I was talking to my friend the other day and she's been TTC for 2 years. She told me that it drives her crazy when people who have not been trying for long, or who have a child complain about TTC. I'm only in my 7 month so I try not to complain but I definitely have my sad days which I vent to the 6+ month group. But I personally would never vent to someone who was long term TTC. Would it bother you?
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I try not to let it bother me.
After three losses & two failed cycles, a friend on her first cycle vented to me that TTC was difficult and taking too long.
I'm not sure if I was the right person to vent to, but I did listen to her & offer support!
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Yes and no. On one hand, it's tough to hear people complaining about 2-3 months of TTC when you are in the trenches. Especially when they seem to know *nothing* about how to TTC. But at the same time, I remember being so naive and eager once upon a time, so I get how it goes at the beginning. I am in a tough position to judge because now that we are TTC #2 I have gotten a little down about how "long" it is taking, even though it has not been long at all... I know that has to do with my own mental scars and my fears about my health, but it makes it hard for me to complain about newbies.
What does bother me - and I totally recognize that this is about *me*, not them - is when people with like 2 posts join the POAS thread and then immediately get a BFP. I'm happy for them of course, but the green-eyed monster really comes out. It's not very nice, but it's honest...
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@septca: That drives me nuts. After I join the POAS thread I always wonder why I joined because it kills me. The worst is when people just pop and in post a BFP after never posting on the thread. Ugh, annoying.
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Yes, because some of the comments seem to completely lack empathy/perspective. It bothers me even more when people talk about feeling stressed out about their age when they're only in their late 20's/early 30's.
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@MsLipGloss: Totally agree.
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I don't classify myself as having struggled trying to conceive, it took us 6/7 cycles/months. But it did bother me on months 5 and 6 seeing people complain about not getting KU their first month. My last cycle I ended up not joining the POAS thread. I was starting to get bitter.
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@Littlebit: I keep telling myself not to join the POAS board but I'm a moth to the flame.. can't.stay.away
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I'll admit it. Yes, it drove me crazy. It took over five years for us to finally have a successful pregnancy so when someone gripes that TTC is so difficult after a few months, I kinda wanted to smack them. Not nice, but true.
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The "OMG I feel nauseous and I am 1dpo should I test?!?!' stuff bothers me more than frustrated newbies in general.
ETA: we've been TTC for 2 years and I haven't joined a POAS thread in at least a year, maybe more. I have them hidden from my main page for this exact reason.
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I wonder this. We have only been trying for 9 months now but they have been the most miserable 9 months of my life. I cannot possibly imagine what the ladies who have been going through it for years feel like
I am assuming it's 10x worse, because it is not something that seems to get easier as time goes by, but harder instead:/ *hugs* to all those ladies 
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When in the midst of TTC, it really bothered me when people complained how long it was taking (and it had only been 2 months or something).
HOWEVER - TTC is a difficult process. Whether its been one month or twenty, there is a lot of emotion associated with it, and I wouldn't shut down a friend who was sharing with me. I *might* say something if they were being insensitive, or purposely rude, but I know that the process is difficult for all different people. -
@littlek: and @Littlebit: and @Shutterbug: I am *generally* okay with the POAS thread, although when we were struggling with infertility to TTC DD, I only participated in the 6+ month group because I was SO bitter by months 9+... This time around, I feel like I have a lot of knowledge to share, so I hope that I can give back a bit - kind of like paying it forward for all of the wonderful friends I made when TTC DD and for all of the advice I got along the way. I do *a lot* of eye rolling, though. So many of the symptoms people get all worked up about (at like 6 DPO) aren't even first tri symptoms! But I just roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut.
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Yes, yes, yes! It took us almost 2 years, surgeries and IVF and it was by far the most difficult time of our lives. When anybody complains about it taking too long and it has just been a few months, I have to bite my tongue. It still brings back all the pain. I'm honestly still not over the infertility pain (that's why I keep frequenting the boards and offering support to those going through it!) and even though IVF worked and I have my son, it still hurts thinking about all the physical, emotional and financial pain we went through to have him.
I have an old co-worker who knew what I went through and last year she emailed me to vent about not getting pregnant after just a few months of ttc. I really had to keep it together and looking back I should have just told her I'm not the right one to support her since I can't relate. It was rough.
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It bugs me a bit... but more so I want to pat them on the back and say they don't have it too bad and should cheer up. Trying for 2-4 months is normal and chances are they'll have their BFP sooner rather than later. Especially since in most cases they have normal cycles and are ovulating and everything. They just have no reason to be so worried!
Also sometimes they are just so naive. Like they obviously expected it would only take 1 month and think they can feel pregnant like 2 hours after sex lol. It is definitely frustrating.
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@redsmarties: I like this! No one chooses their TTC path, whether it be short or long, difficult or not. The best we can do is be empathetic to each other.
Also, for what it is worth, "short" doesn't necessarily mean "easy." I tried not to complain, because it 'only' took 5 cycles for us to Grr a sticky baby. I'd be lying if I said that those 5 months weren't hell, though. It is not as long as some, but it was harder than I ever thought it would be. Just a thought.
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@septca: Agree... I really try not to symptom spot for this reason.
