My 3 year old takes sometimes an hour or more to fall asleep at night. We have tried different routines to see if that helps, but no luck. She doesn't take a nap so I know it's not that she isn't tired. There has to be some way we can help her fall asleep a little bit quicker, we start the bedtime routine at the same time every night and do things in just about the same order. Any tips for getting my LO to fall asleep in less than a half an hour at least, or is that unrealistic? She comes out of her room at least 1-3 times before even falling asleep.
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We tell her there will be a consequence if she comes out of her room for a non-emergency (she's 4 though). Is it that she's playing games and not laying down to actually sleep or that she's laying there but literally not tired.
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Is she doing anything too stimulating before bedtime?
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@T.H.O.U.: She's playing in her bed with her stuffed animals...@snowjewelz: DH does let her play the phone for a few minutes some nights before bed, but it's not every night...that could be part of the problem though. I'll have to talk to him about maybe letting her after dinner but then no more after X time.
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@Bao: What does she say/do when she comes out?
Also, why is this an issue? Just that you want her to get more sleep or that she's coming out and playing games?
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Putting books in her bed helped my DD. She "reads" a book after we leave and is usually out within 10 minutes
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@Bao: It's so tough to decipher too, cause I feel like each kid has a diff threshold for what is too much stimulation, you know? But it probably doesn't hurt to try?
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We have the same issue. Nothing helps. Even if she is exhausted it might take 30 mins but 45-60 is standard. She stays in her bed too. She might old with her baby doll for a bit, sing songs, but for the most part she just lays there.
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We're going through the same thing. LO takes a long time to fall asleep most nights. He's still on a nap, but we're working to shorten it to improve night sleep. Last night, he had two outs of his room for potty time. We do a token system for requests outside of the routine. Those have been working for the most part. I would love it if he would fall asleep quickly for the sake of his sleep.
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@T.H.O.U.: Yeah, it's about her coming out. When it's been a long day, and you want to get some things done or just breathe for a second and she keeps coming out for nothing it gets frustrating. Because when I do bring her back in she gets irritated I didn't cover her right, and her water isn't fresh and she's hungry and on and on. I know she is stalling but she flips if things aren't just right. I dread bedtime...DH does better with it. He has more patience for it than I do, I think.
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@Bao: I hate bedtime too. My husband really likes it and is better at it, so I try to make him do it as much as possible! He thinks I'm crazy because he likes rocking our toddler to sleep whereas I cannot handle the uncertainty of whether or not it will go smoothly!
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@Bao: we are having major bedtime battles these days too, specifically with all the trips out of his room! It can sometimes escalate fast and then it's just so frustrating. Last night we sat DS down and went over our expectations: You don't come out, every time you come out we are taking something away of our choosing (books, a special blanket, etc) and that we weren't going to talk to him. We would just walk him quietly back to his room. He came out a lot less and only called for us when he needed something (potty). He still was awake for the same amount but it was less frustrating. I'm hoping if we commit to the same thing each night it will slowly stop any interruptions and help him sleep faster. But I totally understand the frustration and it can really push my buttons depending on how the day went and how tired I am.
Eta: it could have been a fluke that it went well last night but I'm hoping we can get back to the point where he stays in bed again.
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@Bao: I hate bedtime too for the reasons you listed with the stalling. We've spent a lot of time explaining to him that he's not getting food at bedtime. If he's hungry, tough. It's all boundaries and such.
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What time is "bedtime" - when are lights out and she's supposed to be asleep? How many hours of sleep is she getting at night?
Our LO doesn't get out of bed, but the same issue applies as she will yell for us until we respond. She's 4 and knows that bedtime is 8:00. Last night she played in bed for about 30 minutes. When I'm over it and just want her to sleep I will tell her something like, "last warning, lay down, close your eyes and go to sleep. If I speak to you again, I'll take x away". She sleeps with several stuffed animals/blankets and that's typically enough to stop the activity. On school days where she's exhausted we usually don't have a struggle anymore. Once she's in her bed, she's out within 5 minutes.
