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There are adoption grants but I believe they are towards fostering or adoption of older children. My close friend of mine is saving up to adopt an older child and she posts info about adoption grants and such.

As for international adoption and for me since I have infertility, IVF out of pocket is at about $17K for me. There are guaranteed IVF plans that cost more like $28K range, but doesn't include meds. I considered adoption because I heard it was $5k, but I looked further into it and it was for adopting/fostering older children. We wanted an infant/ newborn and from an asian country so that is when I looked at the international adoptions and they were $25-30K.

At that point, it was adoption or IVF. International infant adoption or guaranteed 'take home' IVF plan? What to choose... hmmm?? We were headed towards the adoption route but I could tell the DH really wanted to try for a child of his own, so that's why we switched to IVF. (Of course, I got diagnosed and instead of proceeding to IVF, we are going to go back to IUIs for now.)

I have the funds for IVF and it's saved from selling stock (separate from retirement and 401K). People have asked for assistance through friends and family, but I just don't want to do that, at this point.

I know there are tax breaks or deductions for adoption costs and medical expenses (which IVF would qualify for). You still need to money to pay for the adoption/ IVF up front, so not sure if it helps. You still need the money unless you finance it.

Yup, so to answer your question, yes, it's just a lot of saving.

ETA: Looking back at my IF journey, including my upcoming IUI cycles, I will have spent about $7K on IUIs, meds and tests. Yeah, I could have adopted an older child by now. Our path is our path. I just have to keep looking forward and reaching for the prize.

I believe it is free through foster care. My sister used to supervise an agency.

@Dandelion: @Mrs. Pen: I know a family fundraising for their international adoption of two older children. They feel "called" to adopt & so their church family & extended religious network is helping them fulfill this calling, much like they might support a missionary.

To each their own & I think this family will make amazing parents (and siblings) to these girls... But I have a different philosophy on adoption so personally I would not take that route. If we were to adopt it would not be as a religious mission to save orphans, it would just be to expand our family in a different way. In that case I would not feel right asking for financial help other than graciously accepting the usual gifts that come with a new child

ETA: I have always wanted to adopt if the situation was right. Like you Mrs Pen, I have always been emotionally drawn to it, and know a lot of great adoptive families. But I don't think we will ever be able to afford it without sacrificing elsewhere (retirement, college, etc) and providing for our existing family has to take priority. Perhaps we might consider a special situation down the road such as foster-to-adopt but already having a child, we would need to be very thoughtful about how that could affect our family dynamic. (All new siblings change family dynamics of course & you can never know what to expect but we would just have to be realistic about what we would be able to anticipate.)

@Mrs. Pen: for us that ended up not being an issue either. It just is for many people and I wa addressing my thoughts to blue striped bee's post.

As for church groups championing adoption, personally I take issue with that because ultimately raising a chil is so much more than just raising them to believe in god the same way as our church does. There are articles on some groups where adopting to save a soul is encouraged and the adopted child has died of abuse. Of course the vast majority of situations are not like that at all, but it gets more confusing when motives are mixed.

I'm in no way saying this is your intention or your church's intention. I just think there has to be an element of selfishness to having a child because the resources you have to devote to them will suck you dry otherwise. I strongly believe that adoption is not equal to altruism... An whenever people say M is lucky, I always correct them and say "no, I'm the lucky one!"

@daniellemybelle: I agree with you that adoption shouldn't be a mission thing. You should want a child in your home because you love them. Not to do them any favors.

@Dandelion: @Mrs. Jacks: Agreed. I feel bad saying that because having the desire to help children in need is wonderful, and I would never judge others' motives (assuming they are good parents which the vast majority are). It's just not my point of view on adoption, or how we would frame the situation if we were to adopt. Ultimately I am not an adoptive parent though so my opinion is just an opinion!

@hotchildinthecity: Excited for you that is a large figure though! Remind me your adoption plans?

@hotchildinthecity: So exciting! I thought that you had a waiting child in mind. !

@Mrs. Pen: we looked at all adoption programs and based on the time you need to stay in country, what we qualified for, how many children were available, etc we narrowed it down to china or korea. It just so happened that the little boy we were interested in is in korea so we are pursuing that path. Since initially deciding, we have learned more about korea itself and how wonderful their adoption process is. Children live in foster homes (not orphanages) and get great medical care.

@Mrs. Pen: Definitely not. Like others on this thread, I do see potential issues with framing adoption as "rescuing" a child but ultimately, that is up to the family to sort out. Even if my philosophy does not line up with another family's, I am happy for anyone adding to their family! The family I know personally has a different approach than I would have but I am really happy for them. I agree that's rare that it would become an unhealthy situation (though those stories do happen & are heartbreaking).

@Mrs. Pen: We'll be saving + fundraising, but most of the costs will need to be covered by fundraising, since we don't make very much. We are blessed in that our church is a huge champion for adoption, and they will help with the fundraising process. I've got lots of other fundraising ideas, but it will be a while until they're put into use -- we probably won't even start the process for another 5-6 years. Whatever your motives are for adopting, it's expensive. If you want a baby & someone is willing to help you get there, why not let them? It takes a village, right?

And, I just wanted to quickly touch on the motives topic. I want to adopt because God impressed it on my heart when I was very young. It's always something I've felt called to do. My motivations are spiritual. But, I also see nothing wrong with the viewing adoption as helpful or philanthropic. Of course if you believe your child "owes" you something for adoption him/her, that's not philanthropic. Once you've been in a third-world orphanage, held those babies, and experienced their desperation for love firsthand... you have no idea. I've been there. I've been asked (by multiple children) if I would take them home. I've seen their tears as yet another person leaves them behind. They are generally happy, beautiful children, but they have a deep, deep sadness that only the love of a family can erase. Yes, sending resources to them is helpful. We sponsor children & make donations. But, there is no amount of money that can hug these children, tuck them in at night, kiss their faces. They'll never have parents unless they are adopted. Leaving these precious babies behind ripped my heart out. I wanted to bring them all with me. I want someone to adopt them - hug, kiss, love them. If that means a family needs to raise money, so be it. Whatever the cost - these kids are worth it.

@Mrs. Pen: Oh no, not at all! I was trying to say that there are long lines and lots of people waiting for international adoption, which is why it is so expensive. The kids who are truly legally free internationally will get placed. It is the buearocracy that keeps those kids in foster programs or orphanages for so long. It's the foster kids that really are hurting for homes.

If I still had my orphanage connections in Uganda, I might consider it... But I know the government and pitfalls there. It was so easy to work in the orphanage when I lived there and say "oh these kids just want to be loved and I should take a child home".

But when you live there long enough, you realize some of the kids get picked up by family when the family can afford it. Some may have an opportunity for local placements, which should be preferrable to international placements. Situations that seem clear at a snapshot in time really aren't. So in short, it's complicated...

Despite all that, I would never dissuade anyone from adopting if that's what they wanted to do for their family. But saying that it's for the kid makes me want to assure that families know what they are getting in to. I hope some of the other adoptive moms weigh in on this conversation because I'm clearly not expressing myself well when it comes across that I'm anti international adoption

We scrimped and saved, a friend threw a fundraiser for us, we had a lot of family and friends give us monetary gifts, and my husband's workplace has an adoption assistance program. When we first started the adoption process, we weren't quite sure how we would end up paying for it, but between all of those things, it worked out perfectly!

There were also a lot of grants that I wanted to apply for, but most of them required that you apply for them after your homestudy was completed, but before you were placed with a child. Since we were placed with our baby 3 weeks after our homestudy was done, we didn't have time to apply for any grants. But there are SO many, so that is definitely an option!