I'm sure you caught her off guard and hopefully she will be more sympathetic when she thinks about it for awhile and really learns about and understands what you have been through. I think my mom was just about to call my husband and find out if I was having a mental breakdown when I finally told her. I was super pissed off all the time and she had no idea why. My behavior made a lot more sense after she knew what was going on.
I hope you can call her back and ask her to explain. As for the book Girl on the Train... someone was telling me that I just had to read it so I picked it up the other night. I don't want to give away any details... just funny for this book to be suggested to an IF girl... That's all I will say.
Self preservation.
This thread has been closed by the original poster.
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Has anyone read The Girl on the Train? I'm reading it now...
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@agold: My RE says Thursday is fine, but the issues are that it is only day 11 and requires triggering early on day 10 about 25 hours prior to IUI (first one it seemed like it had to be 36 hours prior), bad for my work (though I would just miss it if I thought it was the best time), and really bad for DH. About 20 minutes after we left, we figured out a way to make Friday work (we are going out of town but we would drive two separate cars which I hate and DH would be a little late for his conference, would do his sample at home and wouldn't be there for IUI) but then when I called 20 minutes later, someone else took that appointment, and they said they are overbooked and that could cause a mix up. DH has had this conference planned for months, and is willing to miss part of it, but they are pushing us to do it early, and if we do, there is no way the smaller follicles have a chance, and I'm worried that pushing it early will compromise the egg.
The plan is femara with an ovidrel trigger, and second ovidrel five days later to boost progesterone. We are leaning toward just BD this cycle and save the third IUI for next cycle. Given that I just started Cabergoline for elevated prolactin in July, it would be nice to give it a little more chance before we go to IVF, which is 100% out of pocket.
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I finally told my mom that we've been trying. I told her in the morning that we were going to CO, and as expected she asked why. I just brushed it off and said just to visit. Then on the way home I decided to finally just tell her, so I call her up and she asks me what's up. And I say I'm going to CO to see a doctor. And she asks why. And I muster up the words "to try to have a baby". And her response... "is that it? there's nothing else wrong, right?" Well, I mean, I guess it COULD be worse, I could be dying or something... but "is that it"? Yup, to sum it up and minimize it, I guess so. Then she asks why CO and what's wrong? I tell her cause one of the best clinics is there and I don't know whats wrong, just immature/bad quality eggs. And that the doc has suggested egg donor. "What?? Why egg donor? Cant you use your own" OMFG, I just SAID mine were crap! And told her I did IVF 3x already and the eggs were no good. I don't think it registered, not sure she really got what that was. And a lot was probably lost in translation with a language barrier. Plus the fact that not a single extended family has had any fertility issues. Get married and 10 months later, boom. So I said I might be able to try IVF again with some different meds, and she tells me not to just randomly take stuff and to check out the side effects. Seriously? As if I could randomly take hormones and wasn't already more than well versed with side effects. It was frustrating to say the least. I almost wish I just hadn't bothered saying anything.
Oh, and then this morning she decided to meet me for my appointment for blood and u/s since the hospital happen to be 10 minutes from my parents house. Umm.. ok, that's not weird at all. And tells me that she saw on the news that "they" say not to drink liquor when pregnant or trying. uhh.. thanks? I know she means well, but it's just so frustrating to hear that kind of "advise".
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@AmeliaBedilia: I wouldn't worry too much about the specific cycle day. IF meds change up your cycle so much that I think its really hard to measure things by the same CDs you looked at prior to starting IF treatments and using meds and stuff. I think it sounds like you have a good plan in place now. And maybe try to just schedule IUI without your husband. I didn't ever want my husband to miss work for this stuff if I didn't really need him to.
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@PurplePumps: omg - I'm so sorry that did not go well or as expected. It seems that for those who have no exposure to it, they tend to say the wrong things or completely unhelpful. But, remember, that this is completely new to her and she probably doesn't realize (or it hasn't hit her yet) that you have already gone through this for such a long time.
I'm on the fence about telling my parents and you about made that decision for me. I know that they would be supportive, but when I try to talk to my mom about something important, I can tell that she is doing something she feels is more important in the background and then turns the subject to something she would rather discuss. So..yeah...not sure if I'll be telling her. But, they want to see their grandkid, so how do I explain that I have all these doctor appointments 2 hours away from my house on the weekend.
