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That's stinky she'd be so rude about it! I think as long as your "going with the flow" lines up with what your provider considers "going with the flow" then you have a great plan! I think she probably just realizes that alot of times that doesn't necessarily happen & then moms feel guilty, ashamed, out of control, or sometimes even forced into things they weren't prepared for. Sounds like she did a horrible job of conveying that or being a supportive birth teacher like she should be though! (maybe you could report her to someone so they're aware of how she's making moms feel).
I came across an article the other day specifically on the "going with the flow" that was pretty decent (I posted a thread about it)... best part of the article & I think what would work for any kind of birth plan was this:
Always ask yourself & your provider BRAN :
Benefits What are the Benefits of this intervention?
Risks What are the Risks of this intervention?
Alternatives Are there any Alternatives to this procedure?
Nothing What would happen if we did nothing? (or do we have to act Now?)The best birth plan is just to ensure that you get a healthy baby & healthy mom AND that mom feels empowered in her birth decisions despite the delivery route! (even has a pro-natural birth mom I'm learning this more & more everyday)
I'd seriously consider reporting her though.. if she's making you feel like this I'm sure there are other moms she's made feel the same, or possibly even worse! boo that!
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Totally uncool. I had a very detailed birth plan. Some people say 'healthy baby and I trust my doctor to get me there'. Both valid. Some people need to step off with their judgement.
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Ugh I'm angry for you. A laid back approach is not a bad thing at all!!!
I also would consider reporting her.
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As someone who got an epidural and was really pleased with my delivery I'm actually a bit offended that she referred to getting pain medication as "the easy way out". Who says that in order for a birth to be a success I have to endure pain that I view as unnecessary? And PS there is nothing "easy" about pushing a human out of your vagina, with or without an epidural.
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Don't let it bother you too much. I remember being on weddingbee and reading birthplans and felt overwhelmed etc. I too had about the same type of plan and I didn't take a paper copy of one into L&D. I remember going over the different type of tools they could use during delivery ie. forceps... the DH and I talked about all the options after class and decided what we did or didn't want. Since he was the one in L&D with me I told him it would be up to him to help me remember what we prefered to use. I also remember that the nurse and doctors came in and asked me a few basic questions of what I'd like to do... but honestly once things got rocking and rolling I was like whatever you need to do to get the baby out healthy for him and me that was all I cared about!
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@runsyellowlites: I love that! And it's exactly what the doctor that delivered DS did - I seriously think she was an angel from heaven just for me, she was amazing.
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Thanks for all the support ladies. Luckily I am confident enough in myself that she didn't really get to me, other than just annoying the crap out of me. Its just not fair to try to make someone feel guilty for how they think!
@runsyellowlites: she actually mentioned this (though the slide showed BRAIN and included and I for "follow your intuition") however she was definitely approaching it from a "be strong and challenge your doctor" angle. I definitely think some women need to feel a sense of empowerment to give them the courage to ask questions (I'm pretty bossy and open so I have no issues with it) but this woman just has terrible delivery.
@MamaMoose: Seriously...who would refer to anything about labor as "easy"? Moron! (and for the record she has had 5 kids - so she does have experience)
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@Mrs D: Sounds like it! I definitely have no problem voicing my opinion or needs BUT I did 100% experience getting railroaded by the obgyn that delivered G. It was horrible & even when I wasn't fighting her she threw down the dead baby card. UGH! I've talked with more moms that had my kind of experience (when things didn't go as planned) than not so I'm sure I'm a bit partial. lol
I do agree that unless there is imminent danger (not being able to wait) that EVERYthing should be questioned, but I don't think asking for info (so you can make an informed choice) is challenging your provider & she shouldn't come from the perspective of such... birth is a really really vulnerable time & it's easy to feel like we were taken advantage of.
Is she with the hospital or is she part of another birth course? I'd report her to a higher up... being a birth teacher is about being supportive, not shaming moms!
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@runsyellowlites: The crazy thing is she is a L&D nurse at the one of the hospitals in town. Thankfully it is not the hospital I am delivering at. The hospital she works at is definitely a more "flexible" hospital and more current with new trends and ideas.
I totally agree that some doctors have way too much of a tendency to railroad patients and use scare tactics. I think thats why people should be much more cautious when choosing a Dr. My doctor shares a very similar mindset to me. She actually told me she generally is the one questioning her patients when they ask for an epi late in labor. She delivered my nephew and talked my sister out of getting one towards the end because she told my sister that after 3 days of back labor, and 3 hours active labor getting to 8cm she was confident that 1) she could do it just fine with a mild narcotic that would not be as restrictive to her recovery and 2) she didnt think it would be in fast enough to provide benefit! I like the idea of a doctor questioning a patient and a patient questioning a doctor - it should be a two way street.
Unfortunately - I am on the flip side of the table from you. I have seen two close friends become two demanding during labor both resulting in terrible labors (because they refused to listen to the professionals - who knows why, maybe stubbornness or maybe lack of trust) and one which resulted in some long term issues for the baby. So I have probably been scared a little more in the other direction.
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I also think our birthplan is perfect
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This might be a dumb question but is there a difference in a birth plan vs birth preferences? I consider my plan to have a baby and for both baby and I to be healthy.
But i have strong preferences... For example: I would prefer to be able to wear my contacts (i'm blind otherwise and hate wearing glasses), I would prefer to be able to move around while laboring, I want them to delay clamping and to do skin to skin. If baby has to go to nicu or nursery i want hubs to go with the baby. If its a tear vs episiotomy i'd prefer they cut me and use a local.
I'm not taking a birthing class and i'm 29 weeks. I feel like a lot of these preferences might be cleared up by me just asking what is and is not standard practice by my care group or the hospital. Should these be discussed at the hospital tour? or at what point do i present these preferences to my doctor? or do i wait until I go in to the hospital and tell the nurses?
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That's annoying! My birth plan never left my bag
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Wow.. just wow.... I see NOTHING wrong with your birth plan.
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For the record, we did not have a birth plan because LO came early and the plan was "healthy baby no matter what." Whatever the doctor suggested, I did. And I have a healthy baby.
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@Chillybear: From my understanding at my hospital these are all normal preferences that are covered in triage when you are admitted. I'm just like you - I have some preferences...but no formal "plan" per se...
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Woah. My birth plan was just like yours and when I got to the hospital? The nurses practically applauded me for being so easy going. I'm sorry you experienced that.
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@Chillybear: I had preferences too (vs a "plan" of x, y, then z). Our hospital had a packet when we pre-registered with a form parents could fill out detailing their preferences and info we wanted our nurses to know. We filled that out and I gave a copy to my midwife around week 36. I took a copy to the hospital and gave it to my nurse, too. They did not discuss it on the tour.
So, I'd ask your Dr if they are familiar with the hospital's standard practices and what their standard practices are. You could also call the information desk at the hospitals labor & delivery wing to see if they have any info for you. I'd talk to your Dr at your next visit.
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