I'm coming up on my first cycle after my last FET which resulted in a BFP and early loss. I'm really nervous about it. I don't know if I will be able to relax during the process at all. I don't want to be a big ball of stress. However I don't think I'll be able to shake the fear of another loss.
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My experience is different but just faith and hope. A bit of detachment as well from the process. I almost had to pretend like I didn't care. Now, I don't feel that way but I did initially.
Best wishes to you!
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I think I'm a bit strange, but in a way, I felt more hopeful and encouraged afterwards, when trying again. I had never gotten a BFP before, in three years of "natural" trying and then a year plus of multiple cycles of IUIs and an unsuccessful 1st fresh IVF and subsequent FET. So even though that first BFP ended in an early loss at 6 weeks, it gave me great comfort to know that my body could take that next step and allow implantation and start to nurture a pregnancy. Now that I've had a second very early loss with a chemical pregnancy in another cycle, I know that unfortunately any future BFP will definitely be clouded by a bit of fear and apprehension. But I am hopeful that my body can make it happen, once I give it the "right" embryo. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Wishing all the best for you.
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I was stressed the whole time, but I would always say to myself that this pregnancy or cycle wasn't the previous one. It ended being the one that stuck.
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@Leialou: Sorry for your loss! The first few months after our loss were hard. Eventually, we regained our hopeful TTC vibes, and conceived on our 5th month trying. So, it was hard, got easier, and then was very, very sweet to get our sticky BFP.
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The trying was hard but not so hard. What was harder were the 8 weeks after BFP. Because you are clouded with fear of loss again. That was how it went for me, personally. FX for you
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Jumping back into TTC helped me feel a lot better. And, knowing that it was possible for me to get pregnant made me feel a lot more determined and optimistic.
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It was rough, though we also had 10mo of trying under our belts at that point, then another loss 6mo later. So we were going through the motions, but it took a big toll on me emotionally.
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Terrifying and empowering. I had two "chemical pregnancies" with fets. I knew I wanted another baby and I couldn't figure out how to make it happen (I am convinced I lost them due to an allergic reaction). We went another path entirely and had quite the journey to get there. But it was empowering to have a plan and to implement it. With everything that happened, it should not have worked. Yet, it did. I didn't believe it or trust it and it is still hard to trust it. I am waiting for the bad thing to happen. There are so many different milestones: having the procedure, getting the positive test, have a beta, doubling at the second beta, the first ultrasound, each subsequent ultrasound. And of course all of the fears like when the sticks get lighter (just like last time). The first time is so innocent and hopeful.
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I found it really hard getting a BFN after my loss. I think, for me, it was like I had mentally pressed pause on my first pregnancy - it was like I was still pregnant, I was just waiting for my body to catch up. I was devastated when AF came again.
Once I did get pregnant, it was nerve wracking - of course it was - but I think it it often is, even if you haven't experienced a loss yourself.
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@Mrs. Confetti: I was like this, too. I was pretty enthusiastic about TTC after my loss, but the nerves came back after the second BFP.
@Leialou: Thinking of you, lady!!
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