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@agold: I see what you're saying, on just femara, I usually ovulate day 14. I've read a lot lately about ovulating too early causing problems with egg quality, and going that early means the smaller follicles have no chance. The concern with DH is having him available to give the sample, not actually being there for the IUI itself. I told him he doesn't have to be there, but his swimmers do.
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@agold: awe, that sounds so rough. I told my mom and she is mostly supportive but sometimes it is clear that she doesn't get it, and hates seeing me upset when she can't do anything to fix it. My mom has a magical superpower where she actually got pregnant from having sex.
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@AmeliaBedilia: mine too - pregnant at 20 while dating my dad and married a few months before I was born. If only it was that easy..
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@NorthStar: @AmeliaBedilia: @PurplePumps: My mom has been pretty supportive, but she does for some reason feel the need to remind me that she can't really relate because SHE had NO problem getting pregnant! TX mom!
@PurplePumps: I'm sorry that it went down that way with your mom.
I'm sure you caught her off guard and hopefully she will be more sympathetic when she thinks about it for awhile and really learns about and understands what you have been through. I think my mom was just about to call my husband and find out if I was having a mental breakdown when I finally told her. I was super pissed off all the time and she had no idea why. My behavior made a lot more sense after she knew what was going on.@AmeliaBedilia: I don't know much about IUIs and timing, but I'm sorry that you are having to stress about all of this. If you don't feel like it is a good thing to do with the timing given by your RE and your/DHs schedules, then you might consider waiting. Even though there is never "perfect" timing, it seems like this is one situation where having close to "perfect" is really important!
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@AmeliaBedilia: Such a tough position to be in!! our RE is open on the weekends (at least for our retrieval I had appointments on Saturday and Sunday). I have no idea on IUI timings since we didn't do that, but hopefully others will be able to chime in with some good advice! My thing is to always trust your instinct, so if it's telling you that Thursday is not the right time, I'd wait (based on no scientific basis at all :p)
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@AmeliaBedilia: I'm so sorry- what a frustrating situation. I would be annoyed that they seem to be doing things on their schedule and not what's best for you. Are the offices not open on the weekends at all or do they just not do IUIs then? I am admittedly not that familiar with IUIs but it sounds like the timing is similar to ER. It sounds crazy to me that they would make everyone have to do a procedure that is so time sensitive only on weekdays.
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@GreenThumb: @endymion4: @dookie32: thanks! They occasionally are open for IVF on Saturdays but no IUIs. Worst case if I push the IUI to next cycle is I might get billed these two ultrasounds which is about $400. I don't feel great about any option, but feel a little better about getting two more tries before sinking $15,000 on IVF (in the middle of paying two mortgages and a house renovation).
I really appreciate how welcoming and helpful everyone is! I started on this board since I knew there was a good chance of needing IVF, and there aren't many pre-IVF threads. I knew learning more would help and it is. This whole thing is so hard!
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@agold: as of now we're scheduled for Monday (don't have a time yet). They said everything looks fine. I was just nervous because she said something like 'we're looking for a level of 50, and yours is one thousand something' (this was in a voicemail so didn't have a chance to ask). I've not read girl on the train, but it's on my list for this winter! are you liking it? I just picked up a bunch of funny books from the library for next week!
@PurplePumps: so sorry you had a frustrating interaction with your mom about IVF! I wish i hadn't told mine either (except she was here during our retrieval, so I had to). Her response was "you know you can have multiples that way. You could just be happy with what you have." Uh, thanks.
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@PurplePumps: I'm so sorry your conversation with your mom was frustrating. I think that 99.9% of all people have no idea what girls going through IVF are actually going through. Most people's advice is well meaning. But i've found that its really hard for me to talk about this with anyone at all. Except you girls here and a couple friends on text - but never in person. There's just simply no words that can appease us IVFers because the situation is so f*cked up and nonsensical. My mom also watched Good Morning America where I know that "no alcohol even while TTC" thing was brought up. Its only a matter of hours before my mom gives me the same "advice". Hugs to you, lady. Also - as for donor eggs... that is something that even less people will understand and even less will agree with. As an egg donor with my sister as the recipient, I know that talking about this little part of the process as little as possible is best, at least in our situation. Again, hugs to you. Its rough, I know.
