My 16.5 month old is not walking, though finally getting close. He never crawled, only scooted. He didn't pull himself to stand until 15 months. Delays all around that we're dealing with proactively of course. The reason for my true frustration is when people say "So how old is DS now? 16 Months? Is he walking? He's probably all over the place" I know people are trying to be nice and make conversation, but it's a constant reminder every time we answer "He's scooting..." that his milestones are delayed. I think a better question when you're trying to make conversation and politely inquire about a little one's progress is "How old is he now? What is he up to lately?" Just my thought as the subject has been on my mind lately.
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I can totally feel your pain because although my son was a dynamo physically he doesn't talk and has started receptive communication on the later side. It's hard but I think the best thing we can do as parents is focus on our children's strengths and remember that not all children are the same.
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@Sunshine710: I make it a point to ask that way now because my LO isn't as quick to reach milestones as her cousins. It sucks when grandma (aka MIL) keeps saying how LO's cousin was already walking around and even DH was walking by 9 months...blah blah. You know what? My little one is taking her sweet time and that's okay. As a side note: my SIL didn't walk until 3 years old, like how MIL doesn't seem to remember that detail every time she asks if DD is walking yet.
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@MrsMccarthy: Absolutely, and I 100% agree. It has just generally got me thinking that we shouldn't assume LO's are or aren't hitting certain milestones just because they are x months old when we ask.
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@hellocupcake: For sure, and I've changed the way I ask too. I know the feeling, sometimes family members seem to cause the most frustration on this subject. I know it's usually because they care but I don't seem to find it helpful at ALL!
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My twins have been late to the game motion wise, and my response to the "Are they crawling yet?" question was always, "No, thank goodness! Mobility is trouble!" It always seemed to nip any snarky comments in the bud:)
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Is it ever possible to just tell them the truth? In a nice way? Sometimes I feel like these situations can be used to educate people, and if they are asking to just be pleasant and inquire about your LO in the only way they know how then maybe they genuinely want to know.
I just returned to work and I constantly get asked three things: is she sleeping through the night and is she a good eater and did I cry leaving her. At first I felt kind of bad, like I should be able to share "better" answers, as if the answers reflect on good or bad parenting. And then I realized I was being silly, and I started being truthful.
I have a terrible sleeper. She wakes up many times a night. She is not a good eater-- we actually have lots of feeding issues and I either skim over those or go into more detail, depending on the coworker. And no, I didn't cry. I love my baby but I'm not one to cry over something like that.
It felt good to just tell people the truth. And after I said it, lots of coworkers shared that their kids had been difficult sleepers or bad eaters or what have you. It's okay to knock down that pretense that all of our kids are perfect, and we are perfect parents, etc etc.
I know it might be hard at first, but what would happen if you just said, "LO is delayed with physical milestones. We're working in it and we're just thrilled to have such a sweet baby" or something along those lines?
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I don't like this question either bc it took my son awhile to crawl and walk. For the "oh, he's 1, is he walking" question, I answered with something along the lines of "nope, but he's getting there! I'm sure he'll walk into Kindergarten just fine."
ETA: I've also said things like "he enjoys taking his time, so he reaches all of the milestones whenever he is ready. The dr isn't worried and neither are we."
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I try to always ask more like, Oh what are his latest tricks? or some other funny, open ended way, but I know sometimes I forget. My nephew was slow on his milestones and it was a good reminder to be more sensitive. (And said nephew now runs around, talks, and everything else he should be doing, he just took longer to get there).
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@pregnantbee: muahaha walking into kindergarten, I like that one (: I'll have I use it next time.
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@Anagram: Exactly this. I am a big advocate of being honest about parenting. I think by glossing over anything that is less than perfect we are doing all of out fellow parents a disservice and setting each other up to feel like failures.
I really like the idea of asking "what's she up to?" instead of "is she crawling all over now?" -
@Sunshine710: you would like my questions then. I haven't a clue about what babies are supposed to do. I ask the age to get the perspective on baby size (clueless here) and then ask what does their baby do?
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@Anagram: I agree! I read somewhere that lots of moms feel the pressure for their kid to be perfect, so they'll lie about how they are doing. Sleep, for example. It's a wicked cycle, because then when your baby isn't perfect, you think you're the only one.
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@Anagram: yes! I am cursed with friends and coworkers who are "one-uppers". I am just honest about what LO is doing (or not doing) and don't stress it. It was hard at first to not try and keep up with what everyone else's *perfect* children are doing, but it's refreshing to talk about the skills she is working on at her own pace.
@Sunshine710: I have also changed the way I ask people about their children and focus less on what they "should" be doing vs what they actually are doing. It's just one more area in life where motherhood has humbled me, I guess.
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I'm right there with you. A is 15 months and I always get "isn't she walking yet?" Umm, nope but I am sure you will find out when she is! She is over and beyond where she should be socially but as far as gross motor she is a little behind other kids her age. However I was told the normal age range for walking is anytime before 2 years. Every baby is different and goes at their own pace.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm the same way, I never know what the normal ranges are!
@Sunshine710: this was a great reminder, thanks! I will keep it in the back of my mind next time I'm tempted to ask about a specific milestone!
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I love this idea. I've never even thought about it, but as my dd doesn't roll yet at 6.5 months (yet sits up?) I've recently become a little sensitive. Especially since she has a cousin three months older who is thisclose to walking.
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That's a great idea, I never thought about it! Although, often people who don't have kids ask me things about my almost 6 month old like "is she walking yet?" or will try to give me candy or cake to give her because they just don't know the way they develop lol
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I love @Foodnerd81:'s suggestion of "What are his latest tricks?" because I feel like my kids always look like they just performed the greatest magic trick ever when they accomplish something new. I'm definitely going to start using this phrasing.
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I answer the same way I did when I was constantly asked how much weight I gained while pregnant. I give a vauge response like "Oh man, too much!" then I turn the question right back around on the person who asked. Because really most of the time it's just asked by someone who wants to show off what their own response to the question is.
I constantly get "How is he sleeping?" "Is he sleeping through the night yet?" (DS is only 3 months old) and "Do you have a nanny cam?". Clearly there is only one acceptable response to these questions and I think the nanny cam one is pretty rude since it implies we are being bad parents if the answer is no, but I've found turning it back on them usually gets them to shut up.
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