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@LovelyPlum: In my mind, I consider short to be 1 - 3 months. I think dealing with M/C is a whole other ballgame.
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@pui: The being pregnant right after having sex makes me LOL. Eventhough, it would be awesome if you could know that quickly.
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So much TTC stuff is the unknown, until you experience it. Before reading a million posts on Hellobee, there were (and, who am I kidding, still are!) tons of things I didn't know. That's what is great about this site, in my opinion--there is so much to learn and yet you can tailor your preferences to fit your journey. I still try to get excited for the newbie TTCers because they're at the beginning of the journey. Who knows how things will end up for them, you know? (Re-reading this, I want to add a caveat--I know to many, I'm still a newbie myself! We're at 4 cycles but 9 months because of a long and drawn out loss.)
For me, SO MUCH of what I have learned from HB is about sensitivity and appropriate-ness when it comes to TTC conversations. I try not to be hurt/frustrated/bothered by things I read on here, especially from people in different situations, because the point is for it to be a forum!
In person, though, I don't know how I'd handle someone complaining about TTC. I haven't had anyone IRL complaining about TTC since we started. I think it would depend on a lot of different factors than the ones here.
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@Jenn23: This is the kind of stuff that I am now HYPER aware of, especially in real life! Our loss has made me think completely differently about how I talk about babies/pregnancy/family planning--because even though I know better than to do what your coworker did, I would never want to get anywhere close in the instance that someone was going through something I wasn't aware of. Hugs to you, and thank you for being here to support HBers!
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I just want to say to the bees that are struggling for longer but still show support for us newbies, thank you!
@septca: I know you always hang around the boards offering advice & support!
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This used to bother me, but now I think back to his I felt and realize that I was also just as upset at that point as they are.
@CupQuakeWalk: I can't speak for everyone, but in my case and a friend of mine (me 4 years, her 25+) the hurt changes and you start to accept reality. It's a different kind of hurt, but I wouldn't really say its 10x worse.
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We haven't been trying ages, just long enough to be worried. The only thing that gets me is the 'we forgot to use protection and now three days later I feel nauseous.... Am I KU?!' questions. Thank fully we don't have many of those round here. Also the separate BFP announcements from people who haven't been on here or trying long. When @pui: announced in a separate thread, it made me so happy and I loved reading all the congrats because it was so hard won ad a lovely story. With sow others I just think why don't you just join your due dae thread! I know it's not very nice but unfortunately it's true.
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@Snowdrop: Agree. I was thrilled to see @pui announcement
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@Mrs. Polish:
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Eek, this was me!! I found TTC super stressful right from day 1. I HATED it.
Sorry everyone, I didn't realise I was really annoying (someone should have told me - lol)!!
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@CupQuakeWalk: don't frowny face, sweetie. You'll get wrinkles.
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@Mrs. Polish: *stretches face out creepily*
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@CupQuakeWalk: Hahah, that last comment made me LOL!
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I think there's a difference between complaining that it is taking too long at 2-ish months, and complaining that it's hard. It's hard EVERY month you don't get pregnant, no matter where you are in the process, but there is a different level of pain when it gets past a certain time frame. Someone who is 2-3 months into it shouldn't be saying that it's taking too long (in my opinion), but they can be talking about how hard it is to wait for a BFP and then not get one.
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I think it's impossible to know what every single person's situation is and then determine if it's complaining or not. There's just so much that goes into the process, whether it be age, health issues, stress, etc.
We were all naive at one point, weren't we?
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@looch: amen.
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It's more the uninformed people that annoy me more than anything. But I think everyone's journey is different and what may seem like a breeze to one person was really difficult for someone else. Both times I've tried to get pregnant I was able to do so on the first time, and total it only took me three months to get a sticky baby. But I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. In all honestly I think I would have much rather just had it take six months than have to deal with the pain and worry associated with a miscarriage. Others may say the exact opposite.
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@looch: such true words.
I didn't read the whole thread and not sure if someone mentioned this.... but hellobee can be a bit intimidating...
So it's hard to tell where someone is in their life or what challenges they might be facing.
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@Raindrop: intimidating? in what way(s)?
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@MsLipGloss: walling you
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@mfa_lady: Thanks! Yes, the whole infertility process made me super aware as well as to how I speak to women about ttc, how many kids they plan on having, etc. I never realized before our experience that so many women have infertility issues and now I know to keep my mouth shut much of the time when it comes to this topic in real life. I love reading all the stories on the infertility thread and offering my advice, support, etc. because I just hope all women there will get their BFP's soon and I know how devastating it is each month it doesn't happen.
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I agree that HB has definitely made me more aware of infertility struggles. Any comments will be limited to the POAS board, and i do certainly hope that any sadness with a BFN doesn't come off as trivial or annoying.
@Snowdrop: I agree with your sentiments.
@LovelyPlum: It didn't take us long either, but going through a m/c and then waiting it out is a horrible experience.
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@Freckles: I think there is a difference between sadness because of a BFN and complaining. But I think in my neighbors situation she is saying that people sought her out and compared their process to hers.
I am assuming it's 10x worse, because it is not something that seems to get easier as time goes by, but harder instead:/ *hugs* to all those ladies 
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