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@PermaStudent: I do think cliquiness is something every forum has to be careful about... so I think it's fair for someone to bring it up!
I've found that when someone is on the outside of a group of friends, everything can feel like a clique. When in reality, if a group of friends is open to new friends, it's not so bad.
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Come one ladies, let's be honest, there are certainly cliques on this board....when you are part of one, you don't really realize it.
I don't think it's a bad thing though, it's normal and natural that some people are better friends with others.
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@mrbee: cliqueness is one thing, but referring to a large group of adults as having a high school mentality is a little rude, in my opinion. It could have been brought up in a better way.
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I actually don't think so at all! I find everyone here to be super friendly and welcoming, and most of the topics we talk about are ones that I would talk about in "real life". There's two other sites, one that I used to be very active on, that I find way, way worse!
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@Crisark: @Cherrybee: No offense ladies, but I cannot wait to graduate from our gang!!
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I think your DH is def entitled to his perspective... I think men just see our conversations here a little different than us. I have full confidence that if he actually hangs around the forum he would change his mind!
I am still "new" here, so I do see cliques but I don't think it's strange/bad since I can absolutely see how strong bonds can form depending on who you TTC with, are pregnant with, have LOs the same age with. I still think HB is extremely friendly/caring!
I don't think it's "high school" for OP to pose this thread... After all, we just love talking about any and everything around here!
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@mrs. wagon: I agree with this! My HB experience is what I make of it..TTC doesn't involve me right now, so I stay away. I can't bite my tongue in political threads so I stay away. Life is what you make it!
There are without a doubt "cliques" but they aren't mean-girl style cliques, they're just obvious groups of friends..which happen to be the main posters. Of course those people post more so they get to know people more, but it's in no way a bad thing!
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@Cherrybee: Wait, my baby still gets up at 4 a.m. Can I still sit with you?! Summer '13 non sleepers for life!
And this is yet another thread where I'm like "Yeah, everything Silva said". She's much more eloquent than me
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I kind of hang out on the outskirts because we aren't TTC yet and we don't have kids, but I don't consider Hellobee like highschool at all. If high school was like this, I would have very different memories
Of course some people are close and know each other well, but I've never felt excluded.
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@grizz: Yeah, sure, you're in! Although 4am for you is 10am for me!
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I don't think it's high school. I think there are certain people who have more in common with other people and form friendships with those people.
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@lawbee11: I take ZERO offense to that lol
Cause I came from a 10hr straight sleeper to 4 wake ups and ending up in my bed or she screams sleeper....I'd be cool with the first option again lol -
Did you get your popcorn ready for you and your DH when you posted this thread? Sorry, but threads like this seem like nothing but completely high school. Any message board is what you make it, you feel there are cliques or it feels like hs? Then it does. If you come on and off the board for the reason you joined it (assuming for information sharing, learning about ttc, and parenting), then it fits that role and nothing else. Starting stuff like this just wastes space in my opinion, sorry for being rude, but it just seems pointless, and I suppose I am fuelling it for even responding.
And sorry....you show your DH the board, does he read every topic you have ever started? Oye.
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I don't think it's high school. I think we've made closer friendships with different members on the site and I don't think that's a bad thing. Sure, I'm not as close to other members, but do I take that personally? Nope!
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@Beebug: ditto, i love you girl
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@blackbird: word
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@blackbird: hahahahahahahaha so true!
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Omg I must be so dense because I haven't seen any cliques at all.
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@blackbird: LOL...yep, pretty much!
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I wish my high school was like this forum!
I see a lot more 'love' (ya know, as much as you can show to strangers on the internet...) shown here than I saw from so-called friends in high school.
I actually enjoy coming to this site, whereas I HATED every day of high school.
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@sunny: I don't either. I see some people who know more about each other and are friendlier with each other, but they either post a ton or have other outside connections!
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If you want it to be, it will be. You make it what you want it.
When I find myself getting cranky over here, it is usually because I need to reevaluate what I am doing and take a break. Like the days before I went into labor, I needed a break from here, everyone else was going into labor before me and it sucked.
I have never had a more sportive group of people to be surrounded by and am lucky to interact with so many perspectives. Ultimately we are all rooting for babies and drama only hurts the hive cohesiveness.
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I agree that some posters are clearly better friends with one another, but that's natural I think...I mean, that's how it works in real life, you get along better with some people that others.
But I don't think it's clique-y in the sense that people are excluded. I lurked forever and then randomly started posting recently without any introduction (hi everyone!) and people have been friendly and responsive to posts.....
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@Beebug: That last sentence of yours.... thanks for saying what all of the rest of us were thinking.
