So this happened yesterday at daycare pickup and I still can't stop thinking about it. It was raining and I was walking to the car holding my 1.5 year old and an umbrella with my almost 3 year old walking next to me. The whole walk he wanted to splash, didn't want to hold my hand and was generally being a PITA. I offered multiple options - hold my hand, I'll keep my hand on his shoulder or backpack, he can keep a hand on my leg - he wouldn't have any of it and kept trying to play. About 6 feet from my car, right in front of the car next to me I said to him you either walk next to me or you can stand here and cry while I put your sister in the car. He opted to stand and cry so I went to my car to just put my daughter in her carseat (didn't even buckle her in, took 4 seconds tops). While I did that, the dad in the car next to me got out with his umbrella and stood next to my son, shielding him from the rain. That means he had been watching the exchange (I did not raise my voice even once, but I did speak sternly to him) and decided that what I did was inappropriate and took it upon himself to do something about it?! It made me furious. It wasn't raining that hard and I had him in my sight the entire time. I was cordial when I went back, telling him thank you but there was no need. It's just a little rain and my son needs to learn to follow my instructions to be safe. He mumbled "listen to your mom" and went back into his car. Maybe I'm mad because I'm embarrassed, or maybe I know his children and think they're spoiled, either way every time I remember this I get a raging hot fire in my chest. I know I should just brush it off but UGHHHHHHHHH.
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I think you're totally entitled to be upset about that interaction. He undermined your parenting and I personally think you were in the right letting him stand in the rain. I'd have done the same thing if I could trust my daughter not to bolt.
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Almost every parent at my daycare that has two kids has older one stand on the sidewalk in front of the car while they strap the younger one in, that way the older one isn't standing between cars pulling in and out, or tempted to run out into parking lot.
If your daycare is similar, I imagine the dad was in his car, couldn't hear your conversation with your child, and got out to hold the umbrella thinking your son was just cring from getting went and the dad was helping you by holding the umbrella. So when you came up to him talking about your child misbehaving, he probably had no clue and just mumbled whatever popped into his head.
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Ugh. There have been lots of times I wouldn't want someone watching my parenting and I only have one so far. If I saw that exchange, I probably would have laughed a tiny bit just knowing exactly what was going on. Definitely wouldn't have judged.
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@Anagram: his family was walking behind us on the way. They actually had to pass us because LO was stopping to play so often. I'm sure he thought he was helping, either my son or helping me see that he didn't think what I did was right. I don't mean to harp, it just REALLY bothered me.
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I had something similar happen where someone decided I was being a mean mommy. Ugh. It was because I scolded lo for putting her open mouth on a public bathroom counter. She's about to turn 3 and knows not to touch things in public bathrooms.. it's not like she's a little baby that mouths everything. This lady came over and I can't remember exactly what she said but she was basically telling lo she was a good girl as though she needed praise or positive reinforcement. The vast majority of the time lo and I don't interact that way but I just do not want her doing that period!! I was annoyed. Sorry that happened to you. I think sometimes people are uncomfortable seeing kids uncomfortable and rush in to rescue them when they don't need it!
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Is it possible he was just trying to help? Maybe I am missing something.
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I had something somewhat similar happen recently. I kept telling my son to stop doing something as I didn't appreciate the bahviour and I didn't want him bothering the woman next to us. After I said stop a few times, the woman said "it's ok, he's fine". I retorted that it was not fine as I had asked him to stop several times and he wasn't obeying me. It didn't matter that the woman wasn't bothered by it, it mattered that he wasn't obeying. So I get that you are annoyed by the dad's actions. He was probably just trying to be helpful though.
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I think it must be because you know the parents and family. As an outsider it just seems like he felt sorry for your child but I would totally understand how you felt too if I knew this family.
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He probably couldn't hear the exchange between you and your son, but he backed you up once you told him because he said "listen to your mom". I can see how you would be annoyed, but I do think he was just trying to help!
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I think it's because you know the family. My guess is he was just trying to be nice. Sorry you are upset.
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I have been that dad before. If I see a parent or a small child that looks like they need a little help I jump right in without of course knowing all that transpired and exactly why the parent needs help.
Even if your son was right next to you wouldn't he have still gotten rained on?
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@lamariniere: I've been that person before- I always want a way to tell the parent that I'm not bothered, without undermining their parenting. Usually I hope an understanding smile to them when the kid isn't looking suffices...
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From his response, it does sound like he was trying to be helpful. I think its something like when a stranger offers to help me carry my stroller up the subway stairs when i am by myself. But i can see why you are upset! Sorry.
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From an outsider's perspective, it sounds like he was just trying to help by making sure your son was safe while you were busy with your daughter's carseat. I don't know the layout but I'd be nervous to see a toddler standing near a parking lot at drop-off/pick-up time when the parent couldn't grab them at a moment's notice if they decide to run off. Especially if I know the kid has already been upset and not listening. So I'd assume he was trying to lend a hand, not undermine you...but I wasn't there and don't know anyone involved, which can change the perspective.
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