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Very hard.

ETA: Walled you.

There were definitely some tough things to get through. I do really badly with sleep deprivation and my LOs both like to nurse all night long so when we have a baby I tend to get snippy with hubs. And he often doesn't realize just how much I do for the kids that he doesn't have to deal with. So yes, there can be some disagreements. But, nothing that we didn't come out the other side from just fine without needing any sort of outside help. For the most part I think just having the perspective that this is a season of life that will change is helpful. But if there are deeper issues (for instance, someone considering leaving, etc) then I wouldn't hesitate to see a marriage counselor.

Rough but not to the point of needing counseling. We both knew what was "wrong"... DD was born at a time when DH was super busy/stressed at work. We chose not to sleep train, and DD didn't STTN till 7-8 months. We didn't go on many dates b/c my mom was already chipping in with childcare so much that we felt bad asking her for more. So these factors definitely made us very cranky people at times, and also as a result we just did not invest enough into our relationship. BUT we made sure that we were both on the same page and whenever things slid down-hill, we would make an effort to make it better.

Getting pregnant again was actually tougher on our marriage! I think b/c we were finally at a pretty good place since DD is 19 mo, and then I suddenly got pregnant and DH is seriously neglected and had to take on a lot b/c I was super tired/sick. We've talked about it countless times and we're doing much better now that I'm tentatively feeling better...

We adjusted so well and had no issues with our first. D was a super easy baby and it felt like we just slid right into parenting and being a family of 3.

We are struggling now, though, 5 months into our 2nd. D is 3 and all that comes with that. And A is not an easy baby. We are also struggling financially so that's adding to the stress. Hubs says he thinks everything is ok, but I feel like we are a little disconnected and sometimes it seems like we barely speak to each other. We're going away together, just the 2 of us, for a weekend in September and I'm REALLY looking forward to it.

Our kiddo will be one in August. This year has been extremely hard, and there have been so many adjustments. Our relationship is different, and we've had plenty of arguements and continue to have some struggles. But our relationship has remained strong, and it's actually been less hard on our marriage than we expected. My husband is 100% not a baby person, so we knew it would be a challenge. He loves our daughter, and he's great with her, but he's looking forward to when she's a toddler instead of a baby.

I voted other. It kind of felt like we were on hold as a couple in terms of growth and enjoying each other. We didn't really argue although there were periods where we were extra snappy with one another. One thing that was harder than I expected is that meal times and car rides were basically my dd's version of hell so we lost that time to talk and connect. She's getting closer to 2 now and things are much better but I wouldn't say we are at a high point in our relationship (we've been together for 16 years.)

Very hard those first 18m. We were also fairly newlyweds which didn't help but still lots of adjustments. Having our second child went much smoother.

It was hard because we ended up having different somewhat parenting philosophies, which was impossible to predict until we'd actually had our first child. We sometimes still disagree on how to handle certain situations but we've gotten way better at compromising and being more laid back. I'm hopeful that when we have another those tough few months will be smoother since we've done it before and know what to expect from each other.

We didn't have a difficult first year and kind of feel into a good rhythm. It got difficult when I went back to work. Dh had a long commute and wouldn't see the baby awake during the week. All the household stuff fell to me along with all the baby care. I was tapped out.
Three months into it we were pregnant again, buying a house, renovating, and DH was starting a new company that required some of my help after hours.
Once she was born and I was back on leave things got easier again. DH now works close to home, can take time whenever we need him to.
Changing his work situation changed our family life and marriage for the better.
Thank goodness. I was at the end of my rope with his old company.

Like @KayKay: said, it was hard on our marriage because it was hard on me. Before DS I had always agreed with DH that I would become a SAHM. I went from working 50 hours a week to dealing with a TERRIBLE newborn, who screamed 12 hours a day. I took it reallllly hard, and our relationship suffered because I needed to get myself healthy. On top of that I'm high sleep needs, so for the first 8 weeks, I don't even know who I was. I've never seen that side of myself. Now at 7 months it feels like thing are starting to get into a rhythm, and we're doing much better already.

I don't want to jinx it, but so far our first year as parents has been easier than expected on our marriage. Our son's only 10 months, but so far, so good.

I read all this stuff about how hard the first year is on a marriage and was really prepared for that. I went so far as discussing with my husband that no matter how bad it got, we shouldn't consider divorce in the first year of parenthood, just because the first year is hard and people say it gets easier.

But then, it just hasn't been that bad. Yes, we can get cranky with each other when we're tired. Yes, there's a lot more to do now that baby is here. But we've slid into parenting pretty well.

