What was your SO like pre-child(ren) and what is he/she like now?
What were some positive changes?
What were some negative changes?
What didn't change at all?
Did you expect these results?
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I tried to answer your questions like you listed them, but things aren't that cut and dry. My husband hasn't really changed at all - he's still an incredibly kind, loving, and hard working man - but our relationship has evolved. We have a lot more responsibilities and have to figure out how to share those and remain sane.
Prior to having our son, I thought having a kid would ruin our marriage. It was my main anxiety during pregnancy. I saw it happen with so many of my friends and those who having a child negatively impacted were fairly vocal about it. While our marriage has changed, we have both adapted and are just constantly trying to be the best version of our selves - for each other and our son. For instance, he washed my pump parts this morning because he knew I was up at 2 AM with our son feeding him. I didn't ask him to, he just did. I would say the biggest way we've "changed" is that we both try to be a little more cognizant of each other. It's not just us anymore. We still frustrate each other, but we make a huge effort to say "thank you" a lot and acknowledge feelings.
As an aside, I expected that having a baby wouldn't change any of his (or my) negatives / positives in the marriage. I figured it would exacerbate them.
I don't know if this helps.
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my husband is more appreciative of me and all that i do, particularly now since my responsibilities involve LO.
i was also worried about the impact having kids would have on our relationship, and definitely during the first few months there was some resentment, but in the long run i feel like we are more of a team.
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My husband was always eager to have children, though he didn't feel the real urgency that I did. As soon as our daughter was born, though, that was it. He just grew so much. Being a father has really completed his identity, and he is just an even more amazing person for it. He'd happily have ten children if we could.
Negatives revolved mostly around learning to get all of our needs met with reduced time to do so. That's about it, though it is a big and ongoing thing. Our relationship is in the greatest place that it ever has been - life is just so good.
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He's basically the same as he's always been.
positive changes are that he's kinder, more thoughtful & more sacrificial of his time (Pre-LO if he was tired after work there was no way you could get him off the couch. Now he helps me & plays with LO)
Initially though, he was the exact same unhelpful whiny all about him bump on a log he always was. It has only been within the past 2 months or so that he seems to really enjoy the stage LO is in & makes a huge effort to really be truly involved with us & helpful. He's a great dad & has been the entire time. I think some of the changes are just due to use being together longer. We had only been living together for a year when LO was born & we got married a month after she came so I feel that some of these adjustments would have happened for us seven without LO. -
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I only ask because I am super curious as how it would change/not change my husband. It's very hard to picture because I feel like he would be very different than how he is with our nephew and godkids.
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He didn't change at all, and I think that's actually a good thing. He was and is a family man.
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