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And can I please just say, on the other side, that HB has been an immense source of support during this whole baptism by fire that has been my first year of motherhood. All my friends in real life are omgsoblessed with babies who STTN from a month old, and they're all SAHMs. I really love the different perspectives offered here, the support, and the commiseration. I never would have survived having a baby who didn't sleep. at all. ever. if I didn't have someone here to tell me it would be ok
If someone isn't happy here, or thinks its like high school, cool. Then leave. Take a break. No one makes anyone else read or post here every day. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how this thread is helpful. I've never really seen drama here either.
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@MamaMoose: @Beebug: applause applause
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@Beebug:
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@Cherrybee: @Lawbee11: Another momma here that's part of the baby does not STTN gang. C slept "well" for about a week a couple weeks ago and I was all giddy like omg! I think I'll put him back in his crib again, then the following week - TRICK YOU MOMMA! Ain't happenin. *facepalm* lol
I don't feel like HB is cliquey at all despite the TTC and due date threads. Even though one participates in them, they may or may not be closer to a particular bee from that thread. The threads are created more to just support one and another for those who are experiencing similar things at the same time because there will be people that can totally relate, and for those that don't, they're not frowned upon. Do some of us get jealous that other's LO is STTN? Sure bc who doesn't want a baby that STTN from the get go and doesn't need to be sleep trained?? But do we wish ill things on them or hate on them? No! We're happy for them because thank goodness someone is getting some rest!
For instance, C is terrible nighttime sleeper since birth despite sleep training because he's been sick every dang month. This momma is struggling. BUT C is a great, smiley/happy baby and awesome traveler. You take the positives and focus on that. As the mantra says, "the hard parts too shall pass".
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Can we keep this thread focused on the original question and please keep it civil?
And if there are any "cool" kids on Hellobee, I'm not aware of them!
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@Mrs. Bee: Agree. I think everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but no need to be rude.
Cliquey, yes. Does it bother me? No.
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@Cherrybee: M thinks every night is a dance party. We hold all night raves and then sleep most of the day when I need to get things done. But, he's new, so I haven't had the heart to inform him of social norms, yet.
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However you may perceive HB, you and you DH are entitled to your opinions.
I do not feel that HB is "cliquey" at all. The topics posted and discussed are with fellow moms that are in the same trenches with one another. If you don't have that topic in common or disagree with the topic, then you might feel as if an "outsider". But that isn't what HB is all about. I feel HB is meant to be a support group for all moms and on all different issues. You just pick and choose what issue is pertinent to you and your life and go with it.
I have great respect for my fellow Bees, because of the support I've received. HB is supremely helpful and nice in comparison to other sites I've been on.
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@Honeydew: well said!
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@MrsMccarthy: which topics seem high schoolish, and what gets to you?
I think there are cliques here, and I've felt on the fringe before. I have always preferred smaller groups though, so it's not a surprise I feel that way at times!
This reminds me of junebugmama's post about HB being for a certain type of person--same points and reactions.
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HB has been an immense source of support and friendship for me too. But that doesn't mean there not a flip side and that's okay to me. My husband would easily call and does sometimes call himself high school as well. And there are a good mix of threads. Some are really deep and some are more silly like this one. No reason to roll your eyes or become defensive about it. For me high school isn't even that bad although I would never want to go back. And some other forums are too mean or random out of the gate to ever be compared with high school or any group experience. Anyway it's very interesting to read the responses here. Please dont be offended. Thanks for playing along!
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It's like my high school experience in that it's almost all girls (all girls Catholic girl here). Beyond that, not at all. I never really had the clique experience in high school. If there's something that irks me, I ignore it on here. Stuff like that really doesn't bother me or rile up my day. I think that there's other things to worry about than a high school mentality on an Internet forum.
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Again I'm not worried about it just curious. And in a playful way. Not meant to trivialize anyone on here. I think it's a mix and there are a lot of very deep meaningful threads on here and people who really help each other with serious grief or ups and downs. I post some of my most personal and important life challenges on here. I wouldn't do that if I didn't value HB.
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@Beebug:
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Oh and can I say I think the beebug comment was rude and those of you giving it so much love are kind of ganging up on me. I didn't ask how you feel about this thread I asked if you think HB can be highschool and frankly I think the personal attacks being put on me regarding the thread itself and how i post are showing the less civilized and respectful side of HB. This was meant to be playful and I was hoping it would stay light. I really enjoyed those who shared their feelings on the topic without feeling the need to dig at me personally. Thank you.
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@MrsMccarthy: To be fair, you have personally started some pretty drama-tastic threads . . . so perhaps what you're experiencing is a self-fulfilling prophecy?
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