@endymion4: Wow! Monday! That's coming up. I'm wishing you all the best!
And what a dumb voice message from your nurse! 
I hope you can call her back and ask her to explain. As for the book Girl on the Train... someone was telling me that I just had to read it so I picked it up the other night. I don't want to give away any details... just funny for this book to be suggested to an IF girl... That's all I will say.
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@agold: There's just simply no words that can appease us IVFers because the situation is so f*cked up and nonsensical.
That is so true. There really was nothing she could say, especially since she probably does not grasp the whole picture and what I've already tried and learned and gone through, that could make me feel better. In reality, though support from others that understand is great, there's probably nothing at all that anyone can do or say that can really make this better except that doctor that just gets me my baby. Ahhh, it must have been Good Morning America. She must have had that on this morning before coming out to meet me.
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@PurplePumps: The segment was on GMA yesterday morning. I'm sure that's what she saw.
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@NorthStar: In a way, there is a little relief that they know now. I know they want grandkids, and in a really depressing way of thinking about it.. .if it doesn't happen for us, then they're kinda prepped for the idea that it wont happen and it wont be a totally surprise if I announce one day that we're selling the house and downsizing cause we're not having kids. We'll see how it goes and how much "advice" she tries to give me in the upcoming weeks though.
@GreenThumb: Ugh, my husband doesnt even understand the moods. As unshocked as I was AF showing up was still a major bummer on Sunday and I was just pissy and short. He just whined about it and told me to 'quit being such a grump' and couldn't even put 2+2 together on why I was having such a down day and wasn't all cheerful and playful.
Most my bloods from this morning are back. All well within the normal ranges, except for testosterone, which was low. Does anyone have any experience with that? I wont have a follow up with the doc to discuss the results for a few weeks probably.
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My RE batches cycles, and the one we would likely do is:
Suppression (I think, he was telling DH while I scheduled blood draws) 12/28
Start stims 1/2
ER 1/13-1/15 (Wednesday to Friday)I know one Monday morning a month is "IVF Monday" where he only schedules IVF procedures. (I assume transfers). Does all this sound reasonable? What questions should I ask? After today, my concern is whether my body will need something when they're closed. How do they decide when to transfer? I worry that I'll do ER on a Wednesday and need a three day transfer and they will be closed, or something similar.
FYI this is a one doc practice but "full service." My other options are a hospital with good numbers but I've heard many people unhappy, and an RE my friend loves, is trained in acupuncture, but about 40 minutes away.
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@PurplePumps: and others with moms who are not sensitive about IVF, my heart goes out to you. It is super true what you said, @agold: ... there's very little that non-IVFers can understand. My mom, dad and sister are figuring out how to be as sensitive as they can. I told them even though in the past they haven't been super understanding, but basically I am training them as we go with what to say/not say. They are taking it well. (My mom has gone and told everyone else in the family, plus her church and the lady that checks her groceries at the supermarket ... but whatever, I'm so far away from that it hardly matters.) As some might remember, I posted a few months ago about my MIL and FILs horrible reaction to hearing that we are doing IVF. It still stings but DH and I are in therapy so it's being "worked on." After that traumatic experience with the ILs, I've told no one, not even my best friend. I just figured out that I couldn't trust her to be 110% amazing and sensitive and that's the only reason I would tell anyone else. You are all my support system... because you get it.
@endymion4: That is so cool that your FET is Monday! I don't know anything about E2 levels but I hope you get some good info to calm any nerves.
@AmeliaBedilia: I hope you arrive at a good solution for this IUI that gives you peace.
AFM, I started BCPs for my FET and nailed down the date yesterday for December 7th ... and then all hell broke lose! This morning as I walked the dogs, a wave of uterine cramps came over me and I hardly made it back to the house. Once I got there, all I could do is lay on the floor in pain for 20 to 30 minutes ... with just constant stabbing pains in my right ovary. The pain subsided but I was seriously not sure if I should call 911 ... I texted my husband and told him what was happening and called the RE (who, of course, wasn't open yet!) A few hours later I emailed them and still didn't hear back. It wasn't until noon that they contacted me and told me to get here (2 hours away), go to my OBGYN, or the ER. They thought I might have fluid building up in my stomach or possibly an embolism! By then, I had made it to work, although I was still feeling generally crampy and weak, but no throbbing ovary pain. (I am so hardcore in showing up for work. Is anyone else this way?)
