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I don't think it's racist to have a preference.

I've also never had a preference. DH is white, I'm Korean. He's the first white guy I dated seriously. I've dated guys of all different backgrounds including Korean. I have more in common with DH, and also the highest compatibility than guys of my own race.

Maybe this is a really ignorant question… but aren't American vs. Caribbean vs. African black all the same race? Just different cultures? Like a American vs. Russian vs. German white are the same race but also different cultures?

Racist to me means you think you know something about a whole race of people. I guess it is similar to say you don't want to date anyone from a specific culture because they all ______. But when it comes to who you choose to be in a relationship with (vs just how you treat people in general) I don't know if it is necessarily a bad thing. I'm sure not EVERY black African guy would've been a bad fit for you but if you found that culturally most didn't fit your values or whatever it seems like it saves time to stick to what you know works better when looking for a mate.

Hmmm... my understanding is that racism is the systematic oppression of a group of people based on race. So, no. Having a preference for dating a particular culture is not racism. Not to mention that you aren't even talking race here, you are talking about culture, right? I preferred to date American men rather than any other culture because we had more common ground. Even though I met and was attracted to men from all areas of the world, I found the deepest connection with my husband, who is also American. It doesn't mean I think less of any one of a different culture. I just didn't have that kind of connection with them...

When I was young, I famously refused to "promise" my mom that I would never marry an African American. I felt like you can't dictate who you fall in love with, but I agree with @MsLipGloss: about similar backgrounds. Is it racist to "prefer" someone who has also completed higher education?

What are we discussing? Ethnicity? Or Race?

Is preferring a man over a woman sexist, then?

@Espion: No because education is not a racial thing...?

@blackbird: I don't really think that's an equal comparison. Sexual preference is biological, whereas I don't think we're biologically hard wired to prefer a certain race or culture.

I guess I personally would never say I wouldn't ever be attracted to a person of _____ race. That is kinda prejudice. However, being attracted to a certain person by itself isn't racist/discriminatory/whatever.

I don't think it's racist, either. It's so rare, in our area, for someone to ask about race or ethnicity, so I'm not sure how I'd address that issue.

One thought: I'm not attracted to ALL white people, or ALL black people ... I'm attracted to MY partner, who happens to be a white man. He could have very-well been a woman, or a black man ... as long as they had his amazing personality, I would have been in love!

@Arden: No you're right it's not. I'm just never really understood how someone can discriminate against someone based on their skin color or where they're from. It seems to me just as pointless to me as discriminating based on education or gender. My mother's family is from Virginia and they are and were incredibly racist. I guess I'm glad I've just been completely disgusted by it all my life.

Nope, I don't think so. I'm half white and half Asian and I had a preference NOT to date Asian men. So if he were right, I would have to be racist against myself then, I guess?

I don't know, this is a complicated subject. To rule out an entire culture or race based on the people you've met from that culture or race seems like some serious generalization is going on. And FWIW, going off of another example above, I also wouldn't rule out dating someone without a college degree, because degrees do not necessarily have anything to do with intelligence level. But obviously we can all date whoever we want, so I guess all of this doesn't really matter in the long run.

@MrsSCB: That's a good point. I don't think it's wrong to say "In my experience, I get along better with men from this particular culture/background/etc."
But to say "I don't like men from this particular culture/background/etc" is a rather broad generalization unless you've literally met every man from that culture!

I'd say it's ethnocentric but not racist.

@mrsscb, not if you're bisexual!

@sunshineandsushi, haha!

@blackbird: as far as I know, bisexuality is still influenced by biology

@MrsKoala: Agreed. @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I was going to come in to say that if he could accuse you of anything, it would be ethnocentrism. I don't think having a preference is a bad thing but it gets into blurry areas when a preference is based on beliefs that have sweeping generalizations about said group, such as "all Jamaican men do xyz" or "all Korean girls bla bla bla" and I still think it's a blurry area even for people who don't date within their own culture. Actually, that one I don't understand the most.