My best friend just come home from hospital with babies. Despite spending the last year trying to get pregnant, I have zero experience with babies/new moms as adult. What help did you most want/appreciate from your close friends, even if you wouldn't have asked.
How much space did you want from people you normally see multiple times per week?
pomegranate / 3003 posts
I tried to do everything, myself. Totally screwed myself on that front, ha! I wish more people would have insisted, and told me to shut up.
Help with meal preparation and laundry would have been most helpful! I wanted space while my husband was on leave, but relished in company once he returned to work. Just having someone to chat with and share tea was really nice.
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts
Everyone's different but I really only wanted my close family around often. I really appreciated food though. It was next to impossible to cook early on.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
If it's someone I'm super close to that I see several times per week I would expect them to visit me ASAP. 
One of the best things ours friend would do is come over with takeout and even clean up afterwards!
watermelon / 14467 posts
Bring food. We did not have the time nor the brainpower to prepare meals, only to heat them up. I also wish more people had offered or insisted on doing chores around the house.
pear / 1823 posts
Offer to hold the baby while mom takes a shower/nap. I would have really appreciated that instead of having to "entertain" visitors!
pomegranate / 3565 posts
Bring food and offer to watch the baby so she can nap or take a shower!
honeydew / 7909 posts
I wanted to be left alone - I didn't want to try entertaining while trying to adjust to mommyhood.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
Food, that is quick and easy to prepare (by prepare I mean heating in the oven or microwave), and in disposable cookware so the mom doesn't have to wash it and keep track of whose is whose. And once Dh went back to work having someone come over just to chat was really nice. If it was someone I saw multiple times per week I'm sure I'd want to see them soon.
I would just text and say you want to bring some food over, let you know when is a good time. I felt bad asking people to come over when I wanted company.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
Meals!! I didn't want a lot of company since R wanted to nurse all the time. But we got like two meals and more would have been so awesome.
grapefruit / 4213 posts
Food that can be eaten with one hand and quickly heated up (or no heating required like sandwiches). Or ask if they are craving any takeout. Also muffins or oatmeal chocolate chip cookies make excellent snacks for those night wakeups with baby.
As for guests, DH and I got to the point where we actually had to take a break from visitors because people just kept coming and we were exhausted and trying to bond with our new baby. Keeping guests entertained and the house presentable was really not on our list of priorities at that point. Plus visitors just wanted to stay and hang around. It would have been better if they had stopped by with food and had a short visit and then took off (after making sure we were all set). It was so awkward having to keep leaving the room to go try to breastfeed or pump. If the visits were shorter I could have avoided that. My mom came to do laundry, chores, and watch the baby so we could nap so those things were all set and guests didn't have to do that. I would have been so stressed having visitors over while trying to keep the house clean. Don't think I could have tolerated all those guests if it weren't for my mom! I had a second degree tear so I was out of commission for a while. DH and my mom kept the house running. Also my brothers came and walked our dog which was great.
ETA: Bring food in disposable containers that you don't care about getting back.
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
Oh I wanted my friends around me as much as possible. Especially if they brought me food!!! I found adjusting to motherhood to be a lonely time for me because I was battling a lot of anxiety. Having my best friends visit really helped keep my spirits up.
pear / 1517 posts
I didn't really want any company other than my mom, but I did really appreciate a quick drop off of meals from friends.
cherry / 210 posts
I wanted to show off my baby! We had recently moved to a new city at the time, so most of my friends were far off and I missed having them around. I would have loved for someone to come and watch the baby so I could have napped or showered or even run an errand. That would have been amazing. When LO was 6 weeks old, I did have two friends come visit and they kept LO one night so me and my husband could go out to a nice dinner. I really appreciated it.
pomelo / 5621 posts
Food definitely. Also some tidying up would be nice. Don't ask what she wants done though as she may just say nothing. Just grab the broom and sweep or wash some dishes.
clementine / 825 posts
I wanted to be alone with my baby and DH while we bonded and breastfed around the clock. I did really appreciate the few times that family brought us food, heated it up, and held her while we ate.
pomegranate / 3779 posts
I wanted people to come visit. Especially after DH went back to work, but too early to start taking her out places. And food is great. Especially things I could eat one-handed and didn't have to really prepare.
