I am about to lose it. As a newborn DD was a pretty good sleeper, never had her nights & days mixed up, always nursed & went straight back to sleep. She gradually started sleeping longer & longer stretches. We were consistently getting a 6 hour stretch for like a month with an occasional night of sleeping all the way through. Then, we hit a sleep regression. It started getting better & we even had a two nights (not in a row) of sleeping through again so I had hope. & now it's just terrible. I am personally averaging 6 hours of sleep a night being interrupted at least 4 times & being so tired that nearly half my sleep is spent sitting up because I forgot to lay down. I try to go to he's earlier but every time I'm doing good is when my LO decides she must awaken 3 times within an hour & need to be rocked. She immediately stops crying when she gets picked up, making me want to sleep train. But we room share & I don't want her crying to bother DH. LO's crying just woke him so I said "She stopped crying when I picked her up, I think we should let her cry." (Wanting his input) & all he did was grunt, I didn't know what to do so we left the room to go rock. I'm currently sitting here crying because I am so incredibly tired & fed up & I just want some freaking support. I can't do it. I need to sleep. I have no idea what to do at her next waking.
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I am sorry. Maybe she is teething or having a rough patch or growth spurt or something. Does she have a safe swing?
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If you think it's time to sleep train, give it a try! I would talk to your husband about it during the day so he knows what to expect at night and also get some support/help from him. How old is your lo?
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Honestly, in your shoes I would sleep train. We sleep trained LO when we were room sharing. We waited for a long weekend and went for it. We slept in the living room until she was trained. She goes to bed a good three hours before we do, so it wasn't so bad.
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@Greentea: yes but she hasn't slept in it in months. I don't mind putting her to sleep, it's the night wakings that are killer.
@yellowbird: she will be 6 months on the 12th.
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I'm sorry. Have you considered moving her out of your room? I resisted because we wanted to go to a year, but things got really bad. We've had a few bad nights, but overall having her out of our room has led to a major improvement, even without any sleep training.
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@Silva: really? It scares me because of the wakings. I really don't want to have to get out of bed & walk across the house 4+ times a night. That's one of the reasons we haven't moved her.
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I have a very bad sleeper, it's so tough, but it will get better. I bought Weissbluths book which made so much sense and helped develop a game plan to get some sleep, instead if being all over the place. Our LO wasn't able to sleep for longer than 4 hours until 9 months and then had a string of illnesses and travel, so it took us awhile to sort things out,. You will too!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I would move her out before you sleep train. You might be waking each other up! We all slept better once we moved him out. Also, I think the middle of the night is the worst time ever to make decisions about baby sleep -- try to make it through tonight and devise a plan if you're ready to sleep train in the morning! I know it's frustrating -- I've been there! I'd also check for teeth, etc. to make sure it's not a comfort thing.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I totally felt the same way. At 6 months we did do basically a version of the sleep lady shuffle so she'd put herself to sleep. We continued co sleeping for most of the night until about 8 months, when it stopped working, sow e moved her into a crib in our room. That stopped working about a month later, so we moved her out of our room. I think she slept better the first night. Honestly, she just had a. Hard time sleeping when she could smell me/knew the boobs were available. Plus, I was on her like white on rice if she made a peep. Now sometimes she'll whine once or twice, but immediately fall back asleep.
Anyway, my point is, if it's not working it's not working and something has to change. I totally get the fear of it getting worse and desperately clinging to the little sleep you do get, but it's worth trying something. Make a plan, commit to it, and try it for 5 nights. We always would give deadlines- like if this hasn't helped in 5 nights, we will just go back. -
@scg00387: I agree about the decision making! She wakes up when aren't even in the room yet fairly often. I check her teeth almost daily but I never notice any whiteness or lumps, though she is drooly. Sometimes I'm just too tired to even interact with her the way I'd like to. She used to sleep so well!
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@Silva: thanks! I never thought of the deadline thing!
