If you've decided not to do Santa...

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If you've decided not to do Santa...

By mamimami Nov 15, 2013

Help me understand the practicalities! Last year when my son was just-turned-two, we just sort of avoided the topic and he didn't really get it anyway.

Now that he's about to be three and goes to preschool, he's started bringing up Santa quite a bit. I have not said much, like I asked him who Santa was and he told me he was a man who skis LOL, and I have also told him that he gets his presents from mama, papa and his grandmothers (like, trying to sound all positive and enthusiastic) but I know I will keep hearing about Santa.

I don't think he's at an age yet where he can understand many abstract concepts so talking about the metaphor of Santa isn't really going to cut it... and blurting out "HE'S NOT REAL" is likely to have negative repercussions with the preschool set, so....

How do you actually DO this?

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25 comments

lamariniere
pineapple / 12566 posts

Nov 15, 2013

Subscribing! We are in the same boat, my DS is also almost 3 and we are not doing Santa. At preschool here they celebrate St. Nicholas day, but I don't really know what that entails. I think I'm just going to wait and see if he brings it up and then try to come up with a nice/gentle explanation.
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Nov 15, 2013

Does he think Santa brings presents?

My son is about the same age and so far we haven't brought him to sit on Santa's lap or any of that, which I think helps the situation. He also goes to a Catholic preschool, so they don't talk too much about Santa.
Rubies
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts

Nov 15, 2013

My daughter is 2 and DH and I decided not to do Santa. They were out shopping and DD saw a Santa figure on display and asked, "What's that?" and DH responded, "His name is Santa." He explained to me that he would teach DD about the character of Santa as one would describe who Elmo or Dora are. As characters who do things. How he'll get around explaining that Santa isn't actually the one to bring presents is beyond me, though.
Mamaof2
squash / 13208 posts

Nov 15, 2013

That is a hard one. Maybe explain to him that its just pretend and some families like to pretend that a big guy named Santa comes to their house and gives them presents - but here in our house mommy and daddy just give them to you.
mamimami
grapefruit / 4120 posts

Nov 15, 2013

Thanks ladies.... @looch: that is why I am sort of trying to feel him out... like, what are his expectations of Santa? I think he does think he brings gifts although he hasn't articulated that.

@lamariniere: That brings up a good point... maybe I should print out some info on St. Nicholas and when he asks about Santa, I can tell him he was this dude who lived a long time ago and WAS actually a real person?

@Rubies: This seems like a good approach although at this point I am not sure if my kid might think Dora is a real person, too. LOL.
mamimami
grapefruit / 4120 posts

Nov 15, 2013

@Mamaof2: pretend is a good word!! I think it's a concept that's more understandable at that age than existence/embodiment etc.
LovelyPlum
eggplant / 11408 posts

Nov 15, 2013

DH and I were talking about this last night, actually. Growing up, we were exposed to Santa, but we didn't focus on it. Santa was more an idea, and as soon as you were old enough to figure out that it was someone bringing you presents to make your holiday special, you then did that for others. To me, Santa is more the spirit of giving at Christmas, so I hope to continue that with our kids in some way.

How the logistics of this works I have no idea, though.
Anagram
eggplant / 11716 posts

Nov 15, 2013

@mamimami: So when was growing up, we never believed Santa was the one who brought our presents at Christmas, but my parents managed to do a good job, I think. Instead of telling us he wasn't real (surely something I would have blurted out to every other kid I knew), my mom just focused on the original story of St. Nicolas/Sinterklaas and told us about poor children getting things they need, etc. So I never thought he wasn't real, per say...just that the way we celebrate it now is as a way to remember the original St. Nick.

But also, my parents were super religious and the majority of our Christmas celebration was celebrating the birth of Jesus (even though my dad would always point out that Jesus was not born in December. lol).

Since my husband is Hindu, I'm not sure how we'll do it. We still do a tree and gifts...I just don't want my LO to think the gifts actually come from a guy that flies around in a sleigh once a year.

Hopefully someone else has good ideas!
Mrs. Jacks
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts

Nov 15, 2013

I don't know. My three year old already is a non believer "mama and dada are Santa", so I have a skeptic problem!
sarac
pomelo / 5093 posts

Nov 15, 2013

I would never push santa, but if my daughter asks, I'll just be vague about it. Same as any other character - I'll explain what it is and then drop it, for the most part. But if she gets into it, I won't spoil that for her - I'd go along with it to a certain extent.
regberadaisy
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

Nov 15, 2013

I'm still on the fence.

But for the love of god please teach your children to be quiet amongst other kids! When my niece was 6 she asked me if Santa was real. And I asked why she would ask me that. She said one of her friends told her. I adamantly said don't listen to your friend, he is real!

It was so sad because her face was so sad.