So I went to my OBGYN (who I love now more than ever), despite the fact that I was literally surrounded by babies and post-natal moms. In my exam room where I waited to be checked out, I was surrounded by literally (I counted!) 312 pictures of newborns. After I counted them, I "got" that this was all so super ridiculous and that somewhere someone needs to write a movie ... a comedy ... about going through IVF. (Kind of in the style of Tig Notaro's routine about cancer, if you're familiar with that.) Cry until you laugh! Laugh until you cry!
The things we go through ... oh but today got even better!
The OBGYN did a transvaginal ultrasound and felt around my stomach. No bloating, no excess fluids in my stomach but my right ovary (the stabbing one from earlier this morning) was STILL larger than normal, likely from stimming AND I had multiple fluid-filled cysts in both ovaries. (I understand these to be the former spaces where there were follicles, but it's still unclear.) The OBGYN said they thought it was a ruptured cyst that made things so painful this morning and the rest of the fluid-filled cysts indicates hyperstimulation. I am STILL hyperstimulating?! Most times it resolves with a period, but not always quite obviously! They did a metabolism panel (checking kidney and liver function) and will call tomorrow with the report. They are sending all of this up to my RE.
After leaving the OBGYN, I called my RE and reported on what happened. Based on this, the RE wants to cancel my saline sono and cancel the FET until "things resolve." (Giving me estrogen will only make thing worse). And NOW they want me to do a post-retrieval follow-up. "Oh, it's standard procedure and we forgot to do that with you before your FET." Standard procedure after we have been in touch for 3 weeks about how I'm recovering and how they FET will go? I feel we are just getting gouged right now (it will cost about $125 ... OOP) because maybe I'm a more complicated patient (hyperstimulating and all...).
Good f-ing grief.
Have you ever had a ruptured follicle/cyst post-retrieval?
Have you ever had an experience with your RE like this?
What do you pay for a follow-up?
What do you pay for a saline sonogram? (I think I'm going to use my unhappiness with them to negotiate on the follow-up and SS. I've already asked about it for the SS and they are still "checking with the RE" on that...) -
@AmeliaBedilia: Your RE's office operates a bit differently than mine and since I only have experience with mine, I'm not sure how your RE can only schedule one day a month for transfers. Maybe you can clarify that with him. Girls all respond differently to medicines and embryos grow at different rates. So even if he started all the IVF girls on meds at the same time, I can't see how he can line everyone up for a transfer on the same day. For all IUI/IVF cycles until the present time, I've had to go in on weekends. I was in this past weekend and I will be in this upcoming weekend. My RE is also a one doctor shop. he seems to be there every morning of the week at 6 am. No clue how he does it.
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@Amorini: I'm so glad that we here at HB can be your support system. I have two friends who don't live near me that I talk to about my IF stuff, and my husband. But other than that, I don't like to talk to anyone else about it. Like you said, I need someone to be 100% amazing and sensitive and that's just too much to expect from normal, fertile people.
As for what you are going through... goodness gracious, that is all alot! I'm so sorry about the pain you experienced. It sounds awful. But like you, I probably would have gone into work also!! Ugh.. its a downfall for us, I think, hard core work attendance!
I'm so glad you were able to get into your gyno. So sorry you were surrounded by babies. Someone should absolutely make a comical video about all of the disturbing situations we encounter while undergoing IVF. (Similarly... I have an appointment at the RE scheduled for this upcoming saturday - there will be a "miracle babies" halloween party in the RE office parking lot going on at the same time. Why would they schedule me then!?!?) Anyhow.. I'm so sorry that this is going to delay your FET but try to remember that you wouldn't want to put the frozen embryos back into a less than ideal environment. As for follow up visits, I had a crazy long cycle after my first IUI with no period in sight. I went for two follow up visits $171.60 and $104.19. I wasn't bothered by the prices in general because both were prompted by my own calls to the office and I personally wanted to know what was going on with my cycle.
If HSS is the same as your saline sonogram, I paid $141.49 for it. The oddness of the price makes me think that it was covered partially by my insurance.