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Sounds rough mama! You say you don't want to bother your DH, but wondering why he's not helping out? I could not do that alone!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Oh I'm sorry mama! I totally hear you on good STTN and then hitting regressions! We're in some sort of WW craziness here too and the exhaustion is no joke! I also get you on your DH's situation. I do all the night wakings. I agree with a lot of @Silva: advice. I noticed a big improvement once we moved LO into her own room. I was so sensitive to every peep when she was in the room too. And she is a very very sensitive sleeper too. We all slept better after the move. Also, do you have a sound machine or humidifier running in the room? We use both in LOs room. You can always try her in her room and then move her back to your room in the MOTN if the wake-ups get to be too much. I'll admit that is one of my desperately-exhausted moves to get more sleep. I really like that deadline idea too.
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Hugs mama. I have a terrible sleeper too and know where you are coming from. It is exhausting and I hope it gets better.
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How is your LO's daytime routine? I had a consultation with a "Baby Whisperer" when my LO's sleep went haywire at around six months and as I'm not keen on CIO she gave me some great suggestions to try.
She suggested:
Upping her solids intake to make sure she wasn't too hungry at night
Have a more structured daytime routine that included a set wakeup time.
Lots of physical and mental exercise so that LO was worn out and really tired (in a good way!) so that she needed the sleep.
The biggest thing that helped us was bed-sharing, I would jump in to bed with Miss A when she woke and it helped us both get a decent stretch of sleep. I know it's not everybody but it's just a thought
Hang in there mama!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: definitely move her out of your room. Our ped suggested it when sleep was terrible at 4 months. I was hesitant because she was so little but I was back at work full time and I needed some damn sleep. It really really helped. She still woke up, but not as often and not as long. So moving her may eliminate the need for sleep training. Plus, if you do need to sleep train, it will give you a head start because CIO will never work if she's in the room with you.
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@birdofafeather: unless I'm in tears, he never helps out on his own. It's an issue. We're working on it.
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@Kemma: we don't have a set schedule, but she has one she follows on her own *usually*. & we always do a dinner of solids, bath & PJ's, nurse, bed; so she should be fairly full when she goes down. I usually just give her solids until she doesn't seem interested in eating anymore.
It sounds like we should try moving her....thanks guys!
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I was hesitant to move DS into his own room for fear of the million trips down the hall in the middle of the night as well. Turns out he cut his MOTN wakings in half the first night he was in his own room. Things didn't get truly better until we sleep trained with the Ferber method at 4.5 months though...
You'll get through this I promise. I know how hard it is - you begin to truly understand that sleep deprivation can be used as a form of torture. We're here for you!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Is there a reason your husband isn't helping? We have a terrible sleeper too, and my husband and I just take turns doing wake ups. Our LO wakes up about 4 times a night right now (thanks, teething!) crying uncontrollably, and DH and I just tag team it, so we both only have to get up twice. And somehow...twice is more bearable. And then we get longer stretches.
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Like others said, I would move baby out and then sleep train but with your husband's full support.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: Oh also, it sounds like you really need a night of full rest. Can your husband take your LO the entire night tonight, just so that you feel more sane?
My husband does that for me, too. In fact, last night he slept in the nursery all night because I have a huge deadline today at work and was stressing over getting all the work done--he recognized I could use a full night's sleep, so he offered without me even asking!
Good guy. =)
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When I got to this point, the first thing I did was have someone else take care of my son for the night - your mom, DH, whoever - you just need a night of sleep to start this whole thing more calmly and less frustrated to tears if at all possible. It's really not fair for you to deal with all the night wakings alone! Then I would move LO out of your room, because it's quite possible that you and DH's normal nighttime sounds are waking her up. When I moved LO to his own room the thing that majorly helped us was putting a soother in his crib - we got one of the aquarium ones where when you press a button it lights up and plays soft music or bubble noises - he LOVES it and quickly learned how to turn it on when he woke up, and he'll just watch it until he drifts back off to sleep. Then I would use Ferber to sleep train.
