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We did Christmas with my parents the weekend before Christmas last year. Someone is always going to lose when parents are far away, it's just the way it is, unfortunately. Your parents and his parents will understand afterwards but it will be tough to tell them.

I would just plan a weekend either before or after Christmas that you can go and celebrate with your family.

I have been through this my whole life. My parents split up when I was 3 so every year it has been a battle of the parents to get us on xmas morning. Since DH and LO came in the picture, I basically told them that we wont be able to please everyone every year so they will just have to accept it. It was very stressful always trying to please everyone. From now on, whoever gives us the invite first gets first dibs. But in the end we make the final decision. I am sorry you have to make the call and feel bummed for your family. As far as gifts go, maybe buy a few smaller gifts to spread it out to both sides?

We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between my and Hubs' family. This year we'll have Thanksgiving with Hubs' family and Christmas with mine.

For Thanksgiving, sometimes we'll get together the weekend after with the family that didn't have us that day, but not always. It just depends on if we're invited to something, but if we're not, we don't go out of our way to see them.

For Christmas, we'll usually get together with the family the weekend before or after Christmas (and sometimes a couple weeks later, depending on people's schedules). We just told people "It's not feasible for us to see everyone for every holiday, so this is the schedule. Yes, we won't see you on Christmas this year, but we will next year!"

My brother is still single, so he spends all holidays with my parents. If we're not there, the three of them just celebrate without us! Last year we weren't at Christmas with my family, so the three of them got together and opened presents between the three of them! Then when we got together with them the following weekend, we did gifts that were to and from us!

@LindsayInNY: I don't know what else you can try, honestly. For some people, like an ex's mother, the important thing is that you are there to open presents on Christmas morning. Nothing else is acceptable.

This may be totally ridiculous and impractical, but what about a skype session to open the gifts together?

@LindsayInNY: Couldn't your sister and parents open presents between the three of them on Christmas day, and then you and them will open presents between you and them whenever you get together with them? That's what we do in my family.

We split Christmas Day, but now that we have a LO I don't know what to do. Technically it's DHs familys year, butI want to stay put even though LO will only be 3 months. It's our first Chrismad in our new home...I want to start our own traditions and finally put up our own tree!

The problem is my family is local so I hope it doesn't look like I'm choosing my family. I'm hoping DHs family will come up here and we can do a big combined Christmas. Our families get along really well and spend the other holidays (thanksgiving, Easter) together so fx it's not a big deal.

Ugh -I know I'm no help - the holidays are always so stressful!!

@LindsayInNY: Just here to commiserate! Holidays are SUPER complicated for us and there aren't any LOs in the family, anywhere. Just lots of divorces and distance to contend with.

I like what @adira: said about just opening gifts separately... we're doing that that this year. We have spent a lot of miserable Christmases up and down the Jersey Turnpike -- Xmas Eve at his parents in NJ, Xmas morning driving down to my mom's in MD, Xmas day night with my dad's extended fam, Dec 26 with dad and stepmom and stepsibs... it takes all the fun out of the holidays for me.

This year, we decided to be very selfish and go away just the two of us since DH gets so little time off work and it could be our last holiday without LOs! We are celebrating with his parents and my mom on Sat, Dec 21 and opening gifts with them then, going to Miami just the two of us Dec 23-27, and then seeing my dad and stepmom around the New Year. We're trying to get away from lots of gifts anyway since everyone was so generous to us this year for our wedding.

To be honest, the moms took some getting used to the idea of us not being with them on Christmas, but I'm trying to sell them on quality time versus the importance of a particular day (esp since we're not religious).

DH's parents are divorced (and both remarried) so we have three families that always want us to be with them. Luckily we have a good system down.

We live close to MIL & her wife so we just do a Xmas brunch before we leave to visit my family for Xmas on the east coast. We spend thanksgiving with FIL and his wife on the east coast. Luckily FIL is Jewish so Xmas isn't a big thing for them.

Now that LO #2 is on the way, we will probably so this for another year or two but then start spending Xmas at our own house. My mom will just come stay with us then.

It's such a tough thing! I think everyone can commiserate with you a bit, even people with flexible families. Someone is always bound to fel a little hurt or left out.

