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If she wants her kid to have an iPad, she can damn well pay for it herself.

So incredibly rude that i don't even have words....

this does strike me as odd, although is it coming from a place of insecurity (on her part)? maybe she feels the need to do a "family gift" so that she feels her son and new family are connected? totally speculating here. in any case, i would probably do the separate gift.

Perhaps, since he is a step-nephew to you and your family, she assumes you don't know him well enough to buy him a gift he will appreciate, so she's suggesting that you can contribute to the family gift fund and not be at a loss at what to get him?

It's not something I would do, but I've heard of it before.

My sister's SIL sends people detailed lists of things "her son" wants for Christmas/birthday (Dec birthday). When he was turning 1 (and first Christmas) she had "La Senza gift cards" on the list. Ummm, what need does a 1 YO boy have for lingerie?!?! My sister was pissed.

@alphagam84: I totally think it's rude and I would not like being told what gift I'm giving someone unless I wanted to go in on a group gift, BUT to play devil's advocate, could she be doing it bc she doesn't want a bunch of "stuff" and would rather him have one big gift he will use? I wouldn't do it but I know my sister and I just give our nieces and nephews money now (all are under age 6) bc they have SO MANY TOYS and I appreciate it bc it is one less toy to deal with.
Could you just give him the money directly? At age 9, he would understand and would like it.

Do you do this for all the family members, or just this one kid? Regardless, I would NOT be participating in the "family gift".

Yeah...no. Even if I thought a 9 year old needed an iPad, I wouldn't respond well to being gift grabbed like that.

It's rude, presumptuous and pretty greedy to automatically assume that someone will contribute to your child's gift. I would buy him something really loud and obnoxious.

Oh man, I would definitely get a gift you want to get him!

My SIL kind of did this 'family gift' thing for her 2 year old daughter, but better (IMO). They had just built her a dollhouse, so she mentioned to everyone asking what to get her daughter that they could furnish & decorate a room in the dollhouse if they wanted. It turned out being a LOT of fun! But, you could tell she felt bad giving specific direction towards a gift, and made it clear she wasn't expecting you to do it

That is so weird. She sounds like a control freak. My MIL always sends us a list of what everyone wants, which I think is also a little controlling, but since it's my in laws I let DH deal with it.

So rude! I like spending a certain amount but try to get what I'm looking for on sale (sometimes months in advance) so they get a better gift for my budget. My niece did ask for money once because she broke her iPod and wanted to replace it...but only after I asked her what she wanted.

I think I'd just go with whichever route would allow me to give cheerfully. No use giving towards a family gift if its going to make you irritated.

I think it's odd to ask for contributions to the "family gift," but I'm wondering if she's just trying to limit the amount of presents her son gets? Personally, I find Christmas and birthdays to be super overwhelming due to the sheer amount of gifts my children are blessed with.