Hellobee Boards

I would ask her how she is and just be friendly to her. I wouldn't bring it up. If she brings it up, listen and tell her that you are there for her if she needs anything.

I lost one last November (wow. It's been a year) and I found the most hurtful thing was people knowing and not acknowledging it in some way. As long as she knows you care. You don't need to have a conversation about it - i sure didn't want to. But even getting texts and hugs was great. She'll be happy you made an attempt -- whatever it is.

Just give her some loves, she may be feeling a little sensitive at the shower. It sounds like you are off to a great start by wanting to be kind. Some people don't understand that it's a loss, even though she was at 9 weeks, women fall in love with their babies so quickly!

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks last year. Everyone is different, but for me, it hurt worse when people who were "close friends" completely ignored it. The first couple of weeks, I didn't talk to anyone because it was too new, but then after that it actually made me feel better when people would ask how I was doing. A hug and a "I'm here if you ever wanna talk or hang out" went a long way.

It's really hard to say because with mines in march I didn't want people to keep bringing it up to me but it is always nice to check on her and ask if she's ok and if she needs anything because everyone is different but with me I hated when people said, " it'll be alright, or don't worry you'll get pregnant again, or you'll have another baby" and those were the worst cause I felt like they were saying that the baby I lost was nothing and replaceable which is crazy I know but that was just my mind frame then but as you know I'm preggo now and that and time was the only thing that eased my pain from the first lost

People process the grief differently. Some don't want to talk about it, for me it helped to share and talk about it. I would agree with pp.'s who have said you should acknowledge the loss, tell her you heard and are so sorry and if she wants to talk about it you're there for her, if she doesn't you understand. I also agree with Mrs Koala that it might be a good idea to call her instead of bringing it up at the shower where she may be trying really hard to put on a happy face.

@Danizaur: you know it's funny because before it happen to me I probably would have said the same things too but I was never in that situation and when it did happen to that's when everybody started telling me their stories about their m/c that I never knew about so it was crazy. But that would be a better idea to maybe call or text rather then bring it up at the baby shower which I'm sure it's gonna be hard for her to attend