I think a big part of that is that we both took 12 weeks parental leave. I took mine right after birth (he just took a week of vacation right after the birth), we overlapped by 2 weeks, then he had 10 weeks home alone with the baby while I went back to work full time. I think it was really good for both of us to have some time alone with the baby. For households with two working parents, I highly recommend that both parents stay home for at least a solid week alone with baby.

We also make a concerted effort to make time for our marriage. We try to do a date at least once or twice a month. Some of those are going to the theater and we hire a babysitter. Some of those are when we take a day off work and send the baby to daycare - last Friday we had sex, napped, had lunch, and went to the movies. And once every month or two we send him to Granny's / Aunt's for an overnight. It can be a pain to organize, but it so worth it to have the time to reconnect.

And the other biggie that helps our marriage is that we both make an effort to take care of ourselves and make sure we're getting what we each need. I dropped down to working 4 days per week and my husband has two weekdays off per month, and we both use that time to recharge and get errands done. Having that time really lowers the overall stress in the house.

We had an easy transition. But we've moved twice to diff cities since our first and dh's schedule got insane when we had a baby and toddler. That was hard to find time to spend together. And then once his schedule started getting better I got pregnant with our third and was exhausted Right now we're just looking at it as tiring work to build the foundation we want. And we've def had to learn to communicate around the exhaustion. Nobody is up for any serious talk when they can barely keep their eyes open.

I don't know if "bad" is the right word for us, but "challenging", definitely for sure. Mostly the sleep deprivation and that's honestly more my problem than DH because he falls asleep really quickly and easily and manages to get more sleep that way--I have issues with insomnia and coupled with baby sleep problems, I just never slept and was constantly in a bad mood. So that's obviously not good for marriage, haha.

I've been lucky in a couple of ways---my husband parents his ass off when he is home. So we are pretty equitable with parenting and chores around the house, so that helps with general resentment.

And then just recently, like that past couple of months, we have added back in date nights. It seems like a small thing, but we had had 1 date in the 11 months since LO2 was born (and no nights away) and although normally, my husband *hates* spending money on a babysitter, our nanny needed some extra hours, so I convinced him to do a date night 2-3 times a month. It has done WONDERS for us, truly. And we weren't, like..hashing out problems. We just went out and enjoyed each other and I have noticed that our small spats have decreased dramatically in the last 6 weeks. Dramatically.

We had a rough night last night with a sick baby and before, I absolutely would have thrown out some barbs at DH out of general frustration over being awake at 2 am for hours with a screaming child. But instead, we just worked really well together and managed to be nice to each other and trade off holding the screaming baby.

SO I guess our problems were not too severe if they were solved by date nights. But definitely, things have been a little rocky after each kid was born for a while.

We definitely had general life-and-raising-a-newborn challenges, and I struggled with PPD/PPA for a brief period, but we were lucky that it didn't impact our marriage. DH stepped up tremendously, more than words can describe. We haven't really argued about any of it. It's probably safe to say it strengthened our bond.

@Anagram: I wish that we had more date nights or day dates. Our last sushi date was a lot of fun. I totally agree with you about how it reduces the tension and picking on each other. We haven't had a babysitter in our new suburb yet. I'm so hesitant to use a high schooler, but can't find any college students yet. We were spoiled by our old daycare and babysitters.

Ours wasn't really bad. We got short with each other but I think we were both good and giving grace to each other when needed. With three infants I was getting pretty much zero sleep. So I was short and cranky at times.

One time my husband came home from work
And asked me if there were dinner plans when the kids were maybe five months old. I looked at him and said "I have been keeping three little people alive all day. You are a grown man and can make yourself a f---ing sandwhich. I can not take care of one more human being." Of course looking back on it now I probably should have just said no can you pick a take out place but hey we all need forgiveness from time to time.

we used to laugh and say that we could get reacquainted in a year or so When we were getting sleep. That was optomistic, 8 years later and I still am tired all the time but life as a married couple has gotten much better. We have more time for each other and the kids aren't as demanding of ever single second of our time.

The first year of parenthood was a walk in a park compared to the first year with 3 kids.

@agold: It was glorious! At first I was like, if we're taking PTO, we should all do something big as a family, but I've slowly come around to the fact that building in these low-key, low-stress days is really good for the whole family.

The first year of DD's life were super easy for us- we both totally fell for her and watching each other with the baby made our marriage amazingly strong. However, we almost didn't make it through the pregnancy as a couple. DH definitely wanted a baby, but didn't really connect with me as a pregnant person or understand how much his behavior and our relationship needed to change to accommodate children. I also became pregnant right before I graduated college and passed on my dream job in DC in order to make a family life. That was a really bad time, but we pulled through and we are better than we have ever been. I think all marriages go through really low periods at times- having children is a crazy change in your life and I agree with a previous poster that you need to just hang on for the first year and things will get more normal eventually.