As the title reads, I'm curious as to what others would do in our situation. I have lived in Australia for nearly 7 years, my parents live 4 hours flight (overseas), while DH's family are also 2 hours flight (interstate) away. We have a 17mo LO. And a dog! We are trucking along here, I'm currently sahm - but sometimes wonder if life would be a million times easier if we just moved to my smaller/quieter hometown & enjoyed the comforts of family and good friends close by. Our families come and visit a few times a year but it's getting harder to say goodbye each time...especially since we are starting to think about having another baby. Interested in others' thoughts...would you stay in a big, fun city (with no babysitters or trusted support network), or move back home?! Thanks for reading! 
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@Nutella: I live in Australia as well, and I am originally American! My parents live in New York, and my husband and I currently live in the town his parents do. We are going to be moving back to my hometown, so my parents (who are older than his) get more time with their grandkids when we do have children. I'd say do whatever makes you and your husband happy! Never live your life with regrets. I know if we don't move back to my hometown that I will regret it.
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Yes, if it's best for the family and everyone will be happier, than most definitely! It sounds like you're pretty close to you family and it's pretty common to move close after having kids. How does your DH feel about moving? Does he have a job lined up?
I live abroad and as much as I sometimes miss my friends and family, I know we're where we should be. However, I don't have a big family and the relationship with my mom works best over Skype and visits
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It really depends on you and your family. We currently live in a different country from both sets of parents. We would never move close to my dad (in the U.S.) for economic reasons and it is really not a place that would suit our lifestyle. My inlaws live in France and, while I would love to move back to France, again, we, and especially my husband, have better economic opportunities where we are currently. This arrangement works for my husband and I, but it definitely isn't for everyone.
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Thanks ladies! Yes, it totally is one of those situations that is unique to each family...I do wonder if it's the winter blues setting in that is increasing the homesickness!
@sugarplumsmom DH is supportive of the idea to move, but would need to sort a new job first. He is a bit daunted by the idea but really, I am more anxious about moving him from his home country - starting completely fresh in terms of work networks, friends etc.
We have moved house a number of times in the past few years so we are a bit worried that we will continue this pattern over there
I don't know when we will ever find our place in the world!I agree @aderyn - never want to live with regrets! Hopefully we make the right call
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I'm from Canada but live in Sydney now, so I'm a 16 hr flight from my family. My husband is from here, so we live close to his mum, and we don't see his dad despite him living in the same city (don't get me started on that). Basically we have a wonderful life here and career wise it makes more sense for us both to be here. I miss my family a lot, but my parents are retired and come visit us for months at a time, whereas my husband's mum still works and is on a tight budget, so if we lived in Canada she would probably not be able to visit. For now, it makes sense...we will reassess as the years pass.
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@ScarletBegonia: thanks for that, Canada is even further away than NZ so I definitely empathise! It def has its pros & cons, I'm pretty independent & enjoy doing my own thing but something about babies has just changed the perspective...and now I want it all!!
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My husband is European and I am American. We have family on two continents and it' hard, I'll be honest, because we're alway at least a plane ride away from pat of the family.
When my son was born we were living in Europe. My husband and I ultimately decied to relocate to the US near my parents and it has been great because they provide a lot of care for my son.
There's no right answer, I have found, there are pros and cons to each situation, it comes down to how well you can deal with the cons!
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We are in a similar situation. We are both from small towns in England and have huge families there. DH and I moved to Canada almost six years ago and our second child is due next month. We have no support network as such, but, I have some great mum friends now who I know I can call on in an emergency. And, because my daughter doesn't really know her family back in England at this point, I probably am more comfortable leaving her with one of my friends here who she knows and loves like family. Anyway, we are probably going to go back home late this year or early next year because we do feel like we should have a go at raising our kids near family.we are very torn though, we love life here and although England is our home it isn't our daughter's, she was born here and everything she knows and loves is here. It will be very hard to take her away from it.
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@travelgirl1: yep - very similar to us! I am also torn, I think it literally depends on the mood I'm in! Still working on developing my local mum network here as that in itself is a hard task when it's not your hometown. The idea of moving away - again - isn't entirely appealing for that reason, it's nice to be able to just stay put & enjoy living rather than moving around all the time. I think I really need to change my viewpoint of the grass bring greener...as others have said there will always be pros & cons!
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Too many dynamics to just comment without knowing more. Would I leave a fun city and move "back home?" Probably never. But would I "be willing to move to another country for family I loved?" Sure!