Good luck, I really hope you guys make some progress soon!
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I think others have given you good advice, so I'm just chiming in to say it WILL get better. I have a not so great sleeper too and there are nights when you really truly feel like you will not make it. I'd lay in bed not being able to fall back asleep because I just knew the next wake up was coming, wondering if I could actually die of exhaustion.
I would talk it over with your Dh and make a plan during the day. I also handle almost all of the night wake ups, because I'm bfing and I sah, but Dh takes them when I don't want to feed her (if it's too early or too soon after the last one), or when I reach the breaking point and I just can't go into her one more time. She won't settle for me if I go in and don't feed her, because she knows I can feed her, but she will settle down for him because he doesn't smell like milk.
We are also more comfortable with her in her own room. Yeah it stinks walking over there in the middle if the night, but then once she is down I can get back into my bed and move around and get comfortable without worrying about waking her.
Good luck. It's really brutal but you will get through it. And it's not that you are doing anything wrong- some babies have a harder time sleeping. Hope you can have a nice nap today!!
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I recommend moving her out of your room and sleep training. Honey you need some sleep. Babies are adaptable. And I'm willing to bet you will sleep better with her down the hall. I know i started sleeping through some fussing and minor stuff when we moved E. I slept deeper with her not next to me.
Maybe DH can take her Friday night so you can get some rest? You NEED some. Pop some earplugs in and let him deal for one evening.
We moved E into the nursery and sleep trained right before month 6 and she started STTN. Best decision we ever made. yeah it was a tough week. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, though.
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The main reason I do night wakings is that we EBF (though she will take a bottle) & I stay at home, so during the week I don't feel like it's fair to make DH get up. But I literally have to force him to take her when she gets up Sunday mornings so I can sleep until at least 730 or 8 (she gets up at 630) & I try to be as fair as possible to his needs but I do believe part of my frustration when LO wakes really has more to do with him. I'll try to have a talk with him but that often leads to nothing changing. He can be oblivious.
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I would move her out of your room and see if that helps. If not then for sure I would sleep train.
You can't keep going on no sleep. Nor is it fair that your DH sleeps and you don't. Start sleep training on a Friday night when DH doesn't have to work the next day and you get some support.
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@Mrs. Sunshine: This might sound kind of passive-aggressive but there have totally been times on Sunday morning when I've picked up LO and literally just set him on top of my DH and pretty much said your turn. If he gets pissed, well, that's basically what he's doing to you when he refuses to get up and help!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I've said this before, but as a WOHM, I do not believe that a parent going to work is a reason they don't have to do night wakeups!
Being at work and being sleep deprived is NOT harder than being home with two kids and being sleep deprived.
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@wonderstruck: haha that's exactly how every Sunday morning goes...it's that or I'm gonna smother him with his pillow out of anger! lol
@Anagram: thank you. That perspective makes me feel much less guilty for feeling like he should help!
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@Mrs. Sunshine: I totally understand the doing all the night wakings but feeling resentful about it. For us, C much prefers the breast to a bottle of pumped milk, plus it's much easier for me to pull my tank top down and stick a boob in her face than for DH to warm up a bottle (that I would have had to spend the time pumping anyway) and give it to her, and she wouldn't be nearly as comforted by it anyway. So, yeah, I get it.
If you don't decide to sleep train right away, what if you just set a reasonable amount of time between feedings, like if she wakes up less than 4 hours after she ate, your DH goes and soothes her since she isn't hungry. Then after that 4 (or whatever number) hours, you take her and feed her. That's roughly what we do on the bad nights. And one glorious night, she woke up too early to be hungry (for us, it was when she woke up at 1 am), DH went in a soothed her, and she slept until 7. It was amazing. She hasn't done it since though.
I am sorry. Maybe she is teething or having a rough patch or growth spurt or something. Does she have a safe swing?
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