Hellobee Boards

Oh no! I remember your past posts about your awesome MIL.

I haven't cut out my parents but I've been tempted a few times because I think I am too old to deal with their negativity and issues. We stop talking for 2-3 weeks but we always seem to apologize and move on...so far.

I'm so sorry

DH's parents have not been present in our LO's lives. They only call us when they want something (money usually). They never call or ask how LO's are doing when we see them and they don't make any effort to know them. Eventually, they started forgetting birthdays and by the time DS was 4, it started to hurt him. I couldn't allow that anymore. LO's are only close with my parents and call DH's parents "dad's parents" rather than grandpa/grandma. We don't have regrets...but its sad. I would love my LO's to have another set of caring grandparents. But unfortunately, that's not the case.

I have cut out my SOs parents. They are absolutely non supportive of our relationship despite us having children together. They put in NO effort to visit with the kids unless I take them to their house. They are pot heads so that doesn't happen.

I haven't had to yet, but if I did, I'd do it without hesitation or regrets. I've cut family members out of my life and it's such a relieving thing!

We are actually in the process of navigating this right now. It's kind of tricky for us because, thus far, my MIL has been really good with LO. However, we fear for his physical and emotional safety in the future.

My MIL is bipolar, has a personality disorder, and has an anxiety disorder but refuses medication. She made life a living hell growing up for my husband and his sisters. She is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and has points of physical abuse (she threw a maglight at my husband's head, for example). For whatever reason, she really dislikes me and my family and I am often the brunt of her verbal and emotional abuse (usually unprovoked and completely out of nowhere). I've put up with it for years because I know that she is sick but I finally reached my breaking point several months ago. I hate how DH's family sweeps it under the rug and allows her not only to continue, but to get worse in her illness.

I finally put my foot down and explained to DH that I refuse to let LO be subjected to her abuse. Even if she hasn't done anything directly to him *yet* it still isn't healthy for him to see grandma bashing mommy and calling her every name in the book. Besides, who is to say that she won't eventually make Brady the target of her rage? It's just not a risk I am willing to take.

Neither of us want her out of B's life forever. We just want her to be healthy first. We essentially explained that we need proof that she is consistantly seeing a doctor/therapist before we will allow any supervised visits with Brady. If she ever wants the opportunity to watch Brady unsupervised then she needs to get medicated. No exceptions.

DH's parents are not taking this well at all. The unfortunate thing is that my FIL is an amazing man and grandpa and he decided that he would rather remove himself from our lives than deal with the backlash from his wife. They've tried name calling (we are emotional blackmailers), they've tried sending religious emails (we are agnostic/atheist), they've tried setting up family meetings in which they want to explain why we should do things their way, pretty much everything than actually seeking help for her.

So, here we are. It sucks because it is hard on my husband but my son's safety is my first priority and I refuse to let anyone in his life that is toxic.

We moved for DHs job this year and had the same sort of backlash towards us. I have to remind myself she's doing it because she's hurt, though it's not very nice or rational. We've had rough patches before and the dissipate. I wouldnt ever cut a grandparent out for something like that though.

@luckypenny: I am so sorry. Big hugs!

We've talked about this multiple times over the past few years, but DH wavers (it's from his side). I struggle immensely with this because I KNOW in my heart what is right, but I also can't force him to make a choice.

Growing up, I should have been sheltered from one set of my grandparents and was not. While I don't hold resentment over it and have long ago dealt with that, I don't want to have to subject my children to anything similar.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

@luckypenny: yeah that makes more sense. It's been sad this year to see. We always made the effort to visit them but dh has an insane schedule this year so we really can't very often. Its been frustrating to see her put roadblocks up to visiting just to I guess prove herself right about us relocating prevents her from seeing her grandchildren. But we'll be here when she's done self punishing and can accept the situation.