I'm so sorry you are feeling so frustrated!
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@Amorini: Big hugs! That sounds terrible! Prayers you feel back to baseline soon!
@agold: Thanks for the perspective. I'm not sure if he does all the transfers Monday, or just some. But that is definitely a question I need to ask, so thanks!
How does everyone deal with the "It's never going to happen"?
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@Amorini: There is a video called "Does this baby make me look fat?" on youtube. It's about TTC, then IF but not IVF. I watch it, laugh, and think that I could have written it.
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@Amorini: I am really sorry to hear about what you went through today! I'm glad it was nothing more than a cyst, but it totally sucks that this throws off the timing of your next steps!! I did have a ruptured ovarian cyst several years before TTC (so nothing to do with IVF), but it hurt so bad my mom made me go to the ER. It was resolved by the following month, so I really hope a month off for you does the trick. This way you will be tip-top for the FET. I hope everything looks ok with your labs tomorrow.
I remember when I was going through my first cycle in 2012 it was like every woman around me was pregnant. I had never noticed so many pregnant women before! Now I just ignore all the bellies.
Self preservation.
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@Amorini: Wow! What a day. I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
It sure it crazy how everyone seems to be having babies right now! I just noticed another 2 preg announcements and a birth on FB this weekend, then right after my bloodwork and u/s yesterday I go straight to a work meeting... and the guy puts his laptop on the screen and what is his background. An ultrasound announcement of his baby boy. ugh. -
ack!! on the message the nurse left monday she said to start medrol, doxy, and endometrin on the 21st (today). in an email she sent me this morning, it says start tomorrow. I already took them all this morning!! i hope she gets back to me soon! i don't want things to be screwed up because I took them a day early according to her directions!!!
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@endymion4: Was the email sent this morning or yesterday (and you just saw it this morning)?! don't beat yourself up - the nurse screwed up in telling you two different days..hope you can reach them soon
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@Amorini: what a scary experience!! so sorry it's going to throw off your timing moving forward, but better to be in the best position for success. I've had ovarian cysts before, but none that have ruptured (I had a couple removed via laparoscopic surgery almost a decade ago).
@NorthStar: Yes, it was definitely sent this morning after I had already taken the meds, which is why i had a mini panic attack!! she just got back to me that I AM supposed to start all of those meds today. Phew!
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@agold: @AmeliaBedilia: @GreenThumb: @PurplePumps: Thanks, ladies! Hugs!
@endymion4: Argh, sorry this is so stressful! Hoping it all works out!
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@endymion4: Phew! Oh good... Just a few more days now!
Oh and thanks for your kind words. I'm still having waves of pain but not as bad as yesterday morning. How big were your cysts when they were removed? Mine are only 25 mm tops right now. I'm hoping like @GreenThumb, that they resolve within the next month.
I got conflicted info from the RE and OBGYN about staying on BCPs. The OBGYN says to stay on them and that it will help calm my ovaries. The RE said to stop them since I won't be moving forward with FET any time soon. Love it! I've decided to stop them. I'm a healthy person and I'm sure this will resolve if I just get off all the drugs!
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@AmeliaBedilia: I hope you aren't having such bad "its never going to happen" thoughts.
Those are so tough to deal with. I really didn't start to think anything like that until my fresh cycle IVF failed. But now I do think, every so often, that "this COULD never happen." I look at it like a healthy realization of an honest possibility. So if "it's never going to happen" then I will carry on as well as I can. What more can we do?Buy a puppy and pretend it's a baby? Maybe. Travel around the world, buy a convertible coupe, sleep in on weekends, and enjoy happy hour all the time? Probably. Fall into drunken despair and have black outs all the time? (Ummm.... is there really no one here reading "girl on the train"?) Hopefully no. I lean on my religion and that helps so much. I hope you can get out and get some laughs and cheer today. Hugs to you. I know this is tough. @GreenThumb: Ignoring bellies is a good form of self preservation. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but sometimes I see a pregnant girl, and I think "oh poor thing, she's just gained a lot of weight."
