I miscarried five months ago, but I am still so emotional About the miscarriage. I teach kindergarten and I am surrounded by pregnant parents, I am surrounded by friends with babies or pregnancy announcements. Everywhere I go everything I do I feel like I cannot get away from
Babies and it causes me so much pain. Since the mc my cycles still are so whacky and long and I can tell something with my body just isn't right. Is this hormones... Or can I just not let go of my loss? I don't want to forget, that baby was mine, important and mattered tenuously but I don't want to break down and cry everyday... Is this normal? Also we have been Ttc since the mc which has caused a ton of stress that I can say isn't helping the situation. Seeing a bfn is completely heartbreaking it affects me way more than I ever imagined. Did anyone else go through this??
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@Weswife: I have had a baby since my miscarriage, and it still gets me from time to time (Mother's Day was difficult for me). Be kind to yourself. Grieve on your own schedule. If you feel you need some support, there are counselors that specialize in loss support (I looked into it myself). But really, be kind to yourself. I had a major breakdown at Target once after my m/c (poor teenage boy...), and also had to leave a Kindermusik class where a dear friend announced her pregnancy (I already knew about it, and she didn't yet know about my m/c, but I couldn't handle the discussion.)
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Hugs. Mine was 3 months ago and I'm still very emotional about it. Some days, I wish I was pregnant again but others I still feel like I need time to grieve. I'm almost certain I haven't ovulated since I got pregnant too. My cycles are 21 days long with 10-12 days of bleeding. It stinks
I so badly want to feel normal again.Exercise has helped mentally but I don't think it's enough. I have an appt with my OB tomorrow (I feel like I've been in his office every 2 weeks since the MC happened) and I'm going to ask about anti-depressants. I just don't think it's "normal" to feel so down for so long. I'm sure some of my mood comes from hormonal changes but I have had some bad, bad days and it doesn't seem to be getting better.
Have you considered therapy? I hope you can find the help you need
it truly is a lonely and tough time.
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@HLK208: I have been talking to my OB back and forth since the mc and have tried progesterone. I asked about antidepressants and be wanted to wait. I was supposed to have an appointment yesterday to come up with a plan and it was cancelled. I had an emotional breakdown though because it was cancelled! That's not normal...
I just want to feel normal again. And I just want to be a mother...
I have thought about therapy. I am currently taking classes and have dog training so my week nights are so jammed packed I honestly don't have time till May is over so I am just hanging on. But I think my issues may not just be sadness solely. I think my hormones are all messed up. I am pretty sure I haven't ovulated in five months either since I have been trying to track but it has been completely unsuccessful, even with Opks three times a day. Hoping things can get better and turn around for both of us!
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I've mentioned this in response to another one of your posts but I know my hormones were a mess after I had a miscarriage and it took me from June until October for my cycle to normalize (my opk's weren't working either but I was tracking my BBT). I remember in August being particularly emotional as my son started 3 year old preschool and I saw all of these other parents that were pregnant or had newborns. I remember feeling so jealous of one pregnant mother in my son's class at the time only to find out last weekend that she suffered 2 miscarriages and over a year of struggling until she had her rainbow baby. I guess the point of that is that I've found it helpful to remind myself that you don't always know everybody else's story. I'm pretty open about the two miscarriages I had and I've been shocked by how many people tell me they had one too after I mention it (co-workers, friends, etc.).
Have you seen an RE to do any testing to see if anything is wrong? Also, have you thought about planning something fun to try to take a break from all the TTC nonsense? Maybe plan a night or two out with friends or plan a vacation with DH? I took a trip to Miami with my husband in September and I felt like doing stuff for myself really helped me get back to feeling like myself again.
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It could definitely be hormones but you also need to let yourself grieve. You experienced a true loss (even if it seems taboo to acknowledge it). It's not just losing a pregnancy, it's losing all the things you imagined in your future life with your future child. And the world around us doesn't help at all, since people tend to shy around from talking about it (even if you are open to it). I have struggled with this so much.
I think there are a few things you could do to make yourself feel better. It might help you to see an RE and get evaluated, to make sure you are ovulating. Maybe getting some answers and feeling like you are doing something to move forward will help. You could consider talking to a therapist. This would definitely be a good reason to talk to one. You could also consider taking a little time off from TTC if you are young enough that you feel like you have the time. I did this recently, after a miscarriage followed by a chemical, and it was the best thing I did. Not only did I clear my head and get rid of the stress from TTC, but I took the time to start working out again and eating better, so after a couple months of that, I felt so much better. We also planned a vacation to give me something to look forward to other than a baby, and that really helped too.
Best of luck and hugs.
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My cycles bounced back pretty quickly after my miscarriage but I still feel a lot of grief over my loss. My pregnancy was ectopic, so I now feel like I have the added anxiety of it happening again. I know about three other women who were all due at the same time I was and I see them frequently. It's really tough. On my birthday I just felt so overwhelmingly sad about my miscarriage.
I agree with the others that taking time to do things for myself have really helped. I just finished a Whole30 and started running and exercising again. Getting enough sleep is also a big help. All that stuff helps me manage my anxiety a little better.
Sending you hugs. -
I just found out Tuesday at 9.5 weeks that our baby stopped growing around 8 weeks so I dunno how I'll feel in a few weeks or months, but so far, I'm just numb. It took us 3.5 years to finally get this bfp, so i think I'm just used to bad news. My coping mechanism since the start has just been to look ahead to what to do next. Every now and then there a good break down, but for the most part, its about what to do next.
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@catlady: what is RE? Also we did a vacation already! Ha and it's helped while I was there but then real life set back in. Also I am 30 almost 31 and I don't feel like I have time to stop. I don't Know why but even the thought of taking a break sends me into sheer panic!
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@PurplePumps: I am so sorry for you loss! I will be honest for me its be awful... I had no idea it would hurt this badly. I pray that you find peace and are able to handle the journey ahead better than myself. Many hugs to you
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@Weswife: Sorry, RE = reproductive endocrinologist. 30 is not old at all! I had just turned 35 when we took our short break. But I understand the desire to keep going. It's a tough place to be in. If you are feeling panic, it may be time to speak to a therapist. I spoke with one during some rough times when I was getting anxiety attacks and it really helped just to talk to someone.
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@catlady: yeah I have been to a therapist before and I had one planned to go to then our insurance changed so just need to look again.
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@catlady: also while 30(almost 31) may not seem old, I feel like I am already out of time for a family! It's hard when you are surrounded by families. I am the only one of my friends who doesn't have a child and it's heartbreaking
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@PurplePumps: I wanted to write you again. I responded on a rough day so my response may have not been the best in relation to the situation. Again I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that right now you are finding some happiness in each day, because it's hard. But I want you to know it gets easier. You are still sad and miss that sweet baby and the what if, but life does get easier. I have learned that the timing is different for everyone though. I still have hard times, but I allow them because my thoughts and my feelings are valid. Be kind to yourself and make sure you give yourself time. Don't rush into anything that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable. It's been almost six months for me and I still don't go to baby showers etc. The pain for me isn't worth it. So make the choices that work best for you. I pray that you are doing as well as can be. I also pray that you are finding peace in each day. God has a plan... One day we will see the amazing plan that awaits us! Many hugs and love to you!
I so badly want to feel normal again.
it truly is a lonely and tough time.
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