DD is not quite 2.5 but is very verbal. I have a 3-day business trip coming up and I'm not sure how to explain it to her. I've had lots of trips in the past, but none very recently, and I know it's going to be hard on her to have me away now that she's so aware of everything. Fortunately it's short this time, but I'm also going to have some longer ones in the next few months. I don't want to tell her it's for work, because she already sometimes tells me she doesn't want me to go to work, she wants us to stay home and go to the park...sooo, I really don't want to give her extra reason to dislike mommy's work. But she also doesn't have a great concept of time yet, and I'm not sure how to say that mommy will be away for a couple days and then I'll be back. It doesn't help that we've had houseguests for the past two weeks (first a friend, then my parents) and she keeps asking where they went -- I'm worried that she'll be upset that people keep disappearing from the house and flip out when I'm gone. I know there are a bunch of pther mamas on here who travel for work, so any advice from you all is much appreciated!
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I traveled when DS was 3 and I left little gifts for him to open at dinner time - he knew that after he opened the last one I would be home - it was a Mon-Fri work trip.
He knew I was going for work - so cant help you there
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@Mamaof2: ooh, great idea! She loves presents (and she sings herself happy birthday pretty much every day, haha) so I'll bet she'd like that.
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I think she'll surprise you and be fine. I have a 2.5 yo who does all the things you describe (asks where guests went, tells us she doesn't want us to go to work, etc....) My husband travels for work regularly and it's really not a big deal to her. She definitely asks where he is, tells me she misses him and tells him via FaceTime every night that she misses him, but all in all, she's fine. My biggest piece of advice would be to not make a big deal of it - we tell her that daddy is going on the airplane to go to work in whatever state for x number of days and then he'll come home. He says goodbye to her the same way that he says goodbye every morning before he leaves for work. Most mornings, she asked where is his, I remind her that he is at work, and she almost always says "but he'll come back" (thank you Daniel tiger for teaching her that grown ups come back) and then she moves on with her day.
This isn't related to travel but when I was getting ready to have LO2 I had all these plans about how I was going to prepare her for me being in the hospital for a week and I ended up having LO 6 weeks early and didn't get to do any of it. I literally went to work one morning and didn't come back for a week. I was convinced that she'd freak out, but she did totally fine. She definitely asked about me, and was interested in when I was coming back, but she wasn't upset. It was much harder on me than her - same when my husband travels, it's much harder on him than it is her.
Sorry for the novel !
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I just had one and have never been away from the house while the kids are still there. My almost 4 year old I just told I had to go away and work for a few days and that I'll be back in X days and would miss him. I explained who would feed him dinner, do bedtime, and help him get to school. We face timed last night and he was a little sad, but fine : )
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I was going say what @Madison43 did. I travel for work once a year for a week, and a few times a month I have to leave early (before she's up) and be home late due to work, and I tell my almost 3 year old that mommy is going on a trip. She barely notices that I'm gone - I think it only comes up when I FaceTime her - and she's never differentiated whether I'm going for work or for something else (I've done a few personal trips for a night or a few nights away with friends). Their sense of time and continuity isn't all that developed yet, so she likely won't even notice that you're gone except during times that you're especially present, and even then it may not happen.
Also, I would actually encourage you to emphasize that you're going for work. Mine says that she doesn't want me to go to work too, but I want to raise her to think that mommy going to work is something for her to be proud of. At this age she's far away from understanding what that means, but for example this morning, I had to leave early and usually she's still asleep but she was up earlier than usual so I sat with her for a bit and she kept saying no, don't go to work. And I said to her that mommy loves to work, just like she loves school (she loves being in daycare), and that we'll see each other for dinner and playtime later. I try to associate my work with positive experiences for her so that she knows it's something good.
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@Mrs. Carrot: Agree, I would try to promote work as a proud thing and create a strong work ethic. We also explain my work in very simple terms. Mommy helps the schools get computers and iPads. Its a very loose interpretation of one part of my job but its something she can relate to. Mommy has to help the other kids and other schools.
