Hellobee Boards

Hang in there, I can absolutely commiserate! It's still tough for me too. I'm out the door heading for work but will try to come back with a few little things that have helped me.

I was in the same boat too, and I was constantly being reminded that it gets better. We all have different struggles and obstacles. It's all a learning process. I think once DS1 turned 2, I entered a comfort zone and grasped the concept of "it gets better." Even the challenge of taking care of a toddler while being pregnant, I felt like I could do it. Now this whole toddler and infant thing -- that's a another story.

@Katrocap: I get it, believe me. There are some mornings when my son listens and he does what we need him to when we need him to. Then there are other mornings when it's just not happening and none of my "tricks" work. It's the nature of the beast, I think!

i'm sorry you're struggling. i agree that as they grow up, the challenges just change. i remember talking to my friend with a LO a couple months older than R and she's like, oh, the parenting actually is starting now! now that her son has a personality and it's less about just eat, sleep, poop.

I am completely on the same page. LO is 9 mo and I still feel like I'm in survival mode. I don't eat enough, never have time to myself, shower twice a week if I'm lucky. I'm a mess!! I certainly don't feel like things have gotten easier as LO gets older. What's hard just changes.

I don't feel like this is whiny at all. You are entitled to your feelings and this is the perfect forum to talk about such things, so I wouldn't ever feel bad about that.

That said, do you think you might actually be depressed? I have no idea about your history and whether this is an on-going or just occasional feeling, etc., but I know that when I've been depressed in the past I looked at seemingly small things (i.e. showering, brushing teeth) as something that I just could not/would not deal with. Everything felt so overwhelming. If you think you could be depressed, definitely talk to someone about it. I hated having to do it with PPD, but things got so much better after I started taking steps to change things.

Good luck on whatever you decide to do! I know a lot of ladies on Hellobee (myself included) can commiserate and there's lots of support here

My daughter is 13m and while things have gotten easier in some aspects, its seems that there is always a whole new set of challenges right around the corner. She still doesn’t sleep through the night, has become really picky with solids (doesn’t want anything to do with a fruit or vegetable right now), is going through a very clingy phase, and our attempt to transition to cows milk and sippy cups is going just TERRIBLY. I’m also a WOHM and find my biggest struggle to be the constant juggling of everything and still having some time for myself to feel halfway normal. So, any tips I have are probably a little off topic. And I don’t any of these are new or unique ideas that you probably haven’t already heard or read on other threads, but the combination of these seem to be what has worked best for me.

• Waking up earlier than I ‘need’ to. I’ve found that even with less sleep, I feel so much better overall when I get up early and can take a shower, put on some makeup, and have a little time to myself in the mornings. For me, I find that just feeling somewhat put-together goes a looooong way.
• Making lists at work and home…LOTS of lists. I’ve been back at work for almost a year and still find that my mind wanders so much more than it used to. I also have some other work circumstances that are making it even harder to stay engaged. I keep a running list in a notebook of everything I need/want to get done just so I don’t forget about it when my mind does drift off. And it’s so satisfying to physically scratch something off the list when I get it done (kinda cheesy, I know).
• Using my commute time and lunches for planning and personal stuff. Little things like writing thank you notes from the holidays, looking up new easy/quick dinner ideas, making shopping lists, scheduling appointments, etc. get done on my lunch. The drive home is about 45 minutes, so I’ll usually catch up with my mom on the phone or use the time to mentally plan our dinners for the week, our errands for the weekend, etc. I try to keep the evenings as open as possible to hang out with my daughter and for me-time after she goes to bed.
• Using a cleaning service. Again, probably off topic, but not stressing about keeping up with some of the housework really has made me more relaxed and happier overall. Oh my, has it been a godsend. If you don’t already and it’s in the budget, you should definitely consider it. It’s freed up so much time on the weekend for me to have some downtime and enjoy my daughter.
• Some friends and I get together usually the first Tuesday of every month to do dinner and pick a new restaurant to try (this month is Nigerian!). It’s so important to have a little time on your own to unwind and I've found that even just one night a month can help give me a little bit of a break.
• I’m really working hard on not comparing myself to others. I don’t really get phased anymore by the mom’s that appear to have it all together. They don’t, and even if they did, everyone’s circumstances are different. I finally have realized that I’m doing a damn good job balancing what I do, and I’m proud of that.
• Also not comparing your child to others. It’s too easy to feel pressured or behind by comparing stats and milestones with those of friends’ babies. And while things like online forums and mommy groups are so very helpful in a ton of ways, there are times that they’ve made me feel like we are behind on milestones when we’re really not. I’ve spent too much time and energy worrying, wondering, and comparing when I should have been focused on just how awesome she is.

Overall, I’m just trying to change my outlook on things and embrace the chaos in my life.