I don't even know how she became a believer because my brother & SIL are not the type to push Santa. But she did and I wanted her to retain her Santa innocence!
808love
pomelo / 5866 posts

Nov 16, 2013

@mamimami: a guy who skis
We aren't bringing up a discussion about Santa and our gifts are from us. We have taken pics with Santa, just like we do with a Disneyland character. For us, if needed I would mention- he's pretend and perhaps bring up St. Nick story. I definitely don't want to go through the whole thing about-don't say that to other kids- because I believe it encourages secret keeping.
Personally, I believed in Santa and my parent's fib waaay too long. It was sad to find out long after I defended him (and them) to others. I don't want LO believing in Santa but I won't go out of my way to make it a discussion unless she's curious.
mamimami
grapefruit / 4120 posts

Nov 16, 2013

@808love: Yeah, it's tough worrying about other kids. On the one hand, I don't want to ruin their fun. On the other hand, as I remember someone saying on another Santa thread, why is it my responsibility to uphold this myth for someone else's kids?? I'm not sure where I stand. I don't want to be a killjoy but we each have to parent our kids how we see fit.
Boheme
papaya / 10473 posts

Nov 16, 2013

I asked the Santa/no Santa question on Facebook yesterday, and people were at each other's throats! I had no idea it would be controversial.

We don't plan on including Santa.
ILoveLettie
kiwi / 566 posts

Nov 17, 2013

When I was a little kid, starting around 2, my mom read me a children's book about St. Nicholas and told me that's how the "legend of Santa Claus" started--that he was a real man who lived a long time ago and gave people presents, basically (obviously she didn't go deep into it since I was so young), and that anyone can be Santa Clause now by giving presents to others. But she also did warn me that some kids would think Santa was real, so she told me that it would "just be our little secret" that usually the mamas and daddies were the ones "being Santa" by giving gifts. I loved feeling special, like I had this good secret, and she told me other kids would be sad if I blurted it out to them so I never did. I plan to take the same approach with our daughter (though not for a few years since she's not even due til February!).
mamimami
grapefruit / 4120 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@ILoveLettie: wow, sounds like that worked out totally perfectly!!!
Katrocap
persimmon / 1230 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@mamimami: I'm so glad you started this thread. It's so nice to know that DH and I aren't alone in not wanting to do Santa. Also, I agree with you that I don't want to be a party pooper, but it's not my job to play along with other kids' impressions of Santa. I teach elementary school and students often ask me if Santa is real. For them I say, "what do you think?" and usually we can leave it at that.

@rubies: Good idea that Santa is a character. Kinda like he's the mascot of Christmas.

@ilovelettie: I love the idea of the truth about Santa being a secret between you and your mom. And the idea that anyone can be Santa.
Freckles
honeydew / 7444 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@locavore_mama: can you really teach your kids to be quiet about that though? It is like telling your kids not to tell others there is no god (if that's how you feel). I will probably tell them that people believe in different things, and to be respectful if they believe in Santa. I will tell them Santa is part of a christmas story, and nothing more. I think kids can still enjoy Christmas and Santa without having to believe in him.
mrsbookworm
pear / 1823 posts

Nov 17, 2013

For those that are not doing Santa, would you be willing to share why? DH and I celebrate the holidays in a secular way since we are not religious. We have not even talked about whether or not we will do Santa, but LO is only 6 months old so we have a free pass this year...
mamimami
grapefruit / 4120 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@mrsbookworm: I can't say I'm all rah rah anti-Santa... I do have my doubts sometimes so obviously I have no problem with other people doing it but I have a few different reasons personally:
1. I am religious and although I am pro-gift giving, I would like to keep the focus on Christ as much as possible.
2. I am into giving gifts but I want to keep things as simple as possible. My Christmases as a kid were kind of excessive orgies of presents and I don't want that. I know it's possible to go simple AND have Santa but I think it's a little harder. When you know where your presents are coming from (real humans) it's easier to keep your feet on the ground.
3. I found out about Santa at a fairly early age and it was intensely disappointing for me.
4. I don't think it's a dangerous lie but I do want to be totally honest with my kids
5. I don't know how to explain why some kids get jack squat on Christmas and it's not because they're naughty. I want them to know about need.
mrsbookworm
pear / 1823 posts

Nov 17, 2013

Thanks @mamimami - you bring up some interesting points.
swedishfish
GOLD / coconut / 8266 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@mrsbookworm: yes, I'm curious too. I've only ever on HB that people don't do Santa. IRL everyone does that I know!
regberadaisy
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@Freckles: I honestly don't know.
My old neighbor doesn't do Santa but she said she teaches her child not to talk about it in school. And his teachers know they don't do Santa.
All I know is the incredibly sad face of a preschooler with the thought of Santa not being real when she was just starting to believe. I know because of that if we chose to not do Santa I will be adamant about teaching our children not to kill the fun for others. Not sure how!
regberadaisy
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

Nov 17, 2013

@mamimami: #5
Boheme
papaya / 10473 posts

Nov 17, 2013

My reasons are all the same as @mamimami: , especially number 5. I also intensely dislike traditions that come with an expectation of 'stuff'.

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