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@Mrs. Yoyo: This! Not that I have, or ever will, trained for a marathon but I definitely agree with the sentiment!
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I was expecting it to be tough, but I had no idea. The biggest change for us is not having any time for one another. In fact, we hardly have time for ourselves! Sure it's exhausting and monotonous, yet at the same time always changing, but so far it's getting better - a lot better compared to her newborn days when we were complete zombies! I think it depends a lot with what kind of family help or child care you're getting. For us, it's just us.
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Everyone told me life would be harder and difficult. DH and I have a motto of "Have baby will travel". DS has a schedule that he has fallen into but our life doesn't revolve around his schedule. I think we do more now that we have DS then we did before. I would say our life is different now, most of the time we have a dog and baby traveling with us now, rather then just the dog. Otherwise not too different. All the little changes have been worth it. His laughs and smiles make everything great.
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Life is more rewarding but much harder to juggle!
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Life has definitely changed! But for the better. Lo is almost 7 months and becoming harder to keep her entertained throughout the day but her milestones are super rewarding. When pregnant I was prepared that my life would be turned upside down and will never be the same again. But after LO's arrival, I continued on as I was but just with a little sidekick who needs to be fed and changed every now and then. At almost 7 months, it still isn't as hard as it was made out to be by other people.
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@hummusgirl: wow, I adore that analogy. I mean, sure. Life is much more effort now. But we still do the same things. We go for date nights and read books and see our friends. It's bizarre to think you'd just lose that forever.
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Thank you for asking this question! I keep telling myself to stop wishing my pregnancy away because my life will be turned upside down in 16 weeks! Lots of lovely, positive responses to read when I start feeling the fear!
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Life is definitely different, because I have a 24-hour-a-day, 7-days-a-week, 365-days-a-year sidekick now! LO is 2.5 years old, and I think that parenting is not the hardest job, but it is the most important one I'll ever have. And I love it! Don't get me wrong, the early months can be rough, and the flexibility/adaptability required in the early years can be challenging. But the rewards (like the responsibilities) are awesome!
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I am the mom of a 2 year old boy. This is not the most difficult thing I have ever done (not that I've looked at my life as being really complex or anything) but I've had to rely on my INTUITION as opposed to reading about something in a book and applying it directly. At first I doubted that I could identify and decipher the signs, but I've managed so far and I think it will get more complicated as my son grows older.
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same as @mediagirl: our life is affected by his schedule and we go out separately at nighttime to run errands if necessary.
i also agree with @mrbee: though that sleep + help is what has been key to our smooth adjustment.
my mom is our primary caregiver (at our home) when i'm at work and our ds is a good sleeper (sttn @ 12 wks), he's really easy going too and minor changes to his eat play sleep cycle or moving his bedtime up or back by an hour or so doesn't mess him up. those two factors are why the transition has been "easy" for us.
the first few months are generally just sleepless cycles of poop, bfing, sleeping
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Everyone's experience is so different - every mama is different, and every baby is different so it really is hard to generalize. I know moms who have transitioned/adjusted to being a mom with ease, and much of this honestly depends on how easy your baby is! In fact, she doesn't even know what sleep training is because since Day 1, her baby just always slept! And he's almost ONE! Whaaaat?
I think most moms will agree that the newborn phase is hard, not gonna lie. The sleep deprivation and breastfeeding alone can wear on you, but you will get through it.
My experience was a little traumatic because I experienced postpartum depression, but I know my experience was actually much worse than many of my friends!
Becoming a mom is a HUGE life change, and it's not something you will really understand until your baby is here. You sort of know in your head that you will have a baby, they will wake up, you'll need to feed them, change diapers, there will be a new person in the family, some added finances...for me, what I didn't expect was how I would feel as a mom. I went through an identity crisis of sorts, feeling like I didn't know who I was anymore, that my new role and life as a mom was 100% about my child (because in the early days they are so dependent on you for sustenance and care) and "I" no longer existed for myself. My dreams, joys, passions would all take a backseat to this little one, and I felt like I was grieving. It sounds terrible, but I missed my old life - being able to go out whenever, hang out with girlfriends, take trips, go watch a movie, and have "me" time. Of course, you can still do all of those things as a mom, but it's just different.
Becoming a mom is hard. But it is also one of the most rewarding, joyful things I have ever experienced. Motherhood is full of highs and lows (like others have already mentioned) so take heart - even if you have bad days, you'll have even better ones to follow.
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Lots less one on one DH time, which I miss a lot but we appreciate our dates so much more now. It's also incredible to see him as a father so I think our bond is stronger now. I guess there were a lot of trade offs, I miss stuff about pre-kids but we gained so much. So life is different but still good.
