My toddler had a meltdown when I took away a bulb aspirator that she found in my bag. She screamed her head off for almost 10 minutes and rolled around the living room floor. I tried to distract her with books and toys but that didn't work so I ignored her. My parents are visiting this week and they think I'm a bad mom for letting her cry so long! I think I would have handled it differently if we were out in public but this was in my house!
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You are not a bad mom! I actually think it's detrimental to kids to have their discipline/routine suspended for visitors. Then, they learn that visitors = free-for-all. You did the right thing. My sister and her husband are strict, but their children are extremely well behaved. Their youngest has always been more tantrum prone, and when he tries to do that with guests, they do the same thing they always do---he has to go to his room and stay by himself until he can behave. Even when we're all visiting (from out of town). Even if it's Christmas day. Even if his friend is over.
It works. He always calms down within minutes and then comes back, acting better.
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I would do just like you did, except inside I would be dying with shame... I get embarrassed so easily!!
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I try my best to discipline the same way, and for that split moment I don't think about how guests (usually family) judge me. It doesn't matter what my approach is, and I will still be criticized.
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@mrbee: I was soooo embarrassed. My mom told me her children never behaved like this so I must have been an angel!
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@autumnlove: Sometimes I think our parents have a little bit of a selective memory!!
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Over something like that, I would have just ignored/let her cry.
I can't wait to tell my daughters that they never behaved like that when they have kids!!!
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I just do whatever I would have done if no one was there.
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@Mrs. Jacks: same!
it's embarrassing and some of my friends probably think i'm too stern or even mean, but we really believe in being consistent!
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I actually feel better about myself for disciplining lo when other people are there then if I give in. I don't want people to think I spoil her too much.
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Sigh, my mom had a chat with me last night after LO went to sleep. She told me LO has changed so much since the last time she saw her...when she was a quiet 11 months old and the change isn't for the better. She reminded me that her children never fussed like that, blah, blah.
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I would've done the exact same thing. I went over to a friend's house once and her daughter was throwing a massive tantrum. She totally ignored her and I didn't think that was wrong in any way. One of my discipline rules is that tantrums get ignored.
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@autumnlove: Aw, it's hard to be criticized by your parents. I lost it with my dad once when he was telling me how to parent my DD, and I reminded him that "I'm the parent, not you!" and he hasn't said anything like that since. I don't usually talk to him that way, but it really just literally popped out of my mouth. Hopefully she keeps her opinion to herself from now on!
We let our kids throw their tantrums when family is around, but if it was someone else, we may try to end it faster using other methods (aka bribes haha)
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I think you handled that perfectly, in my opinion. Like other's have said, parents seem to have selective memory on their own children, so don't take that to heart! You are setting boundaries and telling LO that visitors do not = acting out time. I hope to handle things as well as you when my LO does the same thing! Major hugs.
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@autumnlove: um, I wouldn't worry about what your mom said. My mom also makes comments like this sometimes and I've realized just learned to let it roll off my back. Grandparents only see a little snippet of life with our LOs, so their view of things might not be all that accurate.
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