When solo parenting, at what point are you just done and need to give yourself a break? What factors into that amount of time?
I've been solo parenting a lot lately since DH is working 14-16 hour days. By bedtime I'm really exhausted and mentally needing a break. After doing this for a few days in a row, I'm really itching for a hand!
eggplant / 11287 posts
16 hour days? That's crazy! What does he do?
Sorry you've been solo so much. That's so hard! Big hugs. Hang in there.
grapefruit / 4291 posts
DH has been way for almost two weeks and although my parents stayed with us for the first week, I am done, done, done! Both my small people have terrible colds with chesty coughs and runny noses and my big girl is in the thick of being a threenager so I now have two tiny dictators shouting "no!" at me on a far too frequent basis.
Thanks goodness DH will be home tonight...
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@Rainbow Sprinkles: he goes from one job to the next. So his "day" job (audio engineer) from 6:15am to 4:15 (including commute) and then 4:45 to 10/11pm at his second job (server) Luckily it's not every day but some weeks it's more than others.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@Kemma: ugh I'm sorry...I feel your pain! I hope your little ones feel better soon!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I start to lose it by day 4. Thankfully DH doesn't do too many 4+ days anymore.
Hang in there, mama!
pear / 1657 posts
I am presently on day 11, I'm fried. I do WOH so I am not parenting 24 hrs a day, but it is exhausting and after chores I have about 2 minutes of time to myself a day. I felt like I was getting into the swing of things and then it was meltdown city this evening. DH will be home tomorrow, sadly after bedtime.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
My husband was recently away 3 days/nights and then was on call and working the day after he got back into the next day but had to sleep the next day because he had been up all night for work. So it was 5 days (my parents were there one day). I was very, very spent after day 4.
nectarine / 2987 posts
I did it more days than not for the last two years. I feel like I have a hole of missing self care to dig out of now.
honeydew / 7463 posts
I SAH and will sometimes go away without DH or any help nearby (until very recently we had a vacation home and I'd go there with just me and DS). I could go like 4-5 days and then I'm like "haaaalp".
It really really helps that he takes a super consistent nap for 2-3 hours and is in bed by 7/7:30. So I get lots of downtime then.
Plus, I'm not afraid of screen time, especially when I'm solo for long stretches.
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
2/3 days. My husband doesn't have 2 jobs but like yours, there are weeks when he's pulling 14 hoursa day, not including the drive home. What's doubly unfortunate is that we don't know about it ahead of time. I usually have no idea when he will be home on a day to day basis. If we have normal days I can do 3 or 4 but if we're having a rough time, I'm dying by day 2.
honeydew / 7622 posts
DH is regularly gone all week. I SAH and during the school year have her in daycare 2 mornings a week. This summer I start to feel a little stir crazy after 2 nights without help/a break.
pomegranate / 3329 posts
My husband is gone a lot. He's on call and when he's called he is gone for 1.5 days, then back for a minimum of 12 hours before called away again.
Then once a month he has national guard drill on the weekend, and will be gone from Thursday evening to Sunday evening, at least two two week trainings and a deployment thrown in for good measure. The last deployment was fourteen months and I about lost my stuff. Not a fan of this solo parenting gig.
eggplant / 11716 posts
My husband was gone for 5 days and I'm home for summer break with both kids, so those 5 days/nights were the longest. I realized that the thing I was *most* tired of was feeding the girls 3 meals and 1 snack a day. It's such a process and every time, I end up on my hands and knees, scrubbing the floor under the high chairs. I was just....completely over it.
He told me he was thinking about going out of the country again for 6 days (it's to see family, and for good reason because of serious illnesses), and I promptly bought a ticket for me and the girls to go see my family! Not ready to do it again so soon. That would be 11 days in the past month. No thanks.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I get pretty tired by day 4. DH has a 6 day work trip starting on Sunday so I'll just try to do something nice for myself on Saturday.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Haha, a couple of hours? I adore my son, but he can be very annoying. The other day I needed to get a few things done and I literally had to set a timer so that he wouldn't interrupt me.
persimmon / 1445 posts
Pretty much indefinitely... my DH works crazy split shifts at a restaurant so sometimes I am on my own for 5-6 days straight for months at a time during their busy season.
honeydew / 7917 posts
Being a SAHM and solo parenting is rough. Usually it doesn't happen often, and I can get through the few days that he is gone for a business trip. He just enrolled back in school for his masters, and it has been difficult for me to adjust. We had to find the right balance between school and home time before I was comfortable going weeks without him just being around for dinner on weekdays.
honeydew / 7463 posts
@Anagram: ugh, scrubbing/scraping the floor is the worst. I SAH and every time I have to do it (3-4 times a day) I consider going back to work. Lol.
pear / 1961 posts
On just a normal, SAH day? By about 5p, I'm ready for backup 
I've done a full week solo (no family help) with both LOs a handful of times. And 3-4 day stretches a couple more times.
