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Why is there so much shock at the higher range? We know that there are different costs of living, incomes, ages and cultures on these boards.
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@bunnylove08: @Alivoo01: @snowjewelz: LOL I think most American friends are shocked when we share how much we give at Chinese wedding. But it's not like we keep it! You technically give it all back plus inflation! Did you ladies get gold too?
Haha and yes, we had a designated money person at the welcome table then my brother logged all the red envelopes the next day.@MrsTiz: it's a cultural thing. Most Chinese people give upwards of 1k.@cmomma17:
Honestly most of DH's family gave us $30-50 and I didn't blink a eye. I know that's common for them. And our wedding was in NYC! Let's just say that didn't even cover gratuity. But I was happy they made the trip. And that to me was the best gift.
Even though I know $30-50 is the norm around here we still give $150. We like to cover our plate, knowing how expensive weddings are! -
@mrsjyw: I think I am just a curmudgeon. My ILs usually watch LO too but I sometimes resent having to enlist them so frequently for events (work parties, weddings) when we so infrequently enlist them for date nights! I like weddings but would rather use the sitter for just us two.
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Of course there are different incomes, cultures, etc. That's exactly why it's shocking to me. It's not something happening in my little world, so it's surprising!
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100 when I was single. Now 200-400. Prob more if our siblings ever get married!
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@locavore_mama: We didn't do that and fortunately I have never been to a wedding where the monetary amount was announced. I honestly don't even know who gave us what amount. I think my in-laws recorded everything and they'll tell us what we'll need to give back when the time comes lol. My side of the family is much less that way.
I would've been happy with $80-$100 based on how much I spent on my wedding. I know for some people's wedding, $150 per person might not even cut it lol but I don't go below or above my set amount unless I am super super close to them then $200!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: we're pretty good about doing date nights (overnights) every couple of months. weddings are far and few between for us! so different frequencies! def understand not wanting to use babysitting ILs for weddings only!
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@looch: I'm not shocked but I will say that I can't imagine having to budget wedding gifts into our yearly spending money. Last year we attended 5 weddings and it would have been really rough to have to find 500 dollars in our budget . Would have meant no family vacation probably. As one of the lowballers I guess I think that maybe people are shocked because they're afraid their friends are giving more than they are and hadn't considered that before! Lol! I know some friends of mine have more generous natures than I do. I figure eventually they'll learn not to be so generous with me because I tend to be miserly! I do take the time to select a thoughtful gift but I don't usually spend more than 40. When we had LO I was amazed at some of the generous gifts we got and a little embarrassed we didn't do more but then again, I can't go into debt over it! I just tried to be grateful. Some of our friends are childfree now and have more than we do. We were all students when we got married and got each other crappy wedding gifts but now there are different financial stages we're in.
ETA: wanted to add when I say can't imagine, I guess I mean that I am sure some people who give more due to cultural reasons really do have to think about budgeting for wedding season, which would be a PITA to me!
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casual friends - $50 for shower, $100 for wedding, $150 if just attending the wedding, not shower
good friends - usually a really big registry gift that I know they want or a bigger check/gift card if I know they'll enjoy that more. It's a much more personal gift for close friends/family.
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Our absolute minimum is $200, and that's whether we go to the wedding or not. But if its a close friend or family, its $400 or more. We are in NYC.
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$50 is pretty standard, here in the midwest. I'll spend $100 for a close friend but that's definitely on the high end. The vast majority of our cash gifts were in the $20-$60 range when we got married!
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: yeah, I get that. But think about it, how would a person who gifts $30 feel if I posted about how shocked I was at that amount? Respect goes both ways.
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@locavore_mama: I know right! But once they know the whole ordeal about the red envelopes, they're all like, how do I get adopted into your family?! LOL!!!!
I got some jewelry/gold from my mom, MIL, and my favorite aunt. From my mom and aunt, it was hand me down heirlooms. My aunt doesn't have any daughters, and treats me like I'm her daughter so she handed me what she would have given her "own" daughter.
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@looch: sorry if I offended with my post. I genuinely didn't mean to. A lot of these numbers are just huge from my perspective. Maybe the poor people (meaning myself) need to stay out of these threads!
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@cmomma17: you didn't offend me, but would you have been offended if I was like
at the amount you gifted?
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@looch: I guess the shock for me is that everyone's minimum that they feel obligated to give. It's not that I couldn't give more, but honestly, I feel like we are all adults when we get married and make choice on the type of wedding we want. That doesn't make me feel obligated to give a certain amount or cover the cost of my attendance. I put a lot more stock in the thought than the dollar amount. I really honestly don't feel comfortable getting larger sums of money from non-family for special events.
Granted like you said, we have different incomes, social circles etc, but even my reallllly well off family isn't giving $200 gifts to me.
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@looch: that's what I'm thinking.
Our cost of living is very low. Even at the fanciest restaurant, to cover a plate would be like $38-40? Trust me, I called me all when I was planning my own wedding. So, I don't go by plate cost. Also, just because someone can't afford a fancy shcmancy wedding doesn't mean they should get less of a gift. If they are a friend, then they are a friend no matter what.
If they aren't Arab and were casual, we do $50 which is very average.
If they're friends, it can range between $100-$150.
If they're Arabs or family, we do like $300-$500. It's a cultural thing. -
$50 for casual friend/distant family. $75-100 or so for close friend. I think that's fairly standard around here, based on the gifts we received.
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we don't get invited to weddings unless a close friend or family member is getting hitched. our range is $300-$1000.
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@looch: on this board? Honestly, no. But I never would have posted what I would give, because I would think most of the bees were "thinking"
!
I don't know, it doesn't seem super offensive to me, because like I said, it's different worlds!
