So basically it seems like CIO isn't so bad so long as its not for an extended period of time. In my case my LO (and myself) are just not made for CIO. He will scream relentlessly. But it seems for some it can work and its just fine if it only takes a few days. Not for me personally at this point but I feel like this is nice to know for moms who have to CIO a bit to get any sleep.
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Interesting! We haven't started any sleep training yet, so I don't know what will work for us. But this is good to know!
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This sort of seems like common sense to me, but I'm glad there is science to back it up
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Honestly, I felt like CIO was less stressful on her than the overtiredness/lack of sleep she was getting otherwise!
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this is great to read. I'm really over the whole idea that any teeny amount of crying is detrimental to our health. So is lack of sleep! I have always felt this way but the "science" out there was always so...i dunno. "you're flooding your child with dangerous cortisol!" etc
TOTALLY agree with this!
"The language they use is scary and vague—more dogmatic than scientific.""And it’s not just that a short stint of sleep training isn’t harmful—it could actually be beneficial. People tend to underestimate the importance of sleep, but it’s absolutely crucial for healthy development, and longitudinal studies have suggested that sleep-deprived infants often go on to become sleep-deprived children....."
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Interesting article. We did CIO when DD was 4 months old and it worked like a charm, I am 100% a supporter of CIO done right. Of course we made sure that she was napping enough and going to bed early enough/had a proper routine in place before we did CIO.
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Woohoo! I didn't want to do cio, but at 11 months I was a zombie and had no choice. My LO only fussed for 20 mins and that was that. It was not traumatic for either of us and totally changed our lives.
It works for some but not everyone!
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@blackbird: Agree. The long-term effects of poor sleep habits were way more worrisome to me than CIO.
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I've always found the anti-CIO claims to be dubious at best. Most of their arguments centre around the detrimental effects of cortisol flooding the brain. You know what else causes raised cortisol levels? Chronic sleep deprivation. It seems to me that a few nights of raised cortisol are a lesser evil than months or years on end. I'm glad to see science agrees.
While we haven't had to do much in the way of CIO (good sleeper over here), there have been times I've let dd CIO in small doses. I feel fine about this, but I've also educated myself on CIO practices (as, I think, have most others on HB who employ these techniques). What's scary to think about is those who haven't and who just leave babies to cry for hours on end. That's not CIO, that's tantamount to neglect and, I have no doubt, that can cause prolonged issues for those babies. But they are two very different animals.
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My son cried to relieve stress, especially right before he fell asleep when he was little. He'd be all bathed, changed, swaddled, tanked up and cuddled but there he was, crying in my husband's arms. So crying is also a stress reliever. Don't you feel better after a good crying session sometimes?
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@blackbird: @lawbee11: Seriously!
I wish I hadn't read all the guilt inducing crunchy crap while I was pregnant and when DS was teeny tiny. We started extinction last night, and it took a whopping 17 minutes for him to fall asleep and stay asleep for a few hours. Fear of CIO made my life a living hell.
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We hesitated on CIO until it became absolutely necessary at 6 months old. It was a tough couple of nights, but it's changed our lives dramatically. LO CIO'ed at daycare for naps, so he was used to it.
Once we instituted it, he got the message to get himself to sleep on his own at home. As much as we resisted it at first, it was the best thing for our family. He went from a bunch of wakeups with broken sleep to a good night's sleep and a happy dude. Having a few bad CIO nights in exchange for a well rested baby is worth its weight in gold for us. When we have a second LO, I think we'll do it again with less hesitation.
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Wow I really liked that article. It kind of validated my experience with starting out anti-CIO and ending up doing CIO at 16 months.
@grizz: same here... I felt so guilty but it has really turned out to be a good thing for my daughter as well.
Edit to add: I wish there was more available information about choosing the right time for one's baby. I can't imagine it would have been the right thing for MY child at four months, or six months, but by 16 she was absolutely ready and it took mainly within 2 days but with a little crying on days 3 and 4. All babies are different but it would be if info about readiness was a little more widely available...
