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I had a TFMR at 19 weeks and we knew from the anatomy scan at 17 weeks that our baby was a boy. We hadn't started thinking of names yet and we didn't feel comfortable thinking about names after we learned about our baby's diagnosis, so we decided not to name him. We found out the gender after we already suspected that something was wrong.

From what I've seen here and on other boards, this is not common for a late loss, but it's what me and my husband felt most comfortable with. We planted a small bush in our yard in memory of our son and I have a small box of his ultrasound photos.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wonder if maybe you'll feel some clarity about what you'd prefer by simply giving yourself a little time. I absolutely see the validity of both options and I can understand why it's a really hard decision. I had a blighted ovum and it made the grieving process so weird for me because there really wasn't a baby there, we had a gender neutral name that we both love that I contemplated giving it but it ended up not feeling like the right decision for me.

I've had two losses. The first was at 7 weeks and the second at 10 weeks. I found out the gender of the second a few weeks after the D&C (mine was also caused by abnormal replication of all the genetic material) and for me it made sense not to name the baby. I didn't know the gender at the time it occurred and while I had been excited to find out I was pregnant, I had never seen a heartbeat so I was pretty guarded emotionally. You should do what feels right to you.

We didn't know the genders of the twins we lost at 9 weeks. They tried for testing but couldn't get a live sample. We did not name them. For me what helped was something tangible to deal with the grief. This was our second miscarriage in a row, and twins were unexpected and not know until after the first ultrasound where no heartbeats were discovered. I got two feathers on a necklace that I wore for a few months immediately after and would rub the feathers when I felt sad or anyone mentioned twins (surprisingly two other sets of twins were conceived in our office at the same time, only one made it to birth).

I really regret not getting a copy of the ultrasound pictures. The ultrasound tech wouldn't tell us anything and had my midwife call me and break the news. I wish I had pushed for a way to have seen them.

@periwinklebee: I've had some earlier losses and it didn't cross my mind to name them, but it depends on each person and what will help them heal.
I just saw that you got a necklace and that's what I did. I have rings with the loss dates and having something tangible to look at helps me a lot.

Interestingly, I "named" my first loss which was a CP, got a necklace, and wrote her a letter (I felt that it was a girl.)

My second one was a loss at nearly 12 weeks. It was a blighted ovum so I didn't name it. It was so weird because I was pregnant, but not with a baby (the fetal tissue was absorbed by the gestational sac at a very early cell division stage.) That loss was by far the hardest because I felt like I lost something, a picture in my mind of a 12 week baby that was never really there. We were in Hawaii at one point and I remember thinking that this was the first time my baby had been to the ocean....but I didn't know that there wasn't really a baby there anymore.

I am not saying this about anyone else who has a BO. I just really didn't know how to process it and still kind of don't (2.5 years later.)

As hard as it was, I'm so grateful to God for putting me in the exact place I needed to be to have my son.

@Cole: I know exactly what you mean.

I lost a baby at 24 weeks and I didnt even think to name her until the hospital asked me for paperwork.

She had a nickname that we referred to her as, so we named her that.

We had a loss at 10 weeks. We had the fetus tested and found out later on it was a boy. At the time we got the results, I wasn't ready to find out the gender, but it was important to me to name the baby. Dh and I chose a unisex name, but I had a feeling it was a boy, so we went with the masculine spelling. My intuition proved correct. For me, it felt important to acknowledge his life, no matter how short it was. I had a Christmas ornament made with his name, we framed an ultrasound picture of him, and whenever I finally chose a piece of jewelry that celebrates my children (i.e. birthstone necklace/ring/etc), he will be included.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Do whatever feels right for you and your DH

Our loss was at 7 weeks and we did not know the gender. We named our baby for two reasons: logistics (didn't want to call the baby "it") and and honoring their life/presence. However, this ties into the fact that DH and I believe fetuses are whole people and should be treated as such, so people with other views might not make the same decision because it would feel weird.

@periwinklebee: Thank you. I'm doing ok now. I don't have issues telling her story. Except I can't stay her name so very few people know it.

I also have had a few calls from the hospital which I find really hard to take even though everything is ok.

I hope you are also doing well.

We've only had one miscarriage at around 9 weeks. Since it was our first, they didn't test it. We got a death certificate and just named it baby (our last name).... if I knew the sex, we would have named him or her. I think it was a she....

@periwinklebee: fortunately, I've been quadruply blessed.

I had a first trimester loss, and while we never knew the gender, we named the baby (a gender neutral name). It made the grieving process easier for us.