Hellobee Boards

I'm not quite sure what I'd do because I don't know what the options are, but I felt that my other children were threatened, I'd consider some sort of permanent hospitalization or center.

I would do my best to keep them as part of the family unit!

I didn't read it but I've heard about the "I am the shooter's mother" blog post. Wagon Sr. and I talked extensively about it and I think that if trusted medical professionals thought the child posed a threat towards anyone in the family, I would find a way to pay for a private special needs boarding school or institution depending on the severity of their condition. It would be tough to maintain a family unit feel, but if there's a threat I would do everything in my power to protect everyone in the family, including the child.

This kind of reminds me of Max from the TV show Parenthood. And I like the approach they took from hiring an in-home behavioral therapist and sending him to a specialized school of similar kids until he was "well" enough to be send back into mainstream schools. I'd go to all lengths to help him find a "cure" and protect my family from outbursts.

This is my biggest fear. Like before I got pregnant I worried about this--what would I do if my kid turned out to be a serial killer?
I don't know what I would do but I know it would be fairly extreme. I might not be able to keep the family together and in my limited experience most of the marriages that have broken up were broken up due to inability to agree on care for a special needs child.
I guess this is one where you can't know until you're there.

I worry that my kid will suffer from mental disorders, probably not to this extreme, but both DH and I have a history of depression, and our family members run the gamut. I know that I will do everything in my power to recognize any signs and get them the help they need, including hospitalization if necessary. My parents ignored my depression signs for years, and treated it as if it was embarrassing to them-that is NOT the way to go.

@Thehistoryofus: Thank you! Yes, I am definitely in a happier place now! I try not to worry too much about it, because if they have problems, they have problems, and I will support them the best I can!

@Adira: yah powerful stuff that makes you ask yourself how far you would go to help your child.... at the expense of the rest of your family.

@Mrs. Bee: I'm amazed that the parents are still together! They spent 2.5 years basically living in separate apartments and just swapping back and forth so they could spend time with their children! How did they have any time for each other?? It's such a sad story, although I'm glad it had a happy-ish ending and that things are getting better!

My little sister has schizophrenia. It was adult onset, around the age of 22 when the first signs started showing up. She just managed to finish college, even though symptoms started rearing their head her last semester. That's a typical "average" age for females. For boys, severe psychiatric illnesses usually present themselves sooner, in the late teens. There are cases of them showing up VERY soon, but psychiatrist will *rarely* diagnose someone so young, even if they have every symptom in the book.

I think some of you maybe be underestimating inpatient care. Unless you are filthy rich, the good facilities are completely unattainable financially for most people. My dad passed away from cancer when I was in college, when my sister was in HS and still completely, in every way normal. He managed to leave my mother a not-huge sum of money in the bank, as well as an annuity and a smallish pension. My mother had been a teacher in Texas for almost 27 years, so bought out her last few years and retired early, then moved to another state and kept working full-time as a teacher.

When my sister reached her low point, we realized that she would need to be hospitalized. This is not as easy as it sounds. State hospitals only keep a patient--even if they are completely, off the rails insane, as my sister was at that point, for the minimum time, until they are "stabilized", which usually means drugged to a state of sleeping 22 out of the 24 hours a day. This usually takes 1-2 weeks for that amount of antipsychotic drugs to take effect. Then they release them. That part is paid by insurance (I hope you have good insurance!).

Then it's up to the family to find another solution. My mother was willing to do whatever she could afford, so we scoured the state for the best inpatient facilities, and I took time from work to fly there and help her go on visits. We found two places we liked. The cost was $11,000 a MONTH for one, and $8000 a MONTH for the other.

No, I am not joking. How many of you would be able to afford that much money, every month, for years on end? I would guess.....less than .5% of the US population.

My mother applied for a scholarship for the second place and got a financial need based scholarship, which reduced her monthly payment to $6,000 a month. Insurance kicked in a rather arbitrary monlthly payment of about $800 a month, which meant my mom paid $5,200 a month for my sister's treatment....for 16 months.

You can do the math on that. My mom had to start cashing in everything my dad had left her for her retirement---for my sister's daily care. But there were/are no alternatives! State hospitals will not take patients long term, and all private residence programs are similar in price.

However, even though that place was amazing, a person can't be put there permanently, even if they can afford it. So, after 16 months, my sister "graduated". She lived successfully with my mother for a year....and recently she secretly stopped taking her meds again and went off the rails again.

And now we're starting back at the beginning again. My sister is back in a state hospital (temporarily). We are looking for another longer-term solution. My mother is running out of money.

And again, our family is in a better-off situation financially than the average american family. Most families don't have an *extra* $62,000 a year for their child to be in in-patient care.

The other alternatives we've looked into are halfway houses....even private ones. These are sad places (one was even a mobile home! It was awful!) where there's no psychiatrist, but people running them have taken a state course to dispense psych meds and watch very drugged up patients. They will not take patients who are exhibiting violent tendencies.

Seriously, bees....I can tell you because my family is currently in this struggle. It's not easy. Even if you feel like you are financially equipped to do this for your child, you probably aren't. =(

Just wanted to give you all a realistic idea of what mental illness is like. Even in a highly-motivated, not bad off type of middle class family.

@Anagram: thank you for sharing your experience with this! The financial burden that falls upon families with members needing services is enormous! Most of DH's students are wards of the state because their families cannot care for them and can't afford the care that is needed. I hope your sister finds a great program and is able to stay on her meds & functioning soon!

@Anagram: Wow, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. I wish there were better alternatives out there Thank you for sharing your story.

I grew up with a brother who suffered from mental illness and substance abuse issues and experienced first hand how difficult it is to get your loved ones help even when they are young. Factors such as availability of inpatient programs and insurance funding unfortunately often take presence over doctor recommendation and parent and patient need. I would hope that if my daughter ever struggled like my brother did I would fight with all my power to get help. My brother is happy, independent and most importantly ALIVE because of my parents strength, support and willingness to always fight to get him the help he needed no matter what cost emotionally or financially.