Hellobee Boards

I think a good amount of it can be taught and then reinforced via certain situations. i.e. if your mom and dad always telling you what an awesome speshul snowflake you are, then you proceed to kick ass at everything, well, you might end up thinking you're the shit.

I think some people who don't believe in themselves have just been knocked down one too many times...repeated experiences like that can really wear on you.

My mother is very shy. Definitely not the type to pick up a conversation when out and about. She never befriended neighbors or other moms. She never took me to play groups or classes. I didn't go to school until Kindergarten - she was home and I'm sure she saw daycare or preschool as a waste and unnecessary.
When I first got to Kindergarten all the kids knew each other and already had friends. I was really shy and not confident at all. It took me until junior high to really break out of my shell.
I'm not always so confident but I always encourage (myself and) J to try new things, classes, playgroups, etc.

wow we were just discussing this last night. i was saying how the #1 thing i want to pass on to our daughter is confidence. i was an insanely confident child and i genuinely think i was just born that way. i was never afraid to ask questions, speak up in class or be myself 100%. i am a bit in awe of the child version of me because looking back it's so impressive. my husband is an introvert and was very shy growing up. it wasn't because of a lack of encouragment or reinforcement, i think it's just his nature. as we've grown up he has become more confident and i've become a bit more self conscience. i can't really answer your question but i wonder if our upbringing affected how our confidence levels changed as we aged. i think a certain amount of confidence needs to be innate thought and i REALLY hope my daughter gets that.

@Ajsmommy: to this day I still get nervous and shy at times but I force myself through it and am always glad that I did.

@Ajsmommy: ya the stories of me as a child from even before i remember are insane. i dunno where it came from but i think it benefitted me in a lot of ways. i was telling a story on the weekend about how i didn't like wearing my headgear to bed so i rocked it to my first day of school and every day after. no one EVER made fun of me for me because i was so confident, i just owned it. that is nuts to me now! haha.

@wonderstruck: wow love that... and agree with it 100% (as much as a non parent can agree). i really want to try to be this type of parent.

Our daughter is confident at home but less confident when she's at preschool. After our first parent teacher conference where the teacher said our lo really wouldn't talk, I started talking with our daughter more about conversations she can have with her friends and with her teacher and I started walking her to her classroom. The preschool had recommended dropping off kids three and older and letting one of the teachers walk them inside to build independence but she's three and she needs a bit more at this point to enter the classroom confidently. And making that small change has apparently helped a lot. She is still shy but talks to the teacher right away and is excited when one of her friends meet her at the classroom door.

Interesting question! I was always a shy, quiet child growing up. Presentation days were the worst. I Think in my case, it was just my natural personality as my parents were always very encouraging of everything I did. It took a lot of work to become more comfortable in my own skin. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was also not the most popular kid...I was always really chubby until high school and that did a huge number on my self esteem. It's funny, now I'm a lawyer and no one would ever guess that I was such a shy, scared kid. I'm not sure what I could do to instill confidence in my LO but that's def something I think about ofte

One of the things we have started doing is praising our LO for figuring things out and trying to avoid phrases about how they were born with a talent or are just naturally that way. It sounds odd to try and explain, but we trying at a young age to make sure we praise him for his endurance and problem solving and give him confidence in those rather than just thinking he was born able to do one thing and not another.

This came around after I read an article on what makes the difference between a child giving up on a school subject or sticking to it until they figure it out.

@Tanjowen: yes i read a similar article and agree with it 100%!!! praising kids for traits they are born with totally does a disservice to them. my whole life everyone went on and on about how smart i was so i NEVER tried in school. we probably read the same article, we are going to work really hard at doing just what you're doing.