(I just completely ignore that she's growing a baby! ETA: I'm not actually considering the pregnant girl fat, I'm just making a joke to myself that her round belly is not the result of pregnancy, but too many slices of pizza.) It makes me laugh every time. Better than feeling sorry for myself! @PurplePumps: When you saw the ultrasound on your co-worker's lap top screen, did you look around for cameras and think you were being punked? I always expect Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me its all a joke. Like, how can there seriously be so many pregnancy/baby things around us?
@endymion4: That sucks that your paper said something different than what your nurse told you. That happened to me during my IVF. I don't think one day will make a different either way. Its your nurse's fault anyways so that should make you feel a little better!
@Amorini: I'm glad you are feeling better today. It still sucks so bad to have waves of pain. You are such a strong girl. I'd probably have stopped the BCPs too. I hate putting all these hormones in my body.
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@Amorini: Damn girl you have been through the ringer- I'm so sorry! I totally understand wanting to stop the BC and give your body a break for a while. Sad for you that transfer is going to have to wait a little longer but most important thing is to get healthy so you give the FET the best chance.
We had a follow-up post ER with our RE about 2 weeks after. Since we're doing a FET I think the purpose was to discuss how many embryos we were going to transfer. We've known since the beginning that we were only going to do 1 so there really wasn't much to discuss. I'm surprised considering your issues with the OHSS that they weren't monitoring you more closely in the following weeks but I'm not sure what they would or could do as far as testing or drugs. I would definitely be curious though if there was something that you could have been given to prevent the rupture- not that anything can be done at this point.
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@AmeliaBedilia: I deal with it by just pushing off the idea since I still have a little shred of hope. I didn't really think that it might not happen until my 3rd round. I've had doctors that told me they've not seen such poor results 3x in a row, and 1 doc telling me he wouldn't even take me as a patient to bother doing IVF again.... the possibility that this just isn't going to happen is pretty real in my mind. When I finally give up treatment and trying and sell my house to downsize, then I'll know it's real and probably lose it then. In the meantime, with my shred of hope, I get by day to day by continuing to try to enjoy other aspects of life to the fullest... Travel, splurging on that handbag or shoes I want, and having that bottle of wine if i want it!
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Well, we just had our consult with the RE and wow, a lot going on…
1. He is recommending a low dose antagonist protocol, but a Lupron (with a tiny dose of HCG) trigger to reduce chances of OHSS.
2. Even though I don't have PCOS, he recommends metformin, which also is supposed to reduce likelihood of OHSS. Side effects sound awesome (GI upset).
3. Even though the hematologist recommended daily injections of Lovenox from the start of the cycle all the way through birth, RE does not think that is necessary (um, do I really have to decide myself, 'cuz Lovenox stings something awful and creates terrible bruises?!?!)
4. I can't get started on BCPs at the beginning of next cycle (likely Halloween - how appropriate?) because my case needs to be reviewed by their committee for approval. Really a good thing, but it can take up to 2 weeks and puts me behind what I was hoping for.So bottom line… not even starting with 4 weeks of BCPs until the end of Nov, so we are going to have a 2016 transfer for sure! I have a headache :meh:!
Oh, and supplements… prenatal, CoQ10, Vitamin D, fish oil, and then add DHA during stims.
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@GreenThumb: You can get metformin ER which has fewer side effects. I'm on the max dose and despite a lot of diarrhea while we titrated it up, it's not a big deal.
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@AmeliaBedilia: Thanks! I'm glad to hear that you haven't had trouble with the side effects. I'll have to see what the prescription is for. They said I should start with 1/day and work up to 3/day over the course of 3 weeks, so hopefully that will curb any issues. How long have you been on it? Are you taking it for PCOS or egg quality?
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@GreenThumb: No PCOS, but noticed my LP is one day longer on it, and will hopefully help egg quality.
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@AmeliaBedilia: I don't have PCOS either - I had never heard of adding it for egg quality before yesterday, but I'm glad to try something new. So interesting that you've had an increase in LP on it… that has to be good!!
What did you end up deciding to do about your IUI?
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@GreenThumb: Wow, that is a lot to take in from just one visit with the RE. On the bright side, you can coast through the holidays while really looking forward to a good start in 2016. Thanks for sharing your vitamins. I hope you can treat yourself nice this weekend!
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@GreenThumb: Skipped it, doing femara/ovidrel/BD. We're hitting good timing so hoping for the best.
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