I was very surprised by the forgiveness/compassion thoughts in the Dzhokhar Tsarnaev thread. And then I started thinking- is something wrong with me that I would basically want to kill someone with my own 2 hands if they hurt/killed someone I love?
So I'm genuinely curious- if someone intentionally killed your LO or someone you love more than anything- would you be able to forgive that person/show them mercy?
grapefruit / 4321 posts
No, I would not be able to forgive him or have any empathy for him. However that doesn't mean I think putting him to death is the only answer.
I have no sympathy in my heart for Tsarnaev. He is a horrible horrible person who deserves the worst the world has to offer. But... I don't understand the blood lust of people wishing death on him, in my eyes that doesn't make you any better than he is. Better he rot in prison and live with what he did.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I sincerely hope I could forgive, because I believe forgiveness is crucial for healing and moving on. I don't believe in revenge and forgiveness is a part of my core beliefs.
However, I have never been in that circumstance and it would be naive of me to say with 100% certainty that I would be able to forgive someone who hurt someone close to me.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
No, I don't think I ever could. The best I can hope is that I could forgive someone who did something entirely unintentionally- even that would be so hard.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
@Truth Bombs: yes to this. I am not opposed to the death sentence for him on moral grounds, but logistical.
pomelo / 5257 posts
I don't know that I could forgive, but I'm very strongly against the death penalty. To me, that's not even about forgiving the perpetrator so much as the fact that I don't think anyone has the right to take a life. If you're interested in a really fascinating read about parents dealing with this exact situation, I recommend checking this out: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/01/06/magazine/can-forgiveness-play-a-role-in-criminal-justice.html?referrer=
I don't know if I could find it in me to do what they did, but I really respect it.
GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts
Probably not. But I think you can separate the two as I'm against capital punishment.
I also know many people who wouldn't terminate a pregnancy but are still pro-choice.
cantaloupe / 6634 posts
It would take a long time but I would want to forgive them. Holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I believe forgiveness if for me, to release myself from their burden, not necessarily for them. It's also a cornerstone to who I am. I believe God has forgiven the unforgivable in me. I am not saying it's easy or that I am saint, it's something that I strive to do and often struggle with.
grapefruit / 4066 posts
Eta I'm not talking about the death penalty. I get that you can be against the death penalty but still not forgive someone. I'm referring to some of the sentiments that came out of that thread- like forgiving someone, believing that all human life is equal, etc.
cantaloupe / 6017 posts
I don't know. I have forgiven people who did horrible things to me. And I believe in the worthiness of all human beings to be treated as such. And I am entirely against capital punishment.
I hope that with time and healing, I would be able to release my anger. Its been my experience, both personally and from observation of others in my work as a therapist, that those who have hurt us are not bothered by our anger against them. So it only serves to punish us more if we hold on to it. I hope that I could find peace and learn to make meaning.
But I have no idea what my actual response would be.
cantaloupe / 6017 posts
this is one of my favorite TED talks, and speaks to this topic. I highly recommend it.
pomegranate / 3643 posts
I think it would be extremely difficult. And I don't know that I would. But I don't think I would feel better by seeing harm/death come to them. Not that I wouldn't want them to just be gone from this world. But to actively see it and root for it happening is not something I can picture bringing me healing. But I get that it wouldn't feel fair that they lived while my loved one didn't.
I don't think that laws and punishments should be based on the emotions of the victims, however, but rather what is best for society. And I don't think the death penalty is best.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Maybe. It'd depend who they killed, how they did it, whether they were sorry, who they were...
It's doubtful, especially if they killed my child or my husband, or one of my parents/siblings.
pomelo / 5607 posts
I really can't imagine forgiving them. Moving on and not hating them all the time, maybe. Then again, I'm a VERY concrete thinker. Concepts like forgiveness really don't mean much to me. (Literally when I try to mentally put myself in that position, I can't figure out what "forgiving" them actually *means.* This made english class super fun when we studied poetry and things btw.)
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
My goal would be forgiveness. I'd only find out if that's acheivable by having it happen to me. And I pray every day that I never have to find out.
nectarine / 2521 posts
It depends on what your version of forgiveness looks like. My version would be to move on and not hold on to hate or bitterness. But I am a big believer that consequences have actions, so to me forgiveness doesn't mean a lesser punishment - that is grace. And for me to have grace/compassion for someone that killed my loved ones, that would be very, very hard and I'm not sure possible.
papaya / 10570 posts
I'm against the death penalty because I believe that nobody has the right to take a life. But if someone intentionally killed my daughter, I would murder then with my own hands.
I think there's a difference between the revenge sought by a bereaved mother and justice as defined by a civilized society. This is why victims and their families are not burdened with making these decisions in court. But who are we if in our calm, rational, policy-making discussions we decide we have the right to take someone's life in certain circumstances? Wasn't Tsarnev himself killing "to avenge deaths"?? When does it stop?
I shed a tear when I read the verdict but I wasn't weeping for him. I was weeping for us.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I think that's the whole idea behind the death penalty. Acts like this are so unforgivable that in most people's opinion death is the only fair solution.
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