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I feel the same way about this as I do for wedding and shower gifts - the amount I spend is entirely dependent on my relationship with the gift recipient. It's the host's choice how much she spends on the party, not mine.
And $20 for a child's birthday gift seems sufficient to me, at least it is where I live.

I usually spend $20 for a child's gift for acquaintenances/friends I'm not that close to. For close friends/family I'll spend around $50.

I think it depends how close you are to the person, along with what you can afford. For my niece we used to spend $50, but now it's $20 because that's what we can afford. With friends I would spend $20.

I also think it depends on how close you are with the family. For cousins that I don't see that often I think $20 is a perfectly reasonable amount to spend.

Right now we do $50 for nieces/nephews, and $30-40 for friends kids.

I think it depends on your budget alone. Even if you're really close with someone, sometimes you can't afford to spend a lot of money on gifts! It really shouldn't matter at all and if people are keeping tabs, then they need to check their priorities.

I agree with the first sentence of your post. $20 is sufficient for a kid's gift. But the quality of the party the parents throw shouldn't have anything to do with how you feel how cheap/expensive the gift you bring is.

For example, I threw my first DD a pretty expensive 1st birthday party, but that's because it was a huge milestone for my hubby and I to have survived that first year, and I wanted to splurge and celebrate with a nice venue, good food, a beautiful cake, and decor. It was at a historic landmark (a famous carousel) and I rented a cotton candy machine and old school popcorn cart... And yes she won't remember it, but I also had a family friend photographer shoot pro shots. But just because I did all that doesn't mean I expected people to give expensive gifts. I did not want expensive gifts in return. Really, I didn't. It was about celebrating her first ever birthday, our first year as parents, and that's it!

Don't ever feel guilty about the price of a gift. The thing with kids' stuff these days anyway, in my opinion, is that it's easy to get something fun or practical for $20. As a parent, some of the best gifts we've enjoyed for our DDs are books, and you can get a lot of those for $20. I got my nephew a personalized superhero cape off of Etsy for Christmas and it was inexpensive at $25, but it's his most favorite item he's ever owned (literally).

I also think if your friends are offended with an inexpensive gift, that's their problem... Don't feel bad about it! Though I know what you mean... If you are worried about a gift not being well received, ask the parent ahead of time what the kid needs or would want.

DH and I were just arguing about this over the holidays - he wanted to spend $50/kid on his friends' kids! I said $20/kid was plenty, and I don't want to start a pattern with this group of friends of giving big gifts at every occasion. I don't want my own child to get a ton of expensive presents that we'll have to figure out what to do with. One of his friends actually said the same thing, that they were trying to minimize toys, and a gift card to a bookstore would be the most awesome gift. But I don't want to be a dictator with friends and family telling them what is or isn't an acceptable present.

I tend to spend more if I'm closer to the familiy. We get invited to a lot of kid's parties that are technically the child of a friend of a friend. For that kiddo, I'd spend about $30. For, say, our niece and nephews- we spend a considerable amount more. Probably closer to $50-70. But really, I think that's too much. Kids don't expect expensive gifts, and can just as easily love a $15 gift as they can a $70 gift.