We have tried to alternate years for who gets the "actual" holiday and who we see before/after. We also give consideration to who it might be more important to be with for various reasons (ie, it can be tricky to open gifts early at Christmas if one side has little nieces and nephews involved who don't understand why it is Christmas early, or one side is hosting Thanksgiving for the entire extended family that year). What about making up for missing "the day" by coming to your parents house a few days early to spend extra time with them, so they can see that they're getting some special treatment too?

I also really commend you on being fair with the way you divide time even though your hubby's family is more flexible. My family is very flexible and sometimes it is all too easy to give them the short end of the stick because I know they'd never in a million years complain. In the end, everyone is usually just so happy we are there that any complaints floating around in the planning stages dissipate immediately once we arrive!

@LindsayInNY: so we've had to come to the understanding that we will spend the holidays with each family, but the holiday may not be on the actual DAY, and that's going to have to be OK. The first few years were rough, but both of our parents (well, my parents and my MIL) have been great about realizing that we have to balance our nuclear family plus two other families as well.

We try to hit one side around Christmas, or in the days after, and the other side for a few days leading up to New Year's. Then, we do the big dinner and gifts a few days late. My parents and sisters still open some gifts on Christmas Day, but they save some for when we get there a few days later. They do a big dinner on Christmas, but we'll have another one all together, etc. We always Skype with families who we're not with on the holiday.

Last year, we started a new thing, which worked really well for us. We spent Christmas Eve by ourselves, attended our church service, and made a big dinner. Then, on Christmas morning, we got up, I made cinnamon rolls and coffee, and we got in the car to drive to my parents', who live 3 hours away. We got there around 12:00 p.m. and opened gifts with them while having brunch. Later in the day, we went to my grandma's.

It sounds stressful, but it was actually really nice. It's a very easy drive, weather permitting, and it gave everyone the chance to go their own ways for a while. We drove to my MIL's on December 28 (they live another 4 hours from my parents), and we came home on January 2. We're going to try to do the same thing next year with LO, open a few presents at home in the morning, then head to my parents for the rest of the day. Of course, if it gets really crappy weather-wise, we will have to go the next day, and that will have to be OK.

I know that we're lucky because we are on a school schedule and can take the whole week off. It's hard having both families out of town (and in different directions, to boot). I think we've found something that works for us, though. This year, we are going to my parents for a few days, then coming home. My MIL and SIL are going to drive up the week after New Year's, and we will celebrate the holidays then. That way, no one is stressed out over travel, and we get to see everyone.

I hope that you can get your parents to understand that they can't always expect you to be there for Christmas morning...you have other family and your own to balance as well! It's rough to break the news, but it's worth it in the end. Good luck!

@LindsayInNY: Ughh...holidays are so hard. Our families are too far apart to see both of them during the holidays, so we just alternate. I would just talk to your parents and mention that you have to be at ILs on the 28th and that you're planning on driving down the 24th since they haven't actually had you with them on Christmas. Hopefully, your family will understand that DH's family would like you on Christmas now and then, too. As for gifts, maybe you could just exchange and open the gifts that are to or from you and DH while you're with your family and they could open the remaining presents on Christmas Day. Good luck! I know it's challenging to keep everyone happy and figure out how to logistically manage splitting holidays.

It's hard and there certainly is a lot of guilt tripping from my mom but we are both close to our family so the only fair way is to split all holidays. We've been alternating thanksgiving and Christmas for as long as I remember.
Last year for Los first Christmas we started staying home for Christmas because we want her to experience Christmas the way we want her to. My family is pretty lax about Christmas. So for the foreseeable future thanksgiving will be with my family and Christmas with his at our home.

It Sucks because I hate missing Christmas with my niece and nephews. But they also know they have a standing invitation to travel to us as well!

We are changing this year so we are home on Christmas, just the 3 of us. We don't want to spend the 4 hours in the car on Christmas any more. We haven't told the IL's that we won't be there till the day after Christmas yet. I figure that is DH's job. But I just told my Mom, that despite being in town, we will be staying home. I said that I would rather come to their house but we don't think it is fair to see my family and not DH's. She was super bummed, but I think it helped telling her straight up and she has time to adjust to the change.