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I feel exactly the same way. Exactly. I have no extra cash for myself at the moment.

Do you guys have a budget so that you allocate funds to clothing or personal/fun items? That way it wouldn't be weird buying a pair of shoes or treating yourself once in a while? What was it like before you guys had LO - was everything in a joint account or separate? If i became a SAHM (we talk about it once in a while), we would see the money as ours, not his.

After we got married and i moved to DH's city, i was unemployed for a few months. Even though we acknowledged that it was our money, it felt weird buying things for myself. So i get it, except the difference is you have a job - taking care of LO!

(Sorry, i realize you were only asking SAHMs so i hope you don't mind my chiming in)

When I graduated from college I was a SAHW for six months. We were traveling a ton and then buying a house so it was a crazy time and I wasn't actively looking for a job. DH and I set up our budget so that we each had personal spending money. It wasn't much, but helped me not feel guilty for making any purchases.

When I was a SAHM., I did not have any other sources of income, but I kind of put myself on a self imposed spending hiatus. I didn't have to do it, but I basically stopped buying things out of want. My husband wasn't as restrictive as I was, he felt I should buy things on occasion.

We view our money as our money. We do our budget together and decide what we spend on everything together. There is no guilt whatsoever and it never even crossed my mind to feel guilty about that. We both contribute economically to the household. It doesn't matter whether I am paid for my work or not.

That said I do work part time (3 hours a week) in the gym nursery and I tutor one hour a week. That money goes into the budget just like the rest of our money, but I don't feel any differently having that money coming in than I did when we didnt.

@coopsmama: I'm not currently a SAHM, but I was for most of the past year and expect that I will be again in the next year or two. TBH, I didn't feel this, but I definitely heard other moms express this.
For us, it's all our money and so neither of us make an extravagent purchase without going through the other one first, but if I saw a top in Target that I could use, I bought it without guilt. SAHM's work as hard, if not harder than those who WOH so you are entitled to treat yourself in the same way as if you were making $$ - within your own budget of course!

I view our money as our money--I make no extra income, but have no problem spending our money on myself when it is warrented (and sometimes when it is not ). I am more likely to feel guilty buying a pair of shoes or new clothes because as a SAHM, I feel like I don't really NEED nice clothes--LO doesn't care if I wear yoga pants and t shirts all day long.

I'm not a SAHM, but I've thought about it and this would be really hard for me. My husband is extremely frugal and would think it's so weird for anyone to spend more than $20 on a haircut or more than $30 on a pair of pants or shirt or bag or really anything that isn't an electronic. Ever. He also doesn't understand buying any of the trendy toys/clothes for LO. And I agree with those principals, but sometimes I like to splurge whereas he is okay going like, 2 years without a splurge. So I foresee that we would have difficulties in this area.

I think the setting-aside-a-set amount each month method for discretionary spending is a good idea.

I don't earn any extra income. I do buy myself things, but I also am fairly cheap to start with. I really see it as our money. Our life is following his career path making it hard for me to establish my own, so I really don't feel much guilt in not contributing financially at the moment.

@BandDmommy: he grew up in a developing country so he's definitely not used to some of the typical American female "necessities". So right now, we just use our own paychecks to pay for agreed-upon things and then with the rest we do whatever we (each, separately) want. =) He would probably die if I spend $400 on my hair.

I actually don't spend much on myself, but I like being able to if I want.

@Mrs. Lion: I think the compromising and mutual agreeing would be the hard part in my case! haha. We have very different spending habits. I consider myself fairly frugal, but next to DH I am like, a crazy spender. He's good though, because he balances out my spending impulsiveness and he's very good at accumulating wealth.

@BandDmommy: my husband doesn't want to spend $ for LOs first haircut when he can just do it with clippers at home. Um. No, my baby girl is not going to have him going at her head with electric clippers.

@Anagram: that would be a big fat NO in my book too.

We're still TTC,, but I've thought about SAH for a few years and relying on his income. I wouldn't feel guilty though because I bought a ton of money into the relationship when we met/got married and paid the down payment on our house. We also have similar frugal ways so there'd be nothing to be guilty about.

Maybe it's just me but I have no problem viewing DH's income as our money and spending it as our money.

Maybe it's bc i was older when I met my husband and got married so I had been working for several years, had my own condo (that he moved into and that we lived in before buying a house) and had my own savings account. We merged everything and collectively with our resources we were able to buy a house, buy our things and make the decision for me to be a SAHM.

I treat his income just like I would my money - I don't waste it but I buy myself clothes, get a haircuts, get pedicures every once in awhile, go out for meals and drinks with friends, buy gifts, etc. I was not wasteful with my paycheck and I'm not wasteful with DH's paycheck. I think there is a period of adjustment for sure becoming a SAHM and not bringing in a paycheck but I treat being a SAHM like a job and definitely feel like I make sacrifices and contributions toward our family that are valuable....so I don't feel guilty or weird treating DH's paycheck as our money

@coopsmama: it is so weird. DH always tells me to buy stuff I want but I just cant. Like its almost a physical issue, I just cannot do it.

I feel the same way, dh is always trying to tell me it is our money but for some reason I cannot bring myself to even buy shampoo or conditioner without checking with him first lol... it drives him batty!

When I was a SAHM, I initially felt a little guilty about spending money on myself but I got over it because my husband pointed out that I was still contributing to the household--just in a different way. I totally agree with @sandy:, I thought carefully about my purchases regardless of where the money was coming from.