I see a lot of complaints (very valid ones) on the boards about in-laws that over step their boundaries. But does anyone else have in-laws that are MIA? My in-laws are almost so hands off that they do not exist. I don't really mind for myself, but it has bothered me at times -- like when they bring no gifts for DD's bday or Xmas. WTF?
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Eek! Mine aren't quite that hands-off, but enough that we would probably only talk to them once every couple of months if DH didn't call. They love to hear from us, but rarely take the initiative.
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No LOs yet, but my in laws are pretty hands off in general. They're not huge gift giving people either so I wouldn't expect gifts from them except for when the baby is born. My family on the other hand are HUGE gift givers. Hubby knows this as well, and we're fully ready to embrace the overwhelming joy by them when we finally get KU!
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Surprisingly my MIL has been hands-off since LO was born. I thought she would come around more often and offer to help more but she doesn't and only sees LO if either invite her over or go visit. I think she feels like she's imposing if she invites herself over (which is understandable), but I'd like to see a bit more effort!
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FIL is pretty hands off. We haven't told our families that I'm pregnant yet, but I know his mom will be over the moon, and his dad will be like, Oh, that's great. I don't mind it for me, but I mind it for DH.
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@Andrea: Yup, as you know, mine are too. They live far away but that is no excuse for not being a part of her special occasions. Surprisingly, they sent a card after her Baptism with a gift. I was shocked!
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@mediagirl: That is so great that they sent something for her Baptism! And I don't think anyone can use distance as an excuse nowadays. Phone, email, skype, regular mail -- everything is accessible and convenient!
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my in laws are somewhat like this. They enjoy spending time with my LO, but they're social calendar takes presidence.
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@Andrea: they refuse to buy a computer that will allow them to a. watch videos or b. skype. It drives me crazy. Dh sends them info on good computer deals and his Dad is so stubborn that he just refuses to take his son's advice. No skype for them. Grrrrr.
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My inlaws were really hands off the first few months of LOs life, so I hired a babysitter to come one day a week (my family lives far away). All of a sudden they started coming two days a week and spend all of their time here with LO! My family, on the other hand is very hands off. My mom is single and still has my 13 year old sister at home , so as much as she wants to be with LO, she just doesn't have enough time.
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@mediagirl: it even took my parents some time for Skype. They finally got it all set up and it's so great to maintain a visual relationship with DD. I hope your in-laws will get it eventually, too. I doubt mine ever will though.
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My FIL is a little MIA, but it's mainly due to being overseas. The kids get their gifts all at once whenever they see him, maybe once a year. The weird thing about him is that he favors all the granddaughters over the grandsons. The girls are showered with gifts and the boys are almost ignored. It's very strange.
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Mine are somewhat this way. They live four hours away but only visit maybe twice per year and usually for 24 hours or less. DH calls them every few weeks. My MIL will send e-mails once in awhile and we will exchange e-mails. I have to admit that most times I like it, but I do hope that they will visit us here more after the baby is born. I often feel like we have no choice but to visit them if we want to see them for any length of time, and I'm becoming somewhat resentful of that.
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My FIL is MIA and he lives minutes away from us. He just isn't interested in hanging out with LO.
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I haven't had my baby yet but my in-laws are quite interesting int he fact that their youngest child is not even in double digits yet so they are still raising kids. It's hard for them to play grandparent and parent at the same time...but we do see them often and they do buy gifts for bday's and holidays for their other grandchildren.
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@autumnlove: but your MIL seems to be involved with lots of opinions! I guess she makes up for the FIL!
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@Andrea: Yeah! I think that is why they are divorced!
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@autumnlove: OH! Yikes, I didn't know!
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My FIL is very hands-off except he started a college savings account for each of our LO and makes regular contributions to those (Christmas and Birthday). We saw him over Thanksgiving where he met DS for the first time and admitted that he is uneasy with little LOs and I respect him for being honest about it.
MIL was absent for the majority of DH's life (no contact between age 3 and 28), lives in a different state and us hands-off for the most part. When we had DD she bought a couple gifts and sent something for Birthday/Christmas but hasn't done anything since DS' arrival.
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18 comments