I am so beyond sick of having to fight people about what MY daughter eats. We don't want her to have sweets right now, or anything overly processed, greasy etc. Well we were at my family reunion Saturday and she was sitting on my cousins lap (she is 20). Well my cousin was eating a cookie and Ava kind of grabbed at it. I said "no no A, no cookies for you yet". Well she finished the cookie, and I thought I was in the clear. Well a few minutes later she was eating another and my cousin says "you want a piece A"? I said "no, no cookies for babies" in a really nice tone. Well she effing gave her a piece and said "cousins are allowed to give cookies"....I was just in shock I didn't even say anything. I knew if I blew it up I would have no one on my side except DH. Everyone else thinks I need to lighten up. Maybe I do need to lighten up? I feel like I should just give up 
I'm bummed too that I wasn't the one who got to give her her first sweet treat, which was supposed to be her birthday cake. Maybe I'm just being pregnant and hormonal. Vent over.
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That would irritate me and you have good reason to be annoyed!
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The question isn't if you need to lighten up. Doesn't matter. What matters and what I have issues with, too, is when people don't listen to you as the parent of the child. Whenever I'm in the presence of my MIL, whatever I say or feel goes out the window because she doesn't listen to anything I say. It's so infuriating.
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You are not over reacting! Missing her first sweet treat? That is a huge bummer. I'm sorry.
I have no advise. I finally revised my food rules down to just no fake sugar and no caffeine, because no one was taking me seriously and I wasn't going to start a family feud over it.
At home we do mostly fresh, unsweetened foods, so I am hoping that she will still develop a healthy palate despite the crap people give her away from home. -
You have every right to be upset!!! I don't think I would have been able to keep my cool! I would've snatched the baby away and said "I said NO cookies for baby! If you can't respect my wishes, you can't hold her!" But I'm a bitch so...
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I'm sorry, that would bother me too. We don't give E sweets and his bday cake was going up be the first but I walked in on DH's Gram feeding E a chocolate chip cookie...his second, apparently!
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I have "lightened up" quite a bit with my second child, but I'd still be upset, especially since you clearly stated A shouldn't be having cookies and your cousin outright disrespected your wishes and even said something like that to you. I wouldn't let the kids sit with anyone else during food times if this continues. Seriously, they have a whole lifetime to stuff your kids full of sweets (and your kids will be begging for them). Don't be embarassed to be 'over the top' and guard them like crazy now.
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That's really really shitty. You say no, nobody else gets to say, "hey mom, screw you, i'll do it to your kid anyways"
Ugh i rage for you
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It's a rough topic. You, as her parent, have every right in the world to decide what you feel is in her best interest. Unfortunately, other people don't always comply with what we parents think is best or right, and it's tricky to aviod that entirely. I think the thing that makes me the most sad is when you said you wanted to be the first to be able to be the one to share that "first" with her. So not only did she not listen to you, but she did something that could be seen as depriving you of an opportunity. On the other hand, I don't think the cookie was so momentous to your daughter that you still can't share that "first" with her. Would you feel comfortable telling a white lie to some people and say she has an allergy or sensitivity to refined sugar (or something along those lines)? We've done that on occasion with people who have wanted to feed Ellie or Lorelei things that we aren't okay with and who we don't think would respect our wishes if they were just "we don't prefer 'x.'" I understand your frustration.
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I am so sorry! It would have made me angry too . . . Situations like this (situations where people think that their *first time mom* generalizations are valid . . . . *AUGH*) totally suck.
@Rubies: I totally agree! It is all about respecting your parenting decisions. I have put my foot down on several occasions for this very reason, much to the chagrin of others present/involved. It comes down to trust . . . if you go against me, then I can't trust you with my LO, which negatively impacts your ability to see/be around my LO. And that's that.
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Wtf is wrong with people?! I'm sorry
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Yes this would annoy me to no end, and this is my family to a T. I have had my mom and MIL explain to all additional family members that LO can not have anything without my permission due to her diet/allergies. I have stressed the importance of this & with eye rolls so far I believe everyone is complying. I'm not risking an allergic reaction because someone is careless and gives my child something "behind mom's back"
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SO disrespectful and rude! Stick up for yourself. That's not right.
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So annoying! I would have ripped that cookie out of your cousins hand and said, "Perhaps you didn't hear me- I said NO COOKIES FOR BABIES".
I know, so awkward to say something like that when you're in the moment, but you should never feel bad about standing up for yourself and what you feel is right for your kids. -
Thanks for confirming I'm not crazy. I guess what's done is done but it looks like in the future I need to speak up even more, if that's even possible. Still frustrating.
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ugh. i would have taken baby off her. no one else's opinion but yours and your DH's should matter when it comes to YOUR child. i don't understand people sometimes!!
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People are ridiculous. Sorry, mama
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I agree with @blackbird: no one should say "hey mom screw you"
On the other hand, looking back I think once she turned a year old I was able to lighten up more and probably could even more.
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I'm so sorry! I go through this every time there is a family function and it really annoys me. I have lightened up and LO does eat a little cake and sweets but my mil and BIL will try to feed her MORE!!!
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Wow, you are completely justified in your feelings - I'd be livid! YOU are the parent and the choices YOU make for YOUR child need to be respected, whether people agree with them or not! Next time, I'd have no qualms about going over and snatching my child off whoever's lap whilst saying I'd rather she not have X right now. If people don't like it, too damn bad.
We are living far away from our families right now but I know my mom thinks I'm nuts for being the same way. I told my mom that I think we've finally weaned E (at 13.5 months old) and her response was "about time! you should have done that a long time ago!" I don't understand why we cop so much flak for doing something that is good for our children!! It's not like we're making a choice that is depriving them of something essential and it irks me to no end that people are constantly criticizing.
Bottom line is that I am really sorry you had to put up with that and have family members who are so unsupportive of your wishes. Stay strong mama and keep doing what you know is best for your sweet little A.
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definitely rude that she went against you after you explicitly said no sweets. but, i have to say, as a 20yo, she probably thought it was funny and not a big deal. sucks, but i would let it go. older adults wouldn't get the same deal though!
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So sorry
that is so not cool.
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I mean, I think you should maybe lighten up.
But I'm not you. You get to decide how to parent, and the rest of the world needs to get lost. If it matters to you, stand your ground. And forget about the rest of the world.
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Thanks guys, yeah I think it's more so frustrating because I just told her not to but she did it anyway. She is in the military and I respect her 110% I wish she had a little more respect towards me and my parenting wishes. I will lighten up eventually but she's not even one yet.
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I've been pretty adamant about what Lo can and can't have (she's 10 months old) the in-laws are the worst at trying to feed Lo bad things. I've spoken up when they do it in front of me but there were a few occasions that they fed lo things like ice cream, fries and pastry when I'm not in the room/out of sight and I've found out afterwards, I'm trying to keep lo eating healthy as long as possible - especially when it encourages myself to eat better too, there's plenty of time for the treats later on. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, it was super rude.
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