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@septemberlove: My husband and I were just talking about this a few days ago. We're first time parents (LO is 3 months old). Parenting is wonderful. The hardest part for us has been the tiredness - particularly in the first month. But we love our little guy so much and have enjoyed being parents after longing for it for so long. He's just now becoming more interactive and the smiles, coos, and laughter make the minor frustrations worthwhile.
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I would never call it bad, but it's definitely the hardest thing we have ever done. There will be nights when you are in physical and emotional pain, and the only thing that would cure it is a solid night of sleep, but your baby won't go more than two hours without needing to be fed/diapered/held. That's hard.
But then? The very next morning? You are greeted by huge baby grins and giggles, and they do something amazing right before your eyes. Those moments make all the hard ones worth it -
It was way more than I expected, but I felt so well researched and informed just the idea ofsomething going not according to plan didn't occur to me. It was a rollercoaster of hormones and emotions and exhaustion and elation. There is no way to properly prepare for it and saying stuff like "sleep now" just seems silly. I always tell new mamas to live in the moment and don't feel bad if you need a break.
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If you REALLY want to scare the bejeesus out of yourself, read this: http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/
And yet... I still went through with conceiving and now I love my life as a parent. It is very, very different from my pre-baby life, though, in ways both good and bad.
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Well after reading through, I must not be the norm because parenting/motherhood came pretty easily to me. I was expecting it to be a lot harder after what everyone told me to expect. Yes, I do miss my "me" time some, but in all honestly I would rather play with LO and make her giggle and smile. I will say that my baby has been an excellent sleeper from the beginning so I never had to struggle long with night feedings/wakings. We've had our rough days but our good days far outweight it!
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I'm reading a lot of people here and elsewhere talk about how after they had a baby, they felt as though their own lives were over. Their hopes, ambitions, their dreams - deferred or ignored. I think some of those feelings might be where people are coming from when they tell you that 'your life is over'.
My perspective is a bit different. I always wanted to be a mother, and I was in a really, really good place when I became one. I had finished my difficult degree course. I had lost weight, got fit and healthy, and really figured out a lot about myself. I had identified what I wanted from my life and was working for it and getting it to the extent possible. Motherhood was one of those goals, so when it came along, it felt like a culmination of the hard work I'd been doing for the last few years to live a really extraordinary life.
Now, this isn't to say that going in prepared and excited means that it'll be so! easy! Hah! No. But people experience it in very different ways. I think that some find it very disruptive to the overarching path of their lives - they find that they can't travel, or go back to school, or change jobs, or get out of an unhappy relationship. They can't walk three miles a day and diet and lose a bunch of weight. They can no longer put the kind of energy into themselves that real emotional/physical/mental transformation takes, and that sucks. No doubt. I always tell my friends to get in the absolute best shape of their lives first - physically, emotionally, lifestyle-wise. But not everyone gets to do that. I think that the loss of that ability really hits some people hard - especially if they felt they still had a lot of work to do to achieve their goals in life.
The good news is that parenting starts out very all consuming, but it gets far better. My formerly very clingy toddler (I like to call her an attachment parenting success, lol), is now, at 19 months, capable of spending the entire day with her grandparents. Soon we're going to try having them do bedtime, and when that's dialed, we'll go away and leave her with them for a weekend. So, even when it seems really all consuming, a better time is coming. You do get more of your life back, bit by bit.
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I'm so glad i got a chance to read all of these responses, because sometimes i look at the ultra sound pic or at my belly and think "what did I do?" and i love babies and i've been around enough of them that i know basic care and soothing.
not to thread jack, but i'm fully anticipating hearing these negative comments from certain coworkers whats an appropriate (or not so appropriate response) when this comes up?
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I think it's totally FINE when people say things like, "Just wait, your life will change, you won't have time for that/better get in your movie dates/travel plans now!" Because life DOES change when you have a baby! I don't think anyone means that your life will be BAD, but that there will be a change.
Things I miss:
Being able to do things with my husband without worrying about a babysitter
Spontaneous after work happy hours
Going to the gym after work
Being able to plan a vacation without worrying about how baby-appropriate it is
Being able to go shopping for half the day on the weekends
Etc etc...
Now, don't get me wrong- I ADORE my child, but I don't think it makes me a bad person to every once in awhile mourn the loss of the woman I used to be. Life does change when you have a baby- that's a big ol' fact. I don't think it's selfish to admit to yourself that you miss the ease of life pre-baby. I wouldn't trade my kiddo for any of that, but I can miss it. And it's ok to miss it.
I tell people to go on date nights/take a baby moon/go to a movie when they're pregnant all the time, because I know just how hard it is to do those things once baby is here. -
@Pink Champagne: I think EVERYONE misses certain aspects of life, no guilt here either! But there are some (honestly not many) who seem to taunt others with the doom and gloom.
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@prettylizy: That's so true about things not going to plan..it was so hard for me to relinquish control!
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