I don't have any family help or support at all. I moved to our city to be near my Grandfather and Dad, sadly both have passed, and I am not close to my mum (who lives across the country). She lives in an area without opportunities as well.
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@looch: sounds like it was a good decision & that it worked out well for you guys! Couldn't agree more about the pros and cons!
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@Nutella: I'll be honest, my husband is having a challenging time...he left behind his family and friends, a job he knew, and it's not so easy to just make new friends. He's also an introvert. It helps that he knows and speaks the language...that was a huge hindrance for me when I lived abroad.
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We were in a similar situation - I'm an American but was living in Australia with my Aussie/British husband. His parents were living in England most of the time we were in Australia, or halfway across the country from us when they were in Aus, and of course my family was in the US. We weren't super happy in Australia, but that was mainly because DH's work had us in the less desirable, remote parts of Australia. We knew DH's parents were moving back to the UK permanently this year, so we decided we were going to leave Aus permanently as well.
It was a hard choice deciding between the US to be near my family, and the UK to be near his family, but in the end, we chose the UK for a variety of reasons, not the least which was that the lifestyle here better suited our preferences for the kind of upbringing we'd like to have for our girls. We also knew the job market was better for DH, which was a huge factor considering we were moving without a job and had a 23 month old and a 4 month old!
What started giving us the itch to move back north was the birth of our first LO. We were living in Brisbane then, a perfectly lovely city, and were enjoying it, but we just felt like something was missing, and that something was the contact with our families. That feeling only grew stronger as our LO grew older and of course with moving to such remote regions, that really cemented the idea that we didn't care how good the money was, we wanted to have a close relationship with our families.
We've been back in England for nearly a year now, living near DH's sister and some of his extended family. DH's parents just moved back last month as well and it has been absolutely fantastic having grandparents ten minutes up the road who can pop in whenever and spend lots of time with their grandkids. Of course England is also closer to America so my family can come visit fairly frequently as well, but from my experience, it has definitely been a game changer having close family within 'coffee distance' (a distance that makes it practical to just pop in for a tea/coffee without having to plan in advance).
Sorry for the long rambling post!
ETA: somehow I cut off the last main paragraph I was writing - basically the long and short of it is that you need to look at all the factors for where you are and where you are planning to be and see which one sounds more desirable to you. I will admit, it was awfully scary moving without a job and having absolutely no idea where we were going to end up, but we sort of live by the mentality that anything really worth having requires some hard yards to be put in first. It was a seven month process for us once we started our move, but it all worked out brilliantly. DH has an amazing job he loves, we bought a fantastic house in a brilliant location, and the girls have settled in really well. The only thing still outstanding is to develop a friendship network but that just takes time. Right now we're taking baby steps with attending playgroups a few times per week but I'm optimistic the rest will fall into place in time....
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@looch: this is what I'm bit wary of too. I moved to Melbourne completely on my own when I was single, and had to do the whole establishing social groups & friendships from scratch! It was hard, but a lot easier then before becoming part of a couple...I have met way less new friends since getting married. And my DH is also way less social than me! So while he thinks it'll be ok, I feel like it will be a much bigger change.
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I would consider it if I liked the area, schools were great, and the job opportunities were there for both me and DH!
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We have a similar situation. My retired mother lives in the south of the US (and two of my sisters live in the same small town), and DH's entire family lives in either Canada (his parents and his dad's whole extended family are in the suburbs of Toronto) or Australia (his mom's whole extended family is in Melbourne).
We currently live just outside NYC. Dh went to Uni for a year in Melbourne and still has friends and family there, and he'd love to be closer to his family in Toronto. His parents are retired as well and are available to help his sister and her kids because they live in the same town.
I wouldn't mind moving closer to MY family in the south.
But the bottom line is, although I can work almost anywhere as a teacher, DH works in finance, and he just hasn't seen any good opportunities in either Atlanta or Toronto just yet. He goes through spurts of kind of looking and not finding, so we are sticking here for now.
With two working parents, a toddler and another baby on the wa,y and 0 family help here, it is really hard when our LO gets daycare illnesses all the time.
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@Ree723: Thank you for your story! I love the term 'coffee distance'!! It would be like chalk & cheese moving from Darwin to England!! That's great that it's closer for your family too. Would love our parents to be in coffee distance from us - just the option of spontaneity would be a def game-changer. But it's funny how you just be used to whatever your 'new normal' is!
I think (hopefully) the time will present itself to us when it's right for us, We are still recovering from our latest house move, so need to be more than 100% sure before we move overseas!
I don't know when we will ever find our place in the world!
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