I typed more, but deleted. I don't think I can eloquently explain my 'shock.'ETA: I also don't ever just gift cash! Never have.
And it's not like I'm in a rural area, or the midwest either. I'm right outside of Washington, D.C. I guess I didn't get the memo! -
Usually about $200 (Connecticut - suburbs of NYC). If I go to a wedding back home in the Midwest, usually $100-150.
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@CupQuakeWalk: I'm glad you mentioned that! I will admit, if anything, I am more likely to give a more expensive gift to a couple that seems in need....if they paid for their own wedding for example, or if I know they are moving in together after the wedding and don't have a lot of household items. I guess that makes me a Bolshevik! LOL!
I hate that the idea of covering the plate has caught on...seems like it encourages couples/families to go into debt, would encourage entitlement in couples, and punishes families that can't afford a bigger wedding.
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@looch: yes respect goes both ways! I guess I just want to preserve the idea that it is the thought that counts! It weirds me out to see couples expecting certain things. I tried not to myself! Admittedly I did register which even around here can create a bit of a scandal!
But then again, this thread was not titled 'what is an appropriate wedding gift amount?' You can choose to give a lot more without expecting it from others or looking down on those who give less.
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@runnerd: personally for me it's not an obligation. It's just the norm.
@cmomma17: Chinese people never ever give gifts! Lol so cash is totally normal for me. For me gifts are for showers and at weddings we always give cash.
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The minimum amount we give is $300.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: Same here! This thread is blowing my mind...I honestly only made it through half of the comments...
The most we have ever done is $100, and that was only one time and for our very closest friends. Usually 30-50.ETA...I read the rest of the comments. Didn't mean to offend with the shocked face. I just really am surprised. We were given one $200 gift for our wedding and it was BY FAR out of the ordinary. Just not the norm in our area/my circle I guess. I don't think shocked is the same as placing judgment. I wouldn't be offended at all if someone was shocked that 30-50 is the norm here.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: Why/How would registering create a scandal?
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@MsLipGloss: I can't speak for @Mrs. Sketchbook, but registering in my family is considered taboo, as if you are expecting gifts (which would be "inconsiderate") I almost didn't register for my wedding or baby shower because I felt uncomfortable asking for things. In our world, the wedding is a time for us to throw a party for the people we love...gifts are given, of course, but to specifically ask for them is considered to be in poor taste.
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$100-150 in check or registry gift. We would probably give alot more to close family like siblings, but as of now our sins are single.
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I'd say minimum of $250 - more depending how close we are to the couple.
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We tend to buy off the registry if there is one, and we usually spend $150 to $250. We usually spend more if we don't have to pay for air travel, hotel, etc.
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Usually 100... Sometimes 50, depends on the wedding
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It really depends on how close we are to the couple. The last wedding we attended we didn't spent any money on the gift. Instead we passed on a family heirloom. We knew the couple would love it, and they did. I was a little hesitant about not spending anything, but the mother of the bride reassured me it was ok.
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$250 -$500 depending on the relationship. We're in nj and i feel like that's the norm here. We had some older guests give us into the thousands for ours! I know that when we've gifted our usual to dh's friends in the Midwest they were totally shocked we gave that much.
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@MsLipGloss: honestly I thought the whole world had come to terms with registering, but a few days ago I overheard some relative-in-laws saying how tacky it was to register, that it is far more appropriate to let people buy whatever they want and return it if you don't like it. I was surprised and it made me wonder if I similarly criticized? Personally I think registering is awesome. I do understand how some might think of it as tacky, but as a giver I appreciate the help. I did follow the etiquette of not mentioning it on the invite/shower invite, and I did register at like a million places so I would accommodate people in our small town and friends in the city.
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@Mrs. Lion: I think it is definitely a regional thing! Small town in a state that traditionally hasn't been all that wealthy....I'm kinda thankful! We have three weddings to go to this year and we definitely will be sticking to the 30-50 budget! Any more and we'd have to start budgeting it for real!
I think in WNC (where I am from/your DH is from, right?) a gift off the registry and less than 50 (usually 25 or so) is totally the norm. In our small NW GA town (technically considered Appalachia but to me it is more piedmont), none of DH's aunts bough off our registry. My friends in ATL did though!
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Among our group of friends, we've always done $150 per person, so $300 per couple. We live in NYC.
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@Mrs. Lion:@Mrs. Sketchbook: Taboo and Tacky, eh? Ahhhh . . . interesting! I, too, much prefer to have guidance! I want the new couple/ new parents to get what they need/want.
I created a wedding registry for long-distance guests, and to keep track of some things I wanted for our home . . . I also wanted the post-wedding completion discount!
I was *forced* to create a baby registry . . . I didn't want a shower for either event, yet . . . *sigh* I know I know . . . b-o-o-h-o-o . . . generous people wanted to throw me a shower. 
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: I agree with you on the "cover your plate" thing- most of the fancier weddings we have gone to have been paid for by parents of the bride or groom, while the less fancy, cheaper, weddings have been paid for by the couple. Why should I give a bigger gift to someone whose parents have deep pockets? I give more or less based on closeness and cost of attending (like travel/hotels)
We give $200 or $250, which was about what most people gave us. For siblings or best friends we give a little more. We are in boston with lots of friends in the NYC area.
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@Mrs. Lion: oh one more thing our biggest gift was one man bough 6 settings of our china (I didn't even want to register for china but my relatives insisted I register at a department store--yes so Southern--and I had already registered for everything else at WM and tarjay). My place settings were between 30 and 50 (mikasa cameo!) depending on where you got them. So between 180-250. I was floored. He was a colleague of my stepfather so mainly he did it out of respect. He also was from ATL!
at the amount you gifted?
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