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My DH travels a lot. We just tell her Daddy to get on an airplane to go to work this week. He will be home in a couple days. Then talk up we are having a girls week .
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@Madison43: I agree! My LO (also 2.5) would love for me to stay home most days, but I always start talking about work trips about a week in advance. Something like--"Remember, mommy is going to be going away for a few days for work in _ days, but she'll miss you and loves you very much and will be so happy to see you when she comes back! Mommy sometimes has to go away, but she always comes back." I think taking away the element of surprise and talking about how much fun and how exciting it will be when you come back will help a lot.
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I've just told LO that I had to go to work, but that my work was far away for a few days. We Facetimed, which has been both helpful and not helpful, all within the same trip
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My husband traveled a lot of February. We told my 3.5 year old that he was at work and would be home in "blank" number of sleeps. Then we would count down many times a day. "Good morning! Now daddy will be home in 2 sleeps". My husband would send text messages and videos updates too. Like being on a plane and airport stuff if he had time. My son loved it and it felt like he was involved in the travel. He loved when it was the videos about coming home too!!!
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one thing that has helped is talking up the airplane part of it, for some reason. It gives her a visual. DH travels a bit for work, and we do tell her it's for work (but she likes when we go to work, maybe we did something wrong in the attachment phase of parenting
). But we talk up how daddy is going on an airplane, and while he's gone, she points to every airplane she sees and says "maybe that one's going to [Chicago, Miami, wherever we told her he was] to see daddy!" she knows the days of the week, so we tell her what day he's coming home and she gets excited counting down the days. Honestly, I don't think i'd lie to her, because I think you'd want her to understand that work is important, and also not really a choice. If you don't tell her why you're going away, she might feel worse that you're choosing to go away for long periods. maybe call it a business trip as opposed to going to work and she'll start to differentiate the two but understand that neither is really your choice?
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similar to the gift idea, a mini-calendar might work. Draw out the boxes for the days you will be gone, with pictures (airplane on the day you leave, DD playing on the middle days, airplane on the day you come back) -- she can X out a day at dinner each night. When the last box has an X, you will be home that day!
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It doesn't really phase her (2.5 years old). My husband travels for work regularly and she does ask for him or where he is, but we FaceTime every day. She likes to have video tours of his hotel room. We just say that Daddy is at work in X place and that he will be home on X day.
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I wouldn't downplay work; it's apart of your life and by default hers too. The use of a calendar may help. Mark when you return and she can check off the days until you do. Gifts upon returning are nice too!
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I'm in the mindset of it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. My husband has a job where he travels quite a bit. It started when LO was around 3, and he just turned 4. We've never done anything special, just told him Dad has to go away for work for a few days (or a week) and that's that. He does ask where he is and sometimes after I tell him he says Daddy works too much. I respond with that is the nature of his job, he doesn't always get to come home for dinner every night. Then we go back to playing.
My uncle has worked in a job for the majority of his career where he is gone for 4-6 weeks at a time and home for 4 weeks. Didn't seem to affect my cousins at all. They knew that was just the way it was.
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Second Daniel Tiger's "Grownups come back"
Also, "I miss you stinkyface" is all about the mom going on a trip on an airplane. We read it when my husband's away for work. -
DH goes out of town all the time and I go sometimes. The biggest thing is to kee your own tone light and excited. We usually talk about it for a few days ahead of time. I get him excited about daddy picking him up from school or grandma etc. and I tell him when I'll FaceTime him and when I'll be home. Every trip at every age has gone well...(he's 3 now).
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I agree with others about being truthful that it's for work. My LO also says things like "No! Don't leave!" and "Where's Grammy?" or whatever when people stay with us for a few days, but we just answer matter-of-factly that they were just visiting and had to go to their home. LO may ask questions about why they live in a different city, why they don't live with us, etc., but he doesn't get upset.
When I go on business trips, I sometimes make videos like I'm a news correspondent, haha. Like I was in San Fran and saw some construction trucks and a carousel and he loved those.