When my sister ca me home with her twins, what she really wanted was some one to come hold a baby so she could get things done. With two, it seemed that one of them was always crying to be held, so she couldn't do anything but hold babies for the first few months.
pomegranate / 3388 posts
I agree with food and holding baby while you shower or nap. Also, some people might not want their stuff touched, but I would have loved anyone to just tidy up a little bit. Wash the dishes in the sink or get the piles of random baby crap back into some semblance of order.
papaya / 10560 posts
Definitely organize or arrange meals. If it's a really close friend, I totally wouldn't care if they did the laundry.
pear / 1965 posts
Yup I agree with the food. I like to make a couple meals. Something that they just have to throw in the oven that's ready to bake or even something that can be thrown in the freezer for later.
pear / 1699 posts
Food! Casseroles, rotisserie chickens, salads, or party food like cheese, meat, crackers, veggies, fruit ect were awesome as food always sat around a bit before I got to it.
My sisters, mom and MIL just cleaned without asking - I really appreciated it. Also, I had a grocery list that my BFF went out and got for me (with my cc) a couple times since my 3rd degree cut made walking impossible.
I liked company to leave around the hour mark the first 2 weeks - unless they were doing something for us of course!
honeydew / 7811 posts
@runnerd: the best friends were the ones who texted well in advance to figure out a good time (in our case, early in the day was awesome, late afternoon and evening were a nightmare!), stopped by, didn't stay long at all, told me I looked great, and left delicious food!
pomelo / 5258 posts
I didn't want any visitors the first week but when I was ready I would have loved:
-friends to announce that they are totally cool with me nursing in front of them. I'm going to do it anyway so don't make me wonder if you care. If your friend wants privacy for nursing insist on being the one to leave the room. New moms often have a "nursing station" set up. Don't sit in it or make her feel like she needs to move from it for any reason. If she's comfortable nursing in front of you bring her water & snacks.
-cookies & hand held food
-Once DH went back to work I would have loved someone to offer to come to Target or BRU with me. Some of those early trips were so daunting.
-Texts saying "hi" but not with a lot of questions or expectations of responses. It seems so easy to respond to a text but in the early days it wasn't easy at all for me.
Every new mom is different so just arm yourself with lots of ways to be helpful and I'm sure you'll be appreciated.
persimmon / 1026 posts
I preferred more bonding time with just me, my husband and LO for the first few weeks so we kept visitors to a minimum. However, I would have loved if friends offered to come over for dinner and just held the baby so my husband and I could have eaten together at least once a week.
If you do food, I would recommend bringing muffins, snacks, easy on-the-go items. One friend prepared a couple crock-pot meals for us which was great (she basically threw all the ingredients in a zip-lock bag and then we stored in the fridge until we were ready to make it).
Always check in a couple hours before you're supposed to visit to make sure your estimated arrival time is still good. I was not comfortable nursing in public and I felt like people would always show up in the middle of a nursing session.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Food! I also really loved the company because I found it lonely by myself. Not everyone is like that, so make sure you ask.
eggplant / 11861 posts
My best friend had her baby and she was in the NICU fkr two weeks :((( heartbreaking! I would text and all what she needed, I bought over dinner and when LO came home me and DH just let v them know time and time again, we were here for anything ad her DH is my DH best friend too!!
grapefruit / 4311 posts
@FaithFertility: we have same relationship, her DH is also my DH's best friend
Thanks for the advice guys!
eggplant / 11861 posts
@runnerd: that actually makes its easier I think...... we would go over time to time and have dinner and chat, and she didn't feel guilty for having me over and her DH got some guy time in too with my DH as well!!
cantaloupe / 6687 posts
Just drop off a meal and maybe a short visit but like others said I wasn't up for entertaining for the first 2 months
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
Everyone is different - visitors, even close friends, gave me anxiety for about 6 weeks. I would err on the safe side and make visits short & sweet. Bring fresh fruit & easy snacks. We had way too much "food-food" & not enough easy stuff! Ask how nursing is going & make lactation cookies if she's worried about supply at all.
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