We are going to ILs for thanksgiving. And I'm not excited. It's a 10.5 hour drive each way not taking into account stops. We have a 3 year old, 12 month old and I will be 19 weeks pregnant. I like spending the holidays at home now that we have kids. Am I being selfish?
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I also hate road trips
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I mean technically, yes. But I don't buy into the idea that being selfish is always bad. Wanting to do what works best for yourself and your own kids, but may disappoint other people, really isn't such a bad thing in my mind. It's selfish, but I don't see a problem with it.
If you said, I'm never willing to travel to see my inlaws under any circumstances, that would be bad selfish. But to me that's a lot different than saying you don't want to do a full day of driving there and back over a holiday weekend.
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Not selfish, especially considering being 19 weeks pregnant!
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It is selfish, but selfish isn't always bad! We have to be to survive sometimes...
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What @Truth Bombs: said. Yes but not in a bad way!
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We're driving 4 hours to my parents' house and we can't leave until 9pm Christmas Eve because I have to be at church in my town, we have a 2 year old, and I'll be 27 weeks pregnant. Super super dreading it. If you're selfish I'm selfish too, and I'm fine with it.
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@BandDmommy: I like staying home for the holidays too, but this year we're traveling for thanksgiving and Christmas!
Its last minute, but can you guys fly instead? or I would drive through the night to limit stops. My friends with 3 kids under the age of 4 drive up to Michigan/Chicago often and they always drive at night.
Good luck! -
I guess I see it as prioritizing the needs of my nuclear family over extended family. So yeah, selfish, but I guess I'm ok with that. For the first time we are staying home for Christmas instead of driving from one end of Illinois to the other with kids that don't sleep at all away from home. I don't stand up to my IL's very often, so I think they are in shock that I (although DH is behind me 100%) am rocking the boat. MIL is acting like she's grieving a death over not getting to wake up with my children on Christmas Day and give them their presents. I think as a compromise the ILs are going to come over for dinner Christmas night, although MIL is sad because "they're just so happy right when they wake up for the day." My mom is bummed that we won't be driving up to my sister's on Christmas Day, but she respects DH and I as parents and understands that we just want to have a calm, peaceful day with our children on Christmas instead of driving all day.
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@BandDmommy: no! 5 hours to my parents is about my limit. Maybe 8 hours. But over 10 no way!
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@BandDmommy: how long are you staying in between those 10+ hour drives?? That's crazy to me. Even before kids we stopped going to my parents for thanksgiving because the traffic was so bad, the 5 hour drive would take 7 hours or so. And that was just me and DH. Just wasn't worth it for such a short time there.
Plus I think it's nice to be home for the holidays. I'll be 37 weeks exactly on thanksgiving, so we are staying home for both thanksgiving and Christmas. It will be the first time since I still lived at my parents house that I will wake up in my own home for either of those holidays. I'm really looking forward to it.
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Maybe others see it that way but I don't care lol. We aren't seeing my family at all for holidays this year (or probably ever) because I'm done traveling for them. Cannot wait to just relax at home!
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@twodoghouse: I'll never get over how your MIL = my MIL and your mom = my mom. It's uncanny.
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@Foodnerd81: 2 days. Long story but we are not on good terms so limiting trip.
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Not selfish at all, that is a lot of travel...
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Nope! That is a far drive. I wish I could stay home too!
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Absolutely not! My family is 2 hours away and I grumble about traveling there but part of that is because my little guy does not always do well traveling and it makes for a miserable and stressful ride.
I just said to my husband I would love to stay home on Christmas and stay in pj's all day. Although both of our families know on Christmas Eve we stay home and spend time with just our kids.
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@SweetiePie: At least we're not alone with the weirdo MIls!
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I feel your pain! This is selfish but hey we have the right be selfish! This is first time since we got married that we are not going to the ILs for Xmas. They are welcome to visit during that time but they don't want to.
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That is far especially with young kids! I would expect that if we made the trip for Thanksgiving they could make the trip for Christmas.
I think it is selfish for family to expect you to make the trip. -
If I'm remembering correctly, you have some longstanding issues with your MIL-is that right? I can understand why a trip like this would be hard! Maybe you and your husband can discuss a different solution for the future, but I'd say for this year's Thanksgiving you're probably locked in
. Good luck!
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@skipra: they won't come visit us. It seems to be a one way thing.
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@ChiCalGoBee: hahaha, yes!
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Maybe but I don't care lol. There is 0 chance I'd drive 10 hrs for Christmas. Especially with kids. My MIL lives 7-8hrs drive away and we have been there 0 times since LO was born (although we did pay to fly her here to meet LO and she has flown once herself and driven once). Sorrynotsorry but spending all day in the car with a kid sounds awful. That's just a big bag of nope in my book.
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@BandDmommy: all that driving for a short time with people who won't reciprocate? Yeah I wouldn't be making the trip very often. I'm pretty sure the roads are actually two way and it's a lot easier for an older couple with all grown children to make the drive. You'll have to go next week but no way would I do it again for Christmas.
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Oh and with the 5 hour drive to my parents house- we still do go to them way more often than they come here. But not that often and they never give me a guilt trip about it because they recognize that the drive sucks and it's not pleasant, even more so for us with a toddler.
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That sounds awful!!! If I'm driving over 8 hours, there better be a beach vacation waiting on me.
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I think your situation is different because we get along woth our extended families, but we regularly drive 8 hours each way to see DHs family and are about to drive 13 hours each way to see my family. We typically fly to see my family, but we are driving this time to bring back some personal items.
The girls are going to be 2 years and 3.5 Months old. I would be way less willing to travel if I didn't like who I was seeing on the other end!
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@BandDmommy: that's a horribly long drive for such a short trip - not selfish at all!! Normally we drive about the same distance for thanksgiving, but since I'll be almost 33 weeks with twins - not happening this year!!
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I don't think it's selfish. I mean, 2 young kids, halfway through a 3rd pregnancy, a not so great relationship with your MIL AND a 10 hour drive?!?! No. Honestly it sounds hellish and I wouldn't even consider doing it. That said, I personally am not into traditional holidays, so famiky thanksgiving for the sake of tradition is something that is not high on my priority list.
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There is absolutely no chance I would drive 10.5 hours with 2 young kids while being pregnant. Especially if I didn't want to do it. I don't see it as being selfish at all. If they want to see the kids, the can come to you. Is it winter where you are? Are the roads bad? Ugh, I feel for you!
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I think once you agree to do something, you kind of have to put on a nice face and be pleasant. It's one thing to say from the beginning that you don't want to do something, but it is another entirely to say that you agree and then act miserable the entire time.
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10 hours driving with two kids and pregnant? Geez louise.... I would not repeat that!
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What @Truth Bombs: said.
I think technically it's selfish, but it's not bad! We, at most, have a 2 hour drive to see family, and I declared that once Logan was here, we weren't traveling for Christmas anymore. If people want to see our kids, they can come to us!
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@looch: I will be nice. I'm just dreading it. Their idea of fun is sitting around drinking beer/wine so being pregnant, it's not very exciting prospect. Last time they left me with kids and went to bars. I've come up with list of kid friendly activties because I'm not doing that again.
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@BandDmommy: I can understand completely. I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't be nice, but I do think it's important to make a decision that you can live with. I know myself, I would agree and then be miserable the entire time, so it's better not to even go!
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I don't think so! Esp given your history with MIL!
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36 comments