We just found out that I'm having a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks. I've been in tears, not wanting to eat and feel numb and absent most of the time. DH acts like nothing has happened, that we were never pregnant and life is normal...how did you DH or SO react? If it was like my DH, ie no reaction, everything is normal....how did you handle it?
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I was a big mess- in tears for a month, could barely function, eventually needed anti-depressants. DH was absolutely amazing at taking care of me and being the "strong one." At times, it seemed as if he was completely fine with it, but looking back, I know he was just trying to make sure I was okay, so he put his feelings on the back burner for awhile. A couple months later, he began to open up and talk about how hard it was for him.
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@Mrsk: I'm so sorry for your loss!
My husband didn't really care
I mean, he tried to be there for me, but I doubt he was sad or anything.
The thing with us was: we didn't know I ever was pregnant, nor did we want to be pregnant. I found out at 9w that I MCed, even though I had never known I was pregnant to begin with.
I was of course VERY sad. Dh, not so much. I think he forgot all about it. -
I am sorry for your loss!
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I'm so sorry for your loss. We had a late term loss at 20 weeks and I think it hit DH more initially. I was numb. Then, later on he was doing better and I had trouble dealing with it.
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@Mrsk: I'm so sorry about how you are feeling. Sometimes guys in general are just bad about expressing emotions. I never wanted to be with an emotional guy so I can never blame my DH when he doesn't respond in an emotional way.
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So sorry
For the first one, he was upset but I don't think AS upset as I was. After the initial shock, I think he moved on quicker than I did. I think he was more focused on taking care of me.
For the 2'nd one, it hit him harder I think. He was angry that it was happening to us again. Now when he sees guys he knows on FB that were, or still are screw-ups having kids, he says how unfair it is. This past father's day, he admitted to it being hard seeing all the "new daddies" on FB.
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I am so sorry you're going through this. When I miscarried, my husband was a little sad, but he was mostly concerned for me. Like you, I was very upset and it took me awhile to get over it. He hated seeing me that upset.
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So sorry for your loss
I had a natural m/c at 10 wks. I kept thinking about what went wrong and would burst out in tears spontaneously all the time (my way of dealing...) I honestly don't think DH was as affected, he didn't feel like the pregnancy was "real" yet at that point. It was frustrating bc I felt like I was going thru it alone. I think he was sad but just didn't hit him at hard. He tried to be strong and there for me though.
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For both my miscarriage and my loss, he was super sweet and was so concerned about my feelings above anything else. I know he was disappointed both times, but he was able to deal with it a lot better than me.
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@Mrsk: I'm sorry you are going through this!
Two cycles ago I tested positive on a FRER, but then the line on subsequent tests got lighter and lighter as days went by. I went to the doc to have my blood drawn about a week later, and they said I didn't have any hcg in my system and it was probably a chemical (I started bleeding the next day). DH has acted ever since like I was never pregnant, and he still questions our fertility, thinking maybe something is wrong with one or both of us. When I mention the fact that we at least have gotten pregnant, he questions it and thinks the tests were wrong. It is so frustrating! I've gotten really mad at him once over it, but I think he's just trying to be logical/cope/not get his hopes up. I was pretty upset about the chemical, and am still worried it could happen again.
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@mrsk: It sounds like DH is trying to be strong for you, which might explain why he has no outward reaction. I'm very sorry for your loss.
When I miscarried DH and I were both pretty devastated since we had been trying a long time to get pregnant. The pain doesn't ever really leave, but it does get easier with time.
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My experience was the same as @Pepper. He was upset for a few days, but not overly so. I was a wreck for a month (the hormones don't help) and he was more upset that I was so upset.
Everyone handles things differently. I'm sure your DH will tell you later that he is/was sad but it's sometimes easier for guys to pretend nothing is wrong. Big big hugs
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I'm so sorry to hear this. My first miscarriage was the first (and only time) i've ever seen DH cry. He took it really hard. He was very compassionate with the second one, but also really concerned something was legit wrong with us.
I do think it's easier for the guys to move on simply because they aren't constantly reminded of it. As women, we bleed for soooo long after these things. And then have to get tests afterwards. And it's our bodies. The impact is more profound. Perhaps it just hasn't hit your DH yet.
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My husband hasn't had much reaction, yet. He's been away on business with 15 other coworkers, conducting a research study and we've had so little privacy to talk. He doesn't even have a private hotel room, so most of our (little) communication has been through text.
He's upset, but its been tough reading his emotions. He's expressed that he wants to try again ASAP so my interpretation is that he's sad, affected by this, grieving, and would like to give it another try.
He comes home today so I suspect we will talk about it & truly begin the grieving process. The past five days I've been alone & taking care of C, so I haven't really had a chance to process much myself.
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@blackbird: that makes sense, I guess I'm the one having cramps all day, and having the tests and seeing blood every time I go to the bathroom....DHs don't experience it in the same way. I'm going to have to cut him some slack, this morning I could feel anger welling up inside me, like "why aren't you more upset?!" I think it's harder to be be understanding of him when dealing with so much grief myself and hormones
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: I'm so sorry for you loss, and that you've had to be alone, with out dh while dealing with it, I can't imagine how crappy that is, knowing how crappy I feel at the moment. I'm so sorry. I really hope you and dh get to have a good chat tonight to process the news together.
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Your response to @blackbird: was what I realized after a few days of dealing with everything. I think I even told him "you have no idea! I am reminded of everything with every cramp I feel and every time I see blood". I just don't think he knew what to do or say to me to make me feel better and I bet that's the same with your dh. I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*
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It was the only time I've seen DH cry, as in big heaving sobs. He was brave and supportive for the D&C and the aftermath.
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For the first one we really only had one day to be happy before it was apparent something was wrong, so I don't think it phased him much, he was just there to support me. For the second one, we were hopeful for a week, and it seems to have hit him harder. Hes been sad since it happened, and it gave him an upset stomach for a few days (normal stress response for him). We're both in a funk that will only go away with time.
I mean, he tried to be there for me, but I doubt he was sad or anything.
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