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My 5-1/2 year old still does this, but I think it's just at home with us, not something he does at school. Following though because I can use tips too to encourage him to react appropriately. Yesterday he got upset because he couldn't get the front door open (slightly frozen) and instead of asking for help, or trying again, he has a huge melt down.

As the mother of a 4.5 year old boy that I had to carry from the locker room in the aquatic center all the way to the car while crying and screaming because he didn't want to get changed this sounds somewhat age appropriate.

I think you are doing the right things by praising and encouraging positive reactions. I try to give DS some space when he is upset and prompt him to use words to describe his feelings so I can acknowledge them.

My 7yo did this and we did a lot of asking “do I need to cry about this?”. Basically, her default response was to cry so we worked on being a bit more mindful and thinking about appropriate reactions.

My script for this sounds something like, "wow that is loud crying. It's fine to cry if you are sad or hurt. Are you sad or hurt? Yes? Tell me why so I can help/No? Then calm your body, please. I don't think you are sad or hurt. I think maybe you feel disappointed. When we feel disappointed we can take big breaths or ask for a hug, but we don't scream."

Also following as a mom of an almost 4 year old girl who cries about everything/nothing. When does the crying because they want something stop? Why can't they just ask for it, without it being a crying fit?! LOL So, hugs momma's!

@hitchhiker: My example relates more to my nearly-four year old, because that’s what I can think of off the top of my head, but he likes to wear ankle socks, and then when he puts on his snow boots he hates how his pant legs bunch, and he FREAKS OUT, wailing and crying, so I’ve been trying things like “Buddy. This is a problem that is easy to fix, you just have to use your words. You aren’t hurt and you aren’t sad, you’re just frustrated. This is a small problem, and you are having a very big reaction.”

So I guess I try to frame it in terms of how easy it is to fix and how seriously it affects us vs what decibel level they are using.

@Corduroy: Following because my son is the most dramatic boy you ever did see 🙄 He is four now and it’s like a light switched on at his birthday. A very very bad light ...

My 5 year old is like this. One thing that helps is if we're able to warn him. Like if we say in advance "I have something to tell you and I think you might be disappointed. It's okay to feel upset but we can work together to come up with a solution, ok? <insert bad news here>" I feel like having the warning and agreeing to come up with a solution in advance help the immediate over-the-top reactions a good portion of the time.

@hitchhiker: one of my coworkers did a class project on this. They did a visual wall where they wrote out small, medium and large problems. So small are things that are to manage yourself like being disappointed that you didn't get a purple folder or breaking a pencil or someone taking too long a turn or a stubbed toe. Medium things you might need to ask a friend or adult to help with. You're bleeding, you can't find something you need after looking carefully, a friend isn't listening to your words. Big things need other helpers like doctors. Big problems are things like broken bones, fires, etc. Having it written or drawn out in three circles on a poster really helped visualize it. Then for a whole with every problem they walked over to the poster and talked through where it belonged and how to solve it.

@MrsSRS: that is a great idea. Thank you!

@hitchhiker: For something that I wouldn’t - I try to remember that to them, their feelings are real, even though to me, it seems absurd.

@erinbaderin: yeah, I agree, but sometimes it's so hard!

@peaches1038: yes this is so, so valuable!! For one of my kids it's helpful for me to also model hypotheticals. Like, "oh I'm so frustrated I spilled that. I would really like to scream super, super loud. But that wouldn't be helpful/safe/appropriate. So I'm going to do some deep breaths until I feel less frustrated."

@Corduroy: I haven't had a chance to read all the replies, but my son has been dubbed the school "crybaby" (by the other kids.) The school has expressed concerns over his lack of coping mechanisms. For example, my son was crying when the other kids were running because he didn't realize they were playing a game. Then, he started crying again when he thought they were running away from him. When he is playing with a toy and it falls apart, he starts crying. One thing that has worked has been saying "When you get mad/sad/etc, try to ______." And then he responds with "fix it!" So, we try to find a solution or ask him what he thinks we should do to fix it. We also ask him to take a breath. It's not always perfect, but I think it is starting to click and his teacher says things are getting better once I shared this with her.
TBH, I am relieved I am not alone!