I think I'd have a hard time with the indefinite-ness of what you are going through! Its' much easier when it's a special trip/occasion or something with a defined length, I think, because you know once you get through it, things will be back to "normal"
grapefruit / 4988 posts
I did a 10 day stint a few years back and was DONE by day 6. That said, there were complicating circumstances (huge basement flood on day 4, resulting in city turning off our gas for over a week, plus numerous follow-up calls and visits from cleanup crew, city inspectors, mold remediation, and appliance tech guys...all while on the MSPI diet so we couldn't even order take-out).
After that, DH felt so guilty, he hasn't left for more than 2 days in a row in over a year. Those trips are always fine. He has a 7 day trip coming up in a few weeks and I'm hoping it goes much more smoothly.
pear / 1657 posts
Day 12 annnnnd I am done done. So many tears this morning and not just from LO. 
grapefruit / 4321 posts
@Bao: Have y'all considered the possibility of you looking for an evening job instead of your husband working the server position? Then he's not working so many hours, and you're not solo parenting so long. It might help you all feel more balanced.
watermelon / 14467 posts
I'm currently on day 9. I do WOH, so I get some kind of break in the middle of the day, but it's still so tough to be on all the time. He's supposed to be home by next Thursday, pending rain-outs. The weekends are the worst for me because I don't get a break at all.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
@Truth Bombs: he's been there for 15 years, so I wouldn't even be able to match half of what he makes in a night. He makes a good amount of money per night. And he gets to pick what days he wants to work. I definitely wouldn't have that luxury!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I don't know, b/c fortunately I haven't had to solo for more than a day, I think!
grapefruit / 4455 posts
When I was a SAHM I could go over a week or so, and it wasn't out of the ordinary. These days with two kids and working I usually don't go longer than the weekends, and even then we usually have dh home by 7 (kids sleep at 8.) So now that I'm used to not being on my own with the kids I'd say by the end of the weekend or somewhere around there I'm about ready!! Of course during the week dd has school anyway so nobody is really solo with her all day during the week unless she's home sick.
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
DH has been in the hospital for a few days so in my situation, I usually solo parent during the weekend and at night. I have a nanny usually. There was one day where I couldn't find a nanny in time.
So to answer your question, I could do it over the weekend (2 days).
I have to work so not sure if I could do it any longer.. unless I was on vacation or something.
ETA: It's tough. I don't know how single parents do it.
pineapple / 12053 posts
i regularly do 2-3 days where DH is on shift, i am getting to the point where 3 days is no problem as long as he's home for a day and then doesn't go right back to another 3. it's when he gets into 4-5 days gone that i start pulling out my hair.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
DH was in London this whole week so I was caring for our 3yo and 8 wk old solo! At least I have daycare for my oldest, but man is it rough at night doing dinner/bath/bed then taking all the nighttime feedings with the baby. He finally got home wed night but it's like he's not even here because he's been working such long hours. But yeah, by like day 3 I am starting to go crazy. Although on the flip side I've always thought that some things are actually way easier with only one parent. My son is way better behaved when it's just me while he tantrums constantly to get our attention when DH is home. And there is also no resentment about division of labor, I know it's all going to be on me so I don't get annoyed if I end up doing all the cleaning.
pomegranate / 3127 posts
DH and I have both gone solo from morning to bedtime for several days in a row this spring. It can be pretty hair raising if both kids decide to pitch a fit at once, and I'm so thankful to the friends and neighbors that helped. Like that one day when DH was totally at the end of his rope, I had to work till 10 pm and I was sitting on the train to work with a phone in my hand, wondering which family member I could call to stop by and give him a break. The one person I thought might be willing told me I'm being ridiculous and he doesn't need any help. And then the mom of one of the kids from day care randomly called and invited them over for a play date. She doesn't even know how much that meant to us 
grapefruit / 4800 posts
It takes awhile for me to get fed up, I think I turn my being fed up at others. . But I become a lot more rigid than normal. DH had a crazy work schedule for a year so I had lots of extended stretches of solo parenting. But when my parents would visit I had so many more rules that I wanted followed bc otherwise it got the kids completely out of tune and it wasn't worth it for the day or two of extra hands. So I ended up decreasing visits from other people bc the only way I could stay sane and in control was to keep a bit regimented (though not extremely, but more so than is typical for me) and neither of our families could get on board.
pear / 1739 posts
My SO is gone during the weeks working and is only home on the weekends. I have to solo parent the entire time he is gone. When he comes home is perfect timing because by then I am itching for a break and ready to take a relaxing walk or bath. Anything relaxing really
grapefruit / 4712 posts
My DH works and goes to school so solo parenting is my life. DH's schedule is awful but only for a few more months. I used to find it harder but I have mostly adapted. I cherish nap time and my shower time, with out those times I am sure I would way more crazy.
bananas / 9227 posts
About 2 to 3 days at 4yo. I somehow had a lot more patience when she was younger and could go on for weeks.
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