I'm hoping for some insight from the hive on this one, as I'm really unsure of the best approach.

My son (21 months) has always had some degree of separation anxiety and mommy preference. He always clings and often cries at daycare drop off, well over a year in (no other kids in his class still do), but we've at least seen some improvements. But his mama preference at home has been growing by the day for months, and has seemed to reach peak levels.

He must always be in the same room as me (playing with daddy will not do), and if I need to run and pee or something, it seems to lead to genuine freak out that mama's going to disappear. He doesn't want daddy to give him the cracker, or carry him upstairs, or read him the book, etc..Hysteria results if daddy goes to get him from his crib when he wakes up or tries to be too involved in bedtime. And the list goes on and on.

My husband is very good with him - and he'll have great fun with him as long as mama is there and engaged too - but getting a break can feel impossible. Sometimes DH is really, really trying. Other times I feel like it makes me a bit resentful because DH would rather be doing something that I would like to do, but rarely get to do because of DS's preferences, like taking a nap or just getting a brief break. And so it's very convenient for him that DS just wants mama, and he shrugs his shoulders and says "but he's so upset, he only wants mama". And it makes the parental balance worse. We're expecting LO2 in December, and it's hard to see how this state of affairs can mesh well with that either.

In previous posts, people often say that clinginess/parental preference is a phase and you just have to ride it out, as resisting will just make them more hysterical (which seems true). On the other hand, it feels like DS is a little dictator demanding everything must be mama (by giving in, am I conditioning him to be entitled?), it's really exhausting for me, and complicates our efforts at co-parenting, which is ultimately important for my relationship with DH. So I'm not sure what to do - when to just ride with it and hope he outgrows it soon, versus more actively trying to enforce that daddy will do certain things, whether he likes it or not....