It sounds like you feel guilty that you work and I totally get the impulse to want to protect her, but I think it's more effective to be confident in the fact that you have a job to do, just like she does (goes to school or plays on the playground, etc.). I wouldn't assume she really dislikes your work - pushing boundaries and asking for everything under the sun is just what 2.5 year olds do! You can help her see that it's not anything to worry about by being calm and straightforward about the whole thing.
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I also suggest Daniel Tiger's "Grownups Come Back." There is a clip of a real little kid whose mom goes on a business trip and she takes a picture of him everywhere. I am going on a trip with a friend (not for work) and I'm planning to have her help me pack a picture of her in my bag.
@Aandmklover: I really like the number of sleeps idea. I think I might make one of those paper link things with LO to count down the days until I come home for my upcoming trip. And I like the idea of sending her pictures and videos of the airport, airplane, places I'm going, etc.
@dagret: Great book suggestion - thanks!
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I say work trip and emphasize when I'll get back "I'll pick you up from school on Friday!" etc. Good luck!
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Thanks for the ideas, everyone. It's really helpful. I'm probably overthinking it -- my earlier trips were all totally fine, but right now I feel like DD is at a stage where she understands the basics of what's happening when she's in a calm and rational mood, but that all goes out the window when she's tired/cranky/emotional.
The "this many sleeps" thing is good -- I might make her a picture with boxes she can put stickers in for each night, and after the boxes are filled I'll be home. She doesn't really get any TV other than a Sesame Street video on YouTube while we brush teeth and a very occasional episode of Curious George, so she has no idea who Daniel Tiger is. I'm not sure the episode would carry much weight even if I found it some where and showed it to her. But the Stinkyface book might help
I don't think telling her that I'm going on an airplane is a good idea, only because she's been asking to get on an airplane for WEEKS and if she finds out I'm doing that without her, there will be hell to pay. She loves planes, she's practically obsessed. She was mad that she didn't get to go on the plane with grandma and grandpa the other day, so I'd rather just limit discussion of airplanes in general until we have a trip planned for her.
DH travels sometimes, too, and it's never an issue, but she has a real mommy preference. I'm mainly concerned about the mornings, she really hates having anyone but me come in when she first wakes up. The rest of the day is usually fine. But maybe it will be good for her. I know DH is nervous about it, which is probably rubbing off on me.
I don't have any guilt about working, I just don't want her making negative associations about it. Since she's already saying she doesn't want me to go to work (even though she loves daycare and is always fine once we leave the house in the morning), I didn't want to risk making it worse. But maybe I'll rethink that, especially since I'll be traveling a lot over the summer. Saying "business trip" rather than "work" is a good idea, I think.
Again, thanks to all of you for weighing in! It gives me a lot to think about!
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My kids both have a huge mommy preference! I don't often travel for work but have a couple of times recently (once for a week!)
For my oldest, who is also 2.5, I did what the bees are describing above in that there was a lot of lead up - mommy is going for this many days but will be back, she's going to miss you etc.
The only thing I would add is that when I facetimed (I've tried it now several times) he totally freaks out and is so upset the rest of the day! So I don't call him anymore even though it breaks my heart! I think he doesn't remember he misses me until he sees I'm not there lol
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T is much younger but DH is gone at least 3 nights a month- sometimes as many as 10. He tells her that he is leaving and will be back, they have a little chat the day he leaves. We FaceTime every day.
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My daughter often doesn't see Daddy all day long because he works split shifts and his break is during her nap. We call him when it is appropriate to do so and we talk about why he has to work. We also watch the Daniel Tiger "Grown Ups Come Back to You" song and I remind her often when he will be back (aka you can see Daddy in one nap and one sleep and he will be here for breakfast after that). When we go away without her, we get her a special little present that she can open once we are totally gone- a fairy sticker book was a huge hit.
). But we talk up how daddy is going on an airplane, and while he's gone, she points to every airplane she sees and says "maybe that one's going to [Chicago, Miami, wherever we told her he was] to see daddy!" she knows the days of the week, so we tell her what day he's coming home and she gets excited counting down the days. 
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