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@MrsMccarthy: I think Hellobee is what you make it. As someone who has been around from the beginning, I've seen people make friends and yes, they seem to respond to their friends posts more often than other posts. That's just a normal circle of life, in my opinion. If your husband wants to call it High School, I can see his side of things. My husband doesn't "get" why I want to be on here but he likes that I made friends through it.
I think if you *want* to see a cliquey side of things you will. If you look at it as a place where women (because let's be realistic here, other than mrbee, there aren't many (any?) regular posters who are men) come to share their experiences and ask for advice. I could see how an outsider who only gets bits and pieces from his wife could say that.
I think everyone's relationship with a site like this goes in different directions. Some people find it's a fun place to talk about things they find interesting in life. Others find it a good place to cheer on their friends. Others use it for advice and to help others. You just decide what you want it to be and that's what it will be!
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I find HB to be one of the most friendly forums I've visited. Not much drama to be seen, even when controversial topics are broached. I don't feel particularly excluded by cliques. I do find some people are more familiar with each other and I don't find it problematic or intentionally malice.
I guess it's similar to high school for me in that I'm a minority population but I didn't come here expecting any different.
Eta: I also don't find the policing/babysitting that some forums require. Mr Bee and Mrs Bee seem to let people work out their own differences or disagreements, which makes how little drama occurs especially impressive,
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@Happygal: well what seems highschoolish to me is when someone gets off topic to gang up on others , when people decide to throw someone's old posts in their face if they post something new and separate. And some of the sillier stuff we post on here like this thread and the celebrity threads or food or what would you do scenarios. To be honest I don't even think its all bad and I don't think it's all encompassing but there is a side of it that I admit I felt rang true for me. I went to a pretty respectful high school though. Maybe I was lucky and maybe this doesn't mean the same to everyone. Oh and doesn't mean I don't love HB and I do want to acknowledge the enriching parts to. As a stay at home parent I don't have time to socialize sometimes or really get a feel for what's out there in parenting and HB has been a priceless resource.
@Beebug: the question was meant to be general and safe. To me your comment was less helpful than the thread. It was off topic and personal. But I do value a lot of what you post on here.
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@mediagirl: I can see that! I think it's kind of a mixed bag personally.
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Yes, I find myself relating HB to high school often...and not my personal high school experience, but the typical high school environment portrayed in shows and movies.
And I don't think I *want* to see the cliquey-ness...it's not something I would choose to experience (not that it really bothers me). It's a lot easier to say something like that when you feel like you're in the in-crowd.
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I do think that sometimes the need for an ability to post anonymously stems more from expecting a beat down from the usual suspects than a fear someone IRL will see it. That's just me. But I also force myself not to hold back because usually I learn something and to me that's worth any backlash.
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@MrsMccarthy: I guess I think it's funny that your DH said that--from hanging out with my DH and his friends, they talk about PLENTY of silly stuff, like testing each other to see who can remember the most sports stats (?) or talking ad nauseum about the new Madden game. I guess I just don't consider that high school ish--more that it's light small talk/chat that people engage in to pass time/when they find people who have similar hobbies/interests.
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I don't really ever see the cliquey-ness and get confused when it comes up. Or maybe @Looch: is right and it's because I can't see it because I'm in one? For the life of me I'm not sure which one I'm in though. To me a clique by definition is exclusionary, and I don't really see that on this site. I see brand new posters jump and in their comments are just as welcomed as people with thousands of posts.
I do think threads like this are what's HS though, sorry. Gotta call a spade a spade.
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@MsLipGloss: I'm pretty fearless and I never said I wasn't in the fray! Of course I am! And it doesn't even bother me that i might be. I am curious and so I post. My intentions are never to start a riot. But a lot of the same people come on and give me a hard time for it. Which to me is a little high school but I'm okay with that too.
@Fronkinzankinsbride: I agree! I do love the freedom we have on here and I would never trade that for a more benign experience.
@hilsy85: yeah he can be high school too! Just the other day he was calling himself and our friend high school because they were making fun of people on his friends tinder account. It wasn't meant as a slam and I don't think he gets the deeper side of things from just one browse one day. He is also happy that I have this community and I talk about it a lot.
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@ShootingStar: totally! They are! But I don't think this is the only one by a long shot! I see them every day. And that's okay.
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@Madison43: I think it's also because some have been around longer. I think when HB was in beta, the group was a lot smaller so i'm sure that group became quite close. Also, it was a lot easier to become familiar/friendlier with other bees when HB wasn't as big as it is now.
I don't think you ever escape high school. People are drawn to other bees with similar views. But seriously, even if there is a "cool group" on HB...it's the cool group on the internet. *eye roll* Like others say, your experience on HB is what you make of it. The nice thing is that when you get annoyed, you can avoid/shut it off for a while. Couldn't really do that in high school.
@MrsMccarthy: It's the good/bad you get when you (not you specifically, but in general) post/reply a lot. Some people just remember and i think it's human to bring up things that were previously said. Being on a forum, people sometimes forget that others remember what you've posted in the past.
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I don't think I'm on here enough to notice that! But I do like it more than other mom forums
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@Freckles: totally! And I accept that. I'd still love a anonymous option here and there though. I think it keeps people more focused on the issue at hand.
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@dreamocracy: this is far and away the friendliest forum I know of. Sometimes it doesn't represent every group as diversely as I'd like so I have to float around other sites but in general is my go to parenting site. My absolute favorite!
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@Freckles: Haha...i totally agree. When I get super annoyed I just 'X the box.' So much easier and satisfying than real high school!
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@photojane: Ha!
