before, once or twice per child. And I followed through, usually giving back toys the next day. In one case, I gave them back 1-2 at a time throughout the day, each time encouraging respectful communication. And my children - including my foster children - learn quickly to listen the first time and to figure out our expectations. While no one is perfect, my children usually DO learn to listen the first time (at least at home).

It's hard for kids at this age sometimes, because they are not only testing limits, they are learning that talking with friends vs talking with parents is a different form of communication.

@winniebee: Wow, that sounds a lot like what we've been hearing lately from our preschooler from the food is bad, you're not listening to me, full body tantrums, etc.

I have been putting my daughter (3.5) in bed every time she throws a screaming/ whining and crying fit or talks back. I tried time out but she kept acting out for more attention. Now she has to sit alone on her bed until she can be nice. If she gets a book or a toy I take it and put it on top of my desk for the rest of the day. It has been working fabulously- she doesn't get positive or negative attention plus she is away from me so I don't lose my temper and yell at her (which escalates the issue)

We do the same as @tlynne or, depending on the child, quietly and seriously inform them that they may have one try to use their words again in a respectful way or they lose a privilege.

@Mommy Finger: My son did this sometimes and I teach preschool and hear a lot of sassy "backtalk". It used to take me by surprise & ruffle my feathers, but I've fallen into the habit of staying neutral and sort of going around the issue. So if a kid said "YOU clean up your toys", I'd say "Hmm, I have no toys here, but I can still see yours over there. You should tidy those up; let me know if you need anything" and then just go about my business. After a few times of me responding to the words they're saying instead of their tone, they usually give up.

I don't let it phase me ... we are pretty consistent about setting expectations and explaining the natural consequence. If she talks back, I listen - if her argument makes sense or is a question, I kindly guide her through it ... if she's being rude with her response, we'll ask her to try again, because we speak kindly in our family. So far, it helps. I know she has little to no impulse control, so I do everything I can to not be reactive (or she'll feed off of it, and talk back more).