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Are you opposed to any sort of crying?

From 12 months to almost the 2 year mark, DD got used to us being in the room until she fell asleep. We'd be in there for an hour! The breaking point was when she started going through major separation anxiety, and would wake up at all hours of the night (=1am, 2am, 3am, 4am) because we weren't there by her side.

We decided she had to learn to fall asleep on her own. We had a bedtime routine, and then i told her that tonight she had to go to sleep by herself, but that i will come to her room if she needs me, and that we weren't leaving the house. Instead of letting her cry-it-out, we went to her room right away so she knew we really were nearby, but would again tell her she had to go to sleep by herself. It took a few back and forths, but she fell asleep on her own within 30 minutes. It took a week for her to fall asleep without any cries/protests. Even though there was some crying, i feel like this was a gentle approach because we went to her right away.

It may take a bit longer for you since he needs to be held to fall asleep, but i think it's important with any kind of sleep training to remain consistent and to have an agreement with your SO not to stray from the plan. Of course, it's completely understandable why your DH picked him up - it's hard to hear them cry!

Good luck - it'll be worth it in the end.

ETA: Are you the one who usually holds him? If so, maybe it's because DH went in that he finally fell asleep - realizing that you're not going to be the one who holds him to sleep?

@QBbride: DH really dislikes bringing the kids to bed because he can't sleep and he has high sleep needs! I don't think there's anything wrong with bringing him to bed if you guys are on board with it. We only let DD come to bed if it's close to her wakeup time and we want another 30 minutes of rest. Maybe incorporating some limits on how long you guys cuddle before bedtime could help too?

It's hard hearing them cry, especially at night - that's when parents are most vulnerable to giving in.

No advice because we are in the same boat. DS is 2.5 and needs me laying next to him to fall asleep. Yes, he's in our bed. And over the last month his 10 month old brother decided he likes our bed too. I don't sleep train because honestly I feel it's normal childhood development for my babies to need me to sleep. Plus I could never handle CIO. I'm just waiting it out. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

Agree that step 1 is to come up with a plan and stick to it. Give it a week.

We waited until about 18 months with my daughter and this is what we did. We got her laid down in her crib and would stand there and rub her back. If she sat up or stood up, we would try one time to nicely say please lay down its night time, and if she got up again, we would immediately walk out of the room (don't say anything). We would give her a minute or two to scream and cry (with us standing outside the closed door). Usually we had to repeat about 3-4 times until she understood that we meant business and it was sleep time. She associated standing up with us leaving and she learned to at least stay laying down. It wasn't easy and we later had to transition her away from us rubbing her back but all in all it worked with limited tears.

We didn't do CIO either, but have you ever tried just letting him cry for 10-15 mins to see what happens? I only ask because 90 percent of the time my daughter needs to cry for 5 - 10 mins before she can put herself to sleep. It's not upset/scared/I need you crying, it's more her being annoyed it's bedtime and jumping up and down at the crib rail. Once I figured out that she needed that time to wind down, and that my going in every time she cried was actually keeping her awake, bedtime has been much smoother. She's 17 months now.