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@Mrs. Oatmeal: My mom used to be the personal assistant for her pastor, and he was very strict about them not being alone. If one needed to work early/late, the other either couldn't or they made sure other people were too. I just assumed that was standard practice for pastors. Though this was a church that's VERY big into purity culture, so I know that's a factor.

@Mrs. Oatmeal: our church had the same rule for those of us volunteering with the youth. We had a large church in an urban area and unfortunately, accusations had been made before, so the rule was made to protect both the teens and the volunteers. So I get what you're saying.

We don't have this rule but honestly we barely have time for one on one time with friends of any sex right now! And ya know what, they do what they have to!

I decided to go and actually read their blog. Sounds like they were more concerned about gossip/rumors and "the appearance of evil" than that someone would actually do something inappropriate. I think that's a pretty sad way to live your life to make your choices based on what others might think/say about your relationship.

@Mrs. Oatmeal: I grew up being taught the same rule because my Dad was a high school principal of a small private school. My dad was always very careful to never be alone with moms or female students away from specific school events (like a parent teacher meeting for example). It was about protecting my dad rather than any lack of trust.

I had to make peace with DH hanging out with females from the start, because he's a pilot and often times has had an entire female crew, and it's not like he can lock himself into his room all weekend. And he's responsible for his own actions and no rules I put down can prevent someone deciding to do something.

@yoursilverlining: Yup. Nothing left to say.

Building trust requires trust, not rules. Cheating is against the rules of our marriage so why would I expect not being alone with someone of the opposite sex to stop it? I trust my husband to respect me and our marriage and he expects the same of me, no additional rules required.

We would never have a rule like this, it's just seems so unnecessary. It's important to me that I trust my husband would never intentionally do anything that would hurt my feelings, betray me, or otherwise act disrespectfully, and vice versa.

We recently had a situation where dh had to go out of town suddenly (fil was in the hospital/almost died), and logistically we need to have 2 adults in our home at night--we live in a high-rise apartment building with a toddler and 2 dogs, so someone needs to stay in with the baby while someone else takes the dogs out before bed. Before even asking me, dh asked his bff--a dude--to stay with me that night since my bff couldn't. I felt awkward about it, but it was totally fine--we spent the evening talking about his girl problems, fil's health, and watching baseball, lol. And it was dh's idea. So, that might horrify some people who follow these kinds of rules, but it worked for us. The only part of the night I kept secret from dh was the friend giving me ideas for a present for dh

Also, dh has asked my (girl) friends to attend events with him when I couldn't go. big fat whatever from me!

@nana87: you two must genuinely like each other's friends. That is not the case in my house, but it's great you all do.

We don't have rules like this, it wouldn't even occur to me. I can understand a grown man not feeling like it's appropriate to be alone with a teen girl, but to not be alone with adult friends is bizarre. And what kind of people care about these things or think something suspect is going on?? And to have to ask your husband's permission to be alone with someone sounds pretty misogynistic. I'm not interested in a relationship where this feels necessary.

@Truth Bombs: that's how you got pregnant, isn't it? Isn't it?!?!

@Tanjowen: I see it all the time where guys I fly with aren't allowed to go to dinner with their crews or even talk to women outside of business. It's ridiculous when I can't even speak while they're on the phone for fear of arousing suspicion. I wanna tell these gfs/wives that I have zero interest in seducing their not even hot husband. Seems like a miserable way to live, all this controlling by one spouse and "white lying" to appease the other. Like you said, at the end of the day if someone is going to cheat they will cheat regardless of what their profession is or how tightly their wives try to reign them in. I see that all the time too!

we have no rules But i think out of respect, neither of us for example, would plan a solo dinner, drinks and movie night with a friend of the opposite sex on a saturday night.

Or if DH was out of town, i probably would not choose that night to have a male friend come spend the evening at our house. I'd be more inclined to do a group thing or a girls night.

I don't even understand why this would ever be an issue. If you trust your spouse, why would you have a problem with them being alone with someone of the opposite sex? That's just plain weird.

Personally, setting rules like this would indicate a big lack of trust and respect for each other in our marriage

My husband and I talked about this after I read this past and we chuckled. As a conservative Christian I can see where some of the basis is, especially in the idea to avoid the appearance of evil and acting in such a way that would not be a stumbling block for others, but we also agree that there are times when you are going to be around others and that is okay. For instance, I was on a week long business trip with a male coworker. It was cheaper for the company to rent a 2 bedroom suite for us to stay in and DH was gone with that.

While I wad gone, he spent 2-3 hours a few evenings with our next door neighbor. She had 2 kids who A could play with while DH could sit on the couch and talk about something that wasn't work or princess relayed. Instead of being worried, I was relieved he got a break.

@Mrs. Oatmeal: exact, same, thing. We have the rule too to protect ourselves (him mostly).There has been a few times when we've had to reschedule individuals coming over for prayer/etc b/c I knew I'd be upstairs putting DD to bed so we're not even comfortable with the fact that I won't be physically sitting there with them.

We have completely 100% trust in each other, but given DH's profession we have to be very careful b/c we've seen bad things happen in the past!

@snowjewelz: I can understand that with acquaintances, especially depending on your profession.
Do you still have the same rule with close friends who have stood the test of time and relatives?

Definitely no rules like that here...

That said - if I was going to hang out with a male who DH had not met I would probably give a quick background on how I know him and what we were doing - and probably end with " you ok with that?" - which he would be.

I have two friends from college - who have both attempted to date me at one point or another - who DH does not like when I see...so its usually only in group settings. Perfectly reasonable since there is "history" there.

Not the same...but DH did comment this summer that he was uncomfortable being home alone with a "Mommys Helper" next door neighbor girl. We are new in the sub (1.5 years) and he just felt he didnt want to create the situation with a 14 year old girl. At first I thought it was odd - but then I realized it is probably best...

@snowjewelz: that's the part that got me was they were close friends of theirs. To me it'd be like inviting friends over and telling them you put your valuables in the safe so they weren't tempted to steal them. I mean I lock my doors at night bc I don't trust everybody in the world but I'm not going to treat my friends like thieves and tell them I don't trust their self restraint.

@Tanjowen: I think I missed that your husband is a pilot! My dad was a pilot for AA and was super conservative Christian, so I really think he mostly stayed alone in his room after maybe grabbing food in a group situation. He was also the cheapest person alive and never drank a drop of alcohol and was against places like bars, so going out to dinners and things are not up his alley. Instead he became obsessive about working out in hotel gyms and he took up a new musical instrument every few years and perfected it on all those nights (violin, then guitar, then banjo, then mandolin--crazy).

But I never though about what it would be like to have a spouse gone that much with different crews all the time. What's it like?