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There will be days when you get nothing accomplished but feeding the baby and yourself. Don't let it get to you - this is only a phase.
Get help if you can. Sometimes just having someone in the house with you to distract a crying baby makes a huge difference.
And it's all going to be OK!
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Its not your fault!
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The dishes & the laundry can wait. Take the time to really soak up those newborn snuggles!
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A time will come when you think "What have I done? Why did I think I could handle being a mom? I want my old life back." And then you will feel incredible guilt thinking that surely no other mom has that thought and you must be a terrible person. But don't worry, we all have that thought, but we all wouldn't trade our babies for anything in the world because it DOES get easier and being a mama is the best gift in the world.
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Don't be afraid to hold that baby and give him lots of snuggles!
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@MamaMoose: Yes! No one warned me how often you think this, and then the guilt for thinking it.
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this too shall pass. things will get better and worse at different times, but whatever it is, it will change.
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Save your money now.
DH and I have a big fancy mortgage, my student loans, and the regular day to day bills, therefore becoming a SAHM isn't feasible. I had to return to work PT when baby was 6 weeks. Totally sucked and I cried and cried.
Would have been nice to trade in the fancy house for an apartment for a year or two so we could live off one income.
For baby #2, I am seriously considering selling the house, and moving into his parents super nice and huge basement, so I can be a SAHM for at least a year.
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You are not a bad mom.
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@Cherrybee: That is what I would say too. It all passes. And every phase has its good and its bad.
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@MamaMoose: I second (third?) this. Absolutely.
Mostly what I tell my new mom friends is that about halfway through our first night home, I was suddenly terrified and worried and regretting the irreversible situation we'd gotten ourselves into but had no idea how to handle. If (when) they have these moments, every single parent in the world understands and will tell you you're doing a fabulous job. Just hang in there until the sun comes up again and everything will feel more doable.
For the first week or so, I had a tough time for the first couple hours after the sun would go down at night and again in the middle of the night knowing everyone else was asleep. Learning it would pass as the sun started to rise really helped me get through.
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Hmmm maybe to start saving money for baby clothes. I have always prided myself in being a thrift store shopper. While I have enough baby clothes to clothe an army, going shopping for new stuff is so much fun. I should have realized I would be going on weekly shopping trips.
One bit of advice that I find not helpful is the "sleep when your baby sleeps." Ya that is great advice, if the baby wasn't so adorable when they sleep and didn't have the most kissble cheeks and eyes and lips and hands. Some nights I get no sleep at all and it is only my fault.
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It gets better!
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After having that baby, there will be a mama lion inside of you released. That baby will change the way you think about everything, and give you courage like you've never known.
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Take LOTS of videos and pictures of that sweet little baby. Sleeping, moving, looking at you, all the small details. It changes SO fast and you miss the adorableness!!
I do not have enough pictures and videos of L for the first few months!
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Don't listen to the internet, don't worry about schedules or what you think you should do or buy! Just take it one day at a time and listen to what your gut and your baby are telling you.
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@jessibear: I had the same situation with really struggling when the sun went down!! It's why I refuse to have another winter baby. I think having the sunset at 4pm really increased my baby blues.
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@jessibear: @MamaMoose: This must be why a PP doula said it would be good for her to be here in the evening, that they get fussier around then?
@anonysquire: I feel like I already have enough but have also tried to account for this just in case! Thank you for mentioning that it really happens!
I love this thread. I need to print it out or something. Please share everything you know, mama bees!
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Just when you think you have your baby figured out, everything changes. So frustrating ....
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@spaniellove: well and it didn help that I had given up on her being a girl and had started only buying boy clothes like at 6 months. So sometimes she wears boy clothes. With a cute matching bow of course
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You're doing a wonderful job!!
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@MamaMoose: this is me right now
All this advice is really helpful coming from this new mom. I've had a really hard week and this is exactly what I needed.
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@MamaMoose: This is my favorite so far
Thank you ladies for all who have shared. I hope that it's ok, but I'm putting together a little book for a friend of things to remember and am going to use lots of these
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love this thread! thanks everyone for sharing!!
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@MamaMoose: @jessibear: I struggled with that too!
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Thank you thank you thank you for this! I'm so nervous - this is great!
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@junebugmama:
it's the one thing I always tell my new mama friends so they know they aren't alone, and they have someone they can call to talk to without judgement when they are going through a rough period.
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Thank you for these
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Don't buy any clothes that have to be pulled over the head. It is 10x harder to get their arms through the arm holes. We pretty much only use his outfits that snap or zip up the front, or kimono-style. So much easier!
Ignore all the pro- and con- pacifier advice and just do what you need to do in order to maximize sleep and peace.
Lactation consultants often have an agenda. Expect breast feeding to be difficult, so you need to decide how important it is to *you* and work at it accordingly.
It's ok if you don't feel an immediate bond with your baby. Lots of people feel this way. It takes time to form a relationship, and that is ok. I personally like my baby a lot more now, at five weeks old. When he was born, he was cute but very overwhelming. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just taking care of someone else's baby! I had a much stronger sense of responsibility to take care of him than anything else. It's a process, and you should feel ok about taking time to let things sink in if necessary, even though that is not our cultural expectation.
Advocate to get the kind of labor/delivery and first few weeks at home that you want. This includes researching care providers and hospitals, making it clear what kinds of interventions are acceptable to you, and also pushing back on family and friends if you want privacy at the hospital and/or when you get home.
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@ElbieKay: thank you so much for this, especially #4. I had a good long cry about this very thing last night, because I was just so overwhelmed and not having any fun. Thanks for the reminder that it's a process, and that I'm learning, too!
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@LovelyPlum: Congratulations! Glad I could help... Feel free to PM me if you want to vent/emote.
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"Babies be babies" and "Your spouse is not the enemy. The baby is the enemy."
Stolen from Cup of Jo: http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2013/06/5-wonderful-motherhood-tips.html
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Let go of your plans and expectations, it will be much easier on you if you just relax and go with the flow.
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The same as @Arden: I love mines and DH's family dearly but it's my baby and I do what I feel is right and follow my instincts and if I need help I'll ask for it. So do a lot of ignoring
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@ElbieKay: I so agree especially about the paci I would have lost my mind if I had waiting the recommended 6 weeks before giving a bottle or paci.
@LovelyPlum: don't worry your still new just try to look at it like this it's only a phase and as baby grow it gets better just breath ask for help if you need it and don't be afraid to let people know need some privacy or mommy baby time. It's much easier without everyone in your ear telling you what and how to do things just follow your mommy instincts
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Listen to yourself!
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Life is different. Not bad, but different. You have a new normal now.
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@Honeygold89: Yes, I had to pump and bottle feed early due to nipple pain. I was worried about nipple confusion. No one told me that plenty of babies don't get confused at all. My son could not care less as long as he gets to eat!
Basically, don't anticipate problems because they probably won't apply to your baby! I was also worried about getting a 3yo to quit his binky, and my son loved his for 2-3 *weeks* and has now virtually lost interest.
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@ElbieKay: yeah Noah the sane way he doesn't care long as he eats. I wish I had some of this advice before but I learned by following my own feelings
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@MoonMoon: yes!
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