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@MamaG: Does she nap? When we were at my parents for Christmas, LO #1 missed nap twice while there. He went to sleep with little issue because he was so tired and ready for it. When he naps lately, his nighttime sleep is more of a struggle. I'm really thinking that his nap has something to do with his bedtime struggles as well as the power struggle and boundaries. I can't wait until this phase is done with.
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@Bao: yea. That's the same boat we are in. I don't think it's an issue of her being able to fall asleep (because when she's ready, she closes her eyes and she's out). It's all the games that keeps her up. Yea it can take us an hour too.
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@Bao: I hate bedtime too. A is always stalling and making ridiculous requests, but the best thing for us is to stick to the routine with no extras and just tell her no when she asks for something. She also gets mad if I cover her up wrong or forget socks or she wants pants or her fan on. I made her practice with me last night covering herself back up because she kept yelling at me to do it the night before. She also can't come out of her room because I have a handle cover on the door. She has a small potty in her room if she has to pee at night.
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I am not yet dealing with this issue, but I remember a friend of mine who had this issue tell me that they determined it was fear of missing out.. The daughter felt like her parents were leaving her behind in her room and doing something without her, even if it was doing the dishes or whatever. So they instituted a house-wide blackout for 30 minutes after they put their daughter to bed - lights out, everyone in their rooms, so it seemed like everyone was done for the day. The parents just used that time to veg out in their bed and chat quietly or play with their phones, and once the kid was asleep, they would get up and do whatever remaining errands they had left in the house.
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@MamaG: Bedtime is 7:30 now, we have adjusted over the past few weeks. So we start routine at 7:00 (potty, books, teeth) leave room around 7:30 and hope she is out by 8:00 but it's usually much later than that. We were starting the routine later, like around 8:00 which meant she sometimes wouldn't fall asleep until 9:45/10 and that's ridiculous to me.
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@Bao: would it help if you lay with her for an extra five minutes? Or maybe you could try some sort of relaxing meditation together?
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@gingerbebe: We had the same issue. It was for us a thing about missing out, and I actually had a similar problem as a child....for an older kid, reading in bed until a certain time is a good thing to offer up, it worked for me.
But for my 5 year old, we had to do housewide "blackout." Worked like a charm, but the consequence is that my husband and I often fall asleep during this time and it messes up our sleep cycles.
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I know you're not going to like my answer, but when we really need her to just go to sleep quickly, I have to stay in the room. She has always fought sleep and will find things to do to keep herself up, including chewing her nails, laying sideways on her bed, singing to herself. If I'm in there (usually on the furthest edge of the bed away from her), I can remind her to stop whatever she's doing, close her eyes and go to sleep. Otherwise, she'll stay up until 10 or later, even though she's exhausted. So... 10 min in her room vs. 2+ hours of arguing with her to go back to bed...
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@Kemma: @BabyBoecksMom: DH spends a lot of time doing this, cuddling and rubbing her back...still doesn't work
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@Bao: Oh, there's no cuddling! I sit with my back to her. The more I interact with her, the more stimulated she gets. I only say things to her when I can tell she's fighting it. Sometimes I have to be very stern to get her to understand... but that's always been how she is.
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@BabyBoecksMom: oh like you're trying to sleep?
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This is my life too (2.5 year old), and a big part of why I'm dreading the big bed transition, though we're coming close to needing it since she's climbing out regularly. We've tried playing with bedtime, all the things, and it just seems that she needs time to settle down on her own. I've been trying to take a deep breath and deal with it as best I can and remember that it's part of their development phase to keep stalling on bedtime, even though it sucks to have so much interruption to the little quiet time I do get (she's also a late bedtimer, so that's even more of a pain). No good advice, lots of commiseration.
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@cascademom: Yes, my girl still naps. At school she gets a 40 minute rest period at about 2:00 in the afternoon. She's beat and falls asleep easily at 8:00 and sleeps for about 10.5 hours.
When she's not at school (weekends) she will nap for anywhere from 1-2.5 hours.
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@Bao: I find that when books are last and done in her bed that she seems to settle better/quicker. We aren't always consistent about our order or where it's done. The book selection also seems to have an impact. Last night's last book was "I"m not sleepy" about a baby owl that won't go to sleep - yah, not a good modeling story!
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@Bao: Nope - I sit on the foot of the bed, with my back to her.
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