I know I asked this as a follow-up in my post from yesterday, but I'm starting a new post hoping to get some quick answers! Last night was our first night of ST and DS woke and cried straight for 2.25 hours. We did the checks and everything. Finally we were worried about him dehydrating, so I nursed him. How long is too long to let the baby CIO? I can't find anything online or in Ferber's book. 3 hours ... 4 hours ... more?
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Honestly? It all depends on the specific family. This is from the Baby Sleep Site:
"Once you 100% commit to cry it out, there really isn’t a length of time that you really stop, when you’re working on nights (though you want to limit nap time crying). The goal is for your baby to fall asleep without said sleep association and every parent will need to decide what is “too long.” I recommend deciding that before you start, if possible. Having a plan (do you visit or not, how long between visits, do you stay in the room, etc.) is of utmost importance so everyone is on the same page and will stick to it. Once you decide to stop said crutch, it can’t really be an option to change your mind, otherwise, you go backwards and might even make things worse."
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I'm sorry mama, that must have been so hard to listen to and I totally would have given in too, I'm such a softy!! When we sleep trained lo never cried that long so we didn't really have to cross that bridge, but in my head I told myself if she cried more than an hour she was prob actually hungry so I would feed her. What time did his crying start at?
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Do you think the checks is prolonging the crying? Depending on your baby, the checks could make him more persistent. Checks wouldn't have worked on my daughter, so we used the extinction method. What we did was, after we put her down we would go in after that at least ONCE if she was crying (just in case something really was wrong, or she needed to burp or something...), but if we picked her up and she stopped crying immediately then we'd know everything was fine and we wouldn't go in after that at all.
Eta: in answer to your question, our DD never cried that long... the longest she cried was about 45 min before falling asleep, so I don't really have an answer!
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@Mrs. High Heels: This. Checks made everything worse for us too. We also ended up doing extinction.
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@novbaby1112: DS woke up at 11pm and cried until 1:15am. After I nursed him he fell asleep in 5 minutes!
@mrs.highheels: I think the checks did prolong the crying. We might follow your lead and not do them as much tonight.
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Aw
sorry to hear it was so rough! I agree that maybe extinction is better for your LO? It's so tough bc even if he wasn't really hungry at 11 he probably was by 115! So I don't blame you for nursing him. Good luck tonight!! And if it doesn't work , that just might mean he's not ready...we tried CIO at 5 months and it was a big failure...tried again at 6.5 and it worked much better!
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With DD, we can't check on her or else she gets worked up and will keep crying. We have to make sure everything's checked off and ready for bedtime because even the slightest creak will set her off. If we do that, she's asleep within minutes. If we prolong it and shuffle around and she sees it, she gets so riled up.
I hope it goes better tonight for you!
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@hilsy85: Extinction may be better for DS. We're going to try again tonight and see how it goes. Maybe he's not ready ...
@crumbs: Thanks! I'm glad your system works for you!
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how'd it got the last 2 nights mama? i hope it was better for you both!!!!
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I'm not a CIO person, but I seriously cannot imagine going that long. It sounds absolutely awful! Our first baby's temperament was not suited for CIO. Maybe this is the case with your baby? That seems way too long!
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We also did extinction method- checks would make DD crazy upset. Hang in there!
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We also had to do extinction because checking on her always made things worse! She cried for about two hours almost for a few days and then it became less and less. It was so hard listening to her cry but it was better for everyone in the end!
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Would ds stay calmer if you stayed in the room with him? This is how we made sleep training work for our family....used sleep sense stay in the room program. My ds would vomit if crying alone for more than a few minutes (even when I was just putting dd down for a nap or something) so traditional cio wasn't an option for us. By staying in the room, both our kids only fussed or cried off and on for about 45 min the first night, then much much less. They were also 10 months, which I know is older than most sleep training, but I truly believe ours just weren't ready until then. Two hours seems an awfully long time for full on crying, so just putting another option out there for you to consider. Good luck.
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@zippylef: Same here! Checks made our DS far worse, so we also used extinction.
The longest we let S go was 1 hour, and that was in the middle of the night. I was about to go in and he fell back to sleep. It was pure torture!!
Let us know how it went last night!
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We used extinction, checking on DS made him more upset.
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On Saturday night, DS went down fairly easily at 8:30pm: fussed for 5 minutes then was asleep. He woke up crying at 2:30am. I actually was so sleepy I forgot we were sleep training and went ahead and fed him. He woke at 5:30am and I fed him again. He woke for the day at 7am. But ... he had a 6 hour sleep stretch, amazing!
Last night he went down at 8:10pm and fussed/cried for 10 minutes before falling asleep. Again, didn't wake up crying until 2:30am. I went in and checked on him once (seemed to make it worse) and he cried until 4:15am, when I figured he must be hungry for real since he hadn't eaten since 7pm. I fed him, he fell back asleep and didn't wake again until 8am.
So ... he's making progress at having longer sleep stretches. I wouldn't mind it if it ends up with one feeding a night. I may pick a time (say, 2:00am) and let him cry if he wakes before then, but feed him if he wakes after. Does anyone do this? Does anyone have suggestions about this? Thanks for your feedback and support!
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@Katrocap: I'm glad that it sounds like he's doing better! The checks made it worse for our LO too so we switched to extinction. Also, regarding your last question...I was totally fine with just one night wakeup as well so since we put E down at 7-7:30 we decided that if LO woke up before 2:30 we'd let him CIO and any time he woke up after that I'd go ahead and feed him. It worked out really well! We sleep trained at 5.5 months and he settled into one wakeup between 3 and 4am. It was great! Then at 7.5 months he just naturally started sleeping all the way through the night. One night he just slept right on through!
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@Katrocap: Thats promising! My DD did one wakeup around 2:30am until she was ready to night-wean. It was much more manageable!
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@running elly: @zippylef: Glad to hear your stories! Gives me hope
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UPDATE: Last night I put DS in crib awake but drowsy at 8:10pm. No fussing or crying and was asleep by 8:25pm. Didn't wake up until 5:30am!!!!!!! I nursed him, back to sleep within 5 minutes, and woke up for good at 7am. I don't want to jinx it, but I could get used to this!
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@Katrocap: that's great!!! here's to better nights ahead!
what day of CIO was this? did you end up going with the extinction method?
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@Katrocap: thats great!!
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@mrs. high heels: This was night 4 of CIO. We used a modified extinction method, I'd go in once to rub his tummy if he cried longer than 10 minutes.
@hilsy85: Thanks for your advice and support!
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@Katrocap: Thats awesome!!
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So, in case anyone is still following this (thanks, by the way!), tonight DS cried for 30 minutes after I put him in his crib. I did not go in and check on him (felt awful about that). DH and I decided if he cried for 40 minutes we'd go get him, but he fell asleep. I'm disappointed that we had a regression tonight, but I guess that's normal?
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Wow, that is amazing progress!!! Sounds like he was def ready for sleep training...I have heard its common to have a regression on day 5 too, hope the rest of tonight goes just as smoothly as the last!
sorry to hear it was so rough! I agree that maybe extinction is better for your LO? It's so tough bc even if he wasn't really hungry at 11 he probably was by 115! So I don't blame you for nursing him. Good luck tonight!! And if it doesn't work , that just might mean he's not ready...we tried CIO at 5 months and it was a big failure...tried again at 6.5 and it worked much better!
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