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I would be worried about participating in homeschool group activities, not just play dates, if you’re immunocompromised.

I see no anti-vaccine sentiment on Facebook so I’m guessing you’re probably seeing it because more of your Facebook network includes homeschoolers, a subset of which unfortunately don’t vaccinate (or maybe it’s a regional thing?). I think you have started a really interesting conversation here, because in states where schools have eliminated the religious exemption, there is an influx of unvaccinated children in homeschooling circles. I would be really interested to hear more from you or others about how you/your homeschooling groups are addressing this.

ETA: I feel like you should say something. Your health is put at risk by people you associate with. I’d have to take a long, hard look at a friendship with someone who doesn’t vaccinate based on personal preference/belief because we’d clearly not be operating on the same wavelength.

Mostly just sympathy to offer you since I don't find we encounter a lot of anti-vaxxers in the day to day, but was reading this article today and found it very interesting: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/23/health/anti-vaccination-movement-us.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_190924?campaign_id=2&instance_id=12570&segment_id=17274&user_id=075c3cece434066bee4e2a60d032e368&regi_id=214826900924

I'm also so sorry that you are dealing with this nonsense. I would also ask if you feel comfortable. Definitely don't risk it.

But I think there's something to be said for starting the conversation not about the family's anti-vaccination choices or the safety of them, but about herd immunity. I would say something along the lines of, "because I (or 'my family' if you are more comfortable with that) am not able to be vaccinated due to immune issues, and getting the flu/measles/etc is very dangerous for a person with immune issues, I need to make sure that I'm not around people who have not been vaccinated because I can't risk getting sick."

I dealt with this with a former coworker. He wasn't a super strong anti-vaxxer, so it was a little different, but he didn't want to get the flu shot because he thought he would be fine if he got sick. And I said that my dad was currently going through cancer treatment, so he wasn't able to get the flu shot, and that it would be extremely dangerous for him to get the flu. So that if this coworker got sick, it was his own business, but the problem was that he can infect people who are immune compromised and don't have a choice about the vaccine. And that resonated with him and made sense, versus me just focusing on how silly it was to not get vaccinated for himself and how safe vaccines are.

@jennlin821: @Chuckles: nicely put. And nicer than I’d be able to put it. I hardly know anyone in real life who has one iota of patience for this selfish garbage, I’m sorry you’re encountering it, @Hypatia: . I do agree with all the pp’s who think it’s important to say why you cannot see them instead of politely making white lie excuses, maybe putting a face to the name of the herd will help chip away at the insanity ?? One hopes..

@Hypatia: ugh. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, especially from your own mom. That is beyond frustrating.

@Hypatia: Love, I absolutely feel for you. I have 4 ADs so I am also immunocompromised. (* note, neither of my children are). I have reached out to a number of individuals who believe inoculations are toxic and "unneeded" and have met debate. I cannot fault them for their viewpoint; however, if it compromises my health and ability to parent and provide for my family, I have to "disagree." Some of the pushback is political and some is because their children have various disorders (* mind you that I taught students with exceptionalities for years and BOTH my DD and DS have ADHD, and I fervently research EVERYTHING ... I DO understand the concerns but cannot compromise. ). I have distanced myself from these individuals, since they are so closed-minded as to keep MY health and wellbeing out of their spectrum of fear. I can not be immunocompromised "just because" we are socially "friendly" and our children like each other. I do understand that I run into a plethora of unvaccinated individuals daily; however, it is my job, as someone who is immunocompromised, to limit my personal exposure. I empathize and sympathize with you and your decisions. My advice (although harsh) is to lose those who cannot empathize or sympathize with your health issues. It is hard and it is limiting but, you will find out who your "true" friends are.
Sending hugs .

P.S. I ALSO homeschool my DD (after a bully seriously harmed her at school ... my plate is full). I do understand the homeschooling community since I [recently] joined it.

First of all, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, and that your friend and mother responded how they did. I have to say, it doesn’t surprise me though. I have had a few discussions with someone in my social circle who doesn’t believe in vaccines and it feels like we’re talking about 2 different things. And then yesterday I heard this TED radio hour segment that made it all make sense: https://www.npr.org/2017/10/17/560190751/robb-willer-how-do-we-bridge-the-political-divide

Basically the guy mentions that when we’re trying to persuade others we use the arguments that are why believe what we do. For example, I believe in the safety and efficacy of vaccines and that herd immunity is important to protect those who are unable to be vaccinated. But if a person is opposed to vaccines those arguments hold no sway, even if you point out that someone they know falls in the category of people relying on herd immunity. Instead we have to find a moral foundation that resonates with them and frame things in those terms. In my friend (and maybe your friend too from the sound of it) she cares a lot about “purity” I’ve been wondering how I can use that in the future, but honestly don’t have a solution yet. And I don’t believe it’s your responsibility to change their minds either. I guess after writing all this I’m not sure my response is helpful at all other than the fact that hearing that segment helped me understand why what I thought were really good arguments were falling on deaf ears. So hopefully it’s helpful to others too.

@LCTBQE: It took me several attempts to put together those coherent neutral tone responses. I had to edit out the f*cking a**hole, ignorant sh*tface, arrogant motherf*cker to name a few.

@Hypatia: I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this hostility and insensitivity from your own mother I hope she comes to her senses.

@Tionn3: these fucking morons, they still aren’t bright enough to piece it together that during inevitable outbreaks, the only people ACTUALLY on fire besides the defenseless will be... their own children. My 12-month old just got her mmr and I was so relieved. I had a couple friends in Williamsburg whose infants got expedited shots at 9 months this year in light of that train wreck
@jennlin821: for real, there are few topics as a parent that enrage me like this one. I’m relieved to see over the years that everyone on hb is correctly aligned on this issue, makes it feel less like a cesspool than other corners of the internet. Also FYI me bee doesn’t edit out swear words anymore since the site was abandoned

@Jennibenni: WHAT??? Is this a home daycare?