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What I like about this is that it seems to suggest that there is a middle ground. If after a few days your baby is still hysterical then the time is not right and prior to 6 months old is no good. I still can't handle more than 20 or 30 mins of crying but I am happy to see it can be okay in small doses.
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@MrsMccarthy: Yes! And what I REALLY wanted to applaud on this article is the discussion about what "attachment" really is. I really dislike the term "attachment parenting" because it seems (to me) to imply that parents who don't follow it are not "attached." Really, ALL parents should be "attachment parents." A sling versus a stroller does NOT mean your (general "you") will be more securely attached.
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@blackbird: @lawbee11: +1.... In the long run it was better for R, DH, me, and our marriage.
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@grizz: woww!!!! So glad to hear it's going well mama!!!!
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@grizz: Yay! So glad it's going well. I hope it continues to improve
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Big thumbs up on this article. BIG thumbs up.
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@grizz: I am so glad your LO is sleeping!!!!
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@heartonastring: the unfortunate thing is that there are parents out there who will put LO to bed and not go back till morning.
One of the popular bloggers I regularly read recently commented that she sleep-trained her four month old by putting her to bed (fed and dry) and not going back till morning. In her own words she admitted that it was "brutal" and I couldn't help but think that the word "brutal" should never be associated with an infant!
@googly-eyes: a slight thread jack, but I prefer the term "gentle" parenting and I hate the way everything has to have a label attached to it. I parent the way that feels natural to me and it just so happens to align with more but not all of the attachment theories and practices.
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@grizz: Yeah for C sleeping! I think the fear of CIO was worse than the actual CIO.
@Kemma: Did she watch her LO in a monitor or make sure that the infant was okay? That sounds crazy to me. We monitored LO during his couple days of CIO. We attempted at 4 months old, but couldn't do it. By 6 months, all of us were ready for it.
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@grizz: I felt similarly for so long. Once we made the decision, which was so hard to make, I realized I'd been pretty close minded about it. Ultimately my kid needed me to make the best choice for her, and the involved some crying.
@heartonastring: This is an important distinction. I get really, really angry about any kind of equating of CIO and child abuse or neglect. I've witnessed child abuse and neglect (victim children, adult survivors, and perpetrators) and it is so, so far from sleep training.
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@Kemma: yes, this was the same with a blogger I read as well. I was really interested in how she sleep trained, I even bought the seminar. I was shocked when it was simply put the baby in the room and come back at 7 am.
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@Kemma: I read the same blog and that post made me boil over with rage. I feel for those children.
@googly-eyes: +1. I partake in a lot of AP-ish things (babywear, bf, believe in gentle parenting/discipline), but there are other AP principles in which we don't participate (cosleeping, for one), but I don't think that makes me any less attached to my child, or that it makes her level of attachment to me any less healthy. Different things work for different families. The high level of respect for that idea is one of the best things about the HB community!
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Love this:
"On the first night, the babies cried, but their cortisol levels did not go up upon being left to cry themselves to sleep. On the third night, none of the babies cried much at all, and their cortisol levels stayed constant. In other words, the sleep training worked." -
@heartonastring: And the two get confused so often - I rarely tell anyone that we did a bit of the Ferber version of CIO, because in their brain people automatically translate that to me just shutting my child in his room and ignoring his needs, letting him scream for hours on end. When in reality it meant he would wail for about a minute, fuss for a couple more...then fall asleep. Compared to the hours of screaming that happened when we tried to help him fall asleep, it was much preferable!
@Silva: I feel exactly the same way. Anyone who compared CIO to child abuse was clearly never actually abused as a child, and that comparison is infuriating and insulting to those who were.
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Love this article!!!
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@heartonastring: I really like the philosophy behind attachment parenting but to me the baby wearing, co-sleeping etc are just the tools of AP because like a pp said, you can do those things and still not be an "attached" parent as such! And yes, I really feel for the children too
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