Yeah, I think it can be cliquey but it doesn't bother me. I feel like I have a pretty full life outside of online relationships and that whatever I have on here is just kind of "extra", you know? I just try and keep it light and enjoy myself. Life is too short for drama - and that goes even more so for online drama
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@photojane: Hahaha!!
I stay away from the drama side completely. I don't even open Controversial threads. If someone says something I don't agree with I just move on. HB has taught me to accept all opinions and choices because there's no right/wrong way to parent or live your life. If someone is being a bitch for one reason or another I just ignore it. I just don't care honestly.
I'm just here for friendship and to give/receive support! I haven't made very many friends because I don't get overly involved, but I've made a few! I really like it here. I can tell HB what I can't tell real life friends.
I don't see the cliqui-ness either...just a lot of people that are closer than others. I could just be overlooking it though.
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@Crisark: +1 to your original comment! (Haven't gotten through this whole thread...) and you have given some good advice so thanks!
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I agree that HB is definitely what you make it. Sometimes I post a lot, and sometimes I just lurk, but that doesn't mean I like one Bee more than another--it's usually a matter of laziness or I'm BFing in the middle of the night and to type on my phone seems like too much work at the time.
I definitely think some guys might have a hard time understanding what this community is all about, but it's a wonderful place where you can talk about silly, serious, and everything in between.
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@meredithNYC: I don't mind it either!
@Danizaur: I usually avoid commenting on certain types of threads as well but I have posted threads that were unbeknownst to me a but controversial. I'm okay with that though.
I wouldn't be on here so often if I didn't find it valuable and enjoyable. I'm not a drama person but I am outspoken and honest. I know it comes with the turf but a lot of people make assumptions about me or where i am coming from that are so untrue. But that's their right and I know myself well enough not to worry about it.
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@photojane: HAHAHA
@googly-eyes: Thank you dear!!! -
@Mrs. J: I totally get you on the laziness! Sometimes I feel a bit guilty that I didn't respond to someone or that I might seem like I don't care when I do but its not like we all don't have busy lives going on outside of here too.
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@Cherrybee: @grizz: my summer '13 baby woke up 4-5 times last night... can I be homecoming queen or something??
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I think HB is pretty tame, but I took a step back for a while because I got tired of people feeling the need to "call someone out." I think if you disagree with a thread or someone, you can just move on to another one!
For what it's worth, my husband lurks on sports boards a lot and says they are pretty drama-filled.
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@jedeve: my husband actually told me he thinks his bike forums are way worse because they posture a lot more than they actually help. Here we get a true sisterhood! And sisters do fight. The closer they are the more they fight. When I get around my sister I become way more immature!
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@MoonMoon: homecoming queen has way more time for herself than you do. ASB president? ( instead of associated student body it could be Associated Sleepless Baby)! I hope you see better nights ahead!
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@MrsMccarthy: Hahaha, thank you! You're right, that would be the saddest homecoming possible, lol.
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I think it's high school only in the fact that the social aspect is, yet again, distracting me from studying.
I guess I don't really notice the cliques, just people who are friendlier with each other. Then again, I don't really comment on most things because... ... ... Okay because I'm lazy and usually on my phone, which is a pain in the ass.
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@Silva: Word.
I must be a real loser, because I have never felt like HB is cliquey. Sure, there are people who are closer friends, or people who have things in common like TTC or what have you. I find HB to a very welcoming & friendly group of women (and a few men!) who are more intelligent & mature than most of what you find online. I honestly don't see what could even constitute the "high school" description. Mature adults can & do have small talk, or engage in conversations about controversial matters, or get into disagreements...
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I have only been on HB for a month and when I started, I did feel like it was kind of clique-y. I don't see it as "high school," maybe its the term that other Bees are having trouble with. I don't think it's immature, but clique-y? Maybe at times, but I also have to recognize that many women are here have shared their biggest loses and triumphs here...before they even told anyone else.
Due to that, I think people might become more protective and, perhaps, a little more hesitant because they don't share the same history with a newcomer.
I have definitely felt the warmth of the Bees on here, mostly when I had my CP. No one told me to "get over it" or it was only a four week pregnancy or assumed that I was foolish in my excitement.
I feel blessed by that. Anyway, this is long-winded (of course
) but I think that online forums have their tendencies but this one is special. -
Does anyone care to call out the alleged cliques? I'm dying to know.
@Freckles: Bahahahah re: "cool group on the internet." But seriously. how can anyone identify on online clique? Its not like we can see a bunch of girls snickering together in the cool corner of the lunch room atrium.
If people don't respond to a question I posted, I just assume its because my question was so lame and dumb. Usually they are. Whatevs.....
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@Silva: as I posted my husband has actually been very good about accusing himself and his forums of the same or worse. That said I don't think he can understand from a quick browse alone how diverse and deep and personal many topics can be. And how smart and thoughtful we all are. I think there are aspects but I'm not so sure that's not true of life in general.
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I definitely think some women are closer than others, and some definitely have stronger opinions than others.
I think it makes a great community to have so much diversity. I feel like this is probably the nicest place on the internet (besides one cat video I watched once), but that doesn't mean people don't get on each others nerves from time to time. If would be pretty unrealistic if we were all happy and friends all the time.
But that is just life, not high school.....
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I feel like I need to find myself a clique! I am definitely not one of the cool kids
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@PermaStudent: I'll be your clique. Lol.
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@.twist.: hahaha "besides one cat video I watched once". You're awesome.
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@.twist.: I laughed so hard at your cat video comment. Thank you. You are truly awesome.
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@MrsMcD: That's when i say, "womp womp" and then hide into my internet corner.
) but I think that online forums have their tendencies but this one is special. 
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