Warning: this is long.

So, DH has a younger brother who is, lets just say, less than ambitious. BIL has a serious girlfriend who got off to a rocky start with our family but who I genuinely like now. DH is super frustrated with BIL and feels like he is a mooch off their parents, entitled and ungrateful for their support, and feels he (and his GF) disrespects MIL. That's just a little backstory for the actual point of this post.

My baby shower was this past weekend and since we now live in CA and all of the in-laws live in NYC, I didn't want to make anyone feel bad or obligated to fly across the country just for my shower. I assumed BILs GF wouldn't be able to come but had an invitation sent to her when my FIL mentioned she felt put-out by not getting on. So, the day before the shower I get a text from her saying "just got the invite, if I would've known sooner, I would've come". Cue me feeling like an a-hole. But in my defense, she was well aware of the shower and I feel like should've been like "I think I can come out!" if she thought she could/wanted to...she didnt need an invitation to be invited!

Then! I get a text from her a day or so later saying "we're praying baby H is born on a weekend because neither of us will be able to come out during the week for a bris" (religious ceremony when circumcision is performed and totally a big deal). BIL doesn't even have a job (reason why the "not ambitious" backstory was relevant)! My immediate reaction was WTF...

Ok, so finally, here is why I feel like a jerk. Sorry. I felt like it was her/them being passive aggressive about "not being invited" to the shower and also about a comment DH made to BIL about getting a job...it really got under my skin and I talked to DH about it. Who talked to his dad about it. Who talked to BIL about it. BIL called me tonight, with his in-tears GF on speakerphone, and confronted me about it all, quoting his dad as saying I said his GF sent a "sarcastic text" (which I didn't say). I totally froze and felt awful she was crying and basically put it all on DH. He definitely was super annoyed about the while thing, but it wasn't just him like I made it seem. Ugh I'm such a pansy.

I told DH how the convo went down and he, understandably, thought it was pretty lame I didn't own up to my feelings but wasn't mad or anything. Now...I'm thinking I should call tomorrow and explain to BIL -- without his hysterical GF on speakerphone -- how I really felt and why I wasn't honest tonight. Or should I just leave it alone? Jerk jerk jerk.