Hellobee Boards

I try not to let it bother me.

After three losses & two failed cycles, a friend on her first cycle vented to me that TTC was difficult and taking too long.

I'm not sure if I was the right person to vent to, but I did listen to her & offer support!

The "OMG I feel nauseous and I am 1dpo should I test?!?!' stuff bothers me more than frustrated newbies in general.

ETA: we've been TTC for 2 years and I haven't joined a POAS thread in at least a year, maybe more. I have them hidden from my main page for this exact reason.

When in the midst of TTC, it really bothered me when people complained how long it was taking (and it had only been 2 months or something).
HOWEVER - TTC is a difficult process. Whether its been one month or twenty, there is a lot of emotion associated with it, and I wouldn't shut down a friend who was sharing with me. I *might* say something if they were being insensitive, or purposely rude, but I know that the process is difficult for all different people.

Yes, yes, yes! It took us almost 2 years, surgeries and IVF and it was by far the most difficult time of our lives. When anybody complains about it taking too long and it has just been a few months, I have to bite my tongue. It still brings back all the pain. I'm honestly still not over the infertility pain (that's why I keep frequenting the boards and offering support to those going through it!) and even though IVF worked and I have my son, it still hurts thinking about all the physical, emotional and financial pain we went through to have him.

I have an old co-worker who knew what I went through and last year she emailed me to vent about not getting pregnant after just a few months of ttc. I really had to keep it together and looking back I should have just told her I'm not the right one to support her since I can't relate. It was rough.

@redsmarties: I like this! No one chooses their TTC path, whether it be short or long, difficult or not. The best we can do is be empathetic to each other.

Also, for what it is worth, "short" doesn't necessarily mean "easy." I tried not to complain, because it 'only' took 5 cycles for us to Grr a sticky baby. I'd be lying if I said that those 5 months weren't hell, though. It is not as long as some, but it was harder than I ever thought it would be. Just a thought.

So much TTC stuff is the unknown, until you experience it. Before reading a million posts on Hellobee, there were (and, who am I kidding, still are!) tons of things I didn't know. That's what is great about this site, in my opinion--there is so much to learn and yet you can tailor your preferences to fit your journey. I still try to get excited for the newbie TTCers because they're at the beginning of the journey. Who knows how things will end up for them, you know? (Re-reading this, I want to add a caveat--I know to many, I'm still a newbie myself! We're at 4 cycles but 9 months because of a long and drawn out loss.)

For me, SO MUCH of what I have learned from HB is about sensitivity and appropriate-ness when it comes to TTC conversations. I try not to be hurt/frustrated/bothered by things I read on here, especially from people in different situations, because the point is for it to be a forum!

In person, though, I don't know how I'd handle someone complaining about TTC. I haven't had anyone IRL complaining about TTC since we started. I think it would depend on a lot of different factors than the ones here.

I just want to say to the bees that are struggling for longer but still show support for us newbies, thank you! @septca: I know you always hang around the boards offering advice & support!

We haven't been trying ages, just long enough to be worried. The only thing that gets me is the 'we forgot to use protection and now three days later I feel nauseous.... Am I KU?!' questions. Thank fully we don't have many of those round here. Also the separate BFP announcements from people who haven't been on here or trying long. When @pui: announced in a separate thread, it made me so happy and I loved reading all the congrats because it was so hard won ad a lovely story. With sow others I just think why don't you just join your due dae thread! I know it's not very nice but unfortunately it's true.

@Mrs. Polish:

@CupQuakeWalk: don't frowny face, sweetie. You'll get wrinkles.

@CupQuakeWalk: Hahah, that last comment made me LOL!

I think it's impossible to know what every single person's situation is and then determine if it's complaining or not. There's just so much that goes into the process, whether it be age, health issues, stress, etc.

We were all naive at one point, weren't we?

It's more the uninformed people that annoy me more than anything. But I think everyone's journey is different and what may seem like a breeze to one person was really difficult for someone else. Both times I've tried to get pregnant I was able to do so on the first time, and total it only took me three months to get a sticky baby. But I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. In all honestly I think I would have much rather just had it take six months than have to deal with the pain and worry associated with a miscarriage. Others may say the exact opposite.

@Raindrop: intimidating? in what way(s)?

@mfa_lady: Thanks! Yes, the whole infertility process made me super aware as well as to how I speak to women about ttc, how many kids they plan on having, etc. I never realized before our experience that so many women have infertility issues and now I know to keep my mouth shut much of the time when it comes to this topic in real life. I love reading all the stories on the infertility thread and offering my advice, support, etc. because I just hope all women there will get their BFP's soon and I know how devastating it is each month it doesn't happen.