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@meredithNYC: If my child slept from 7-7:30, the entire world could do without me to protect that. Man, I'd be fierce about that too. But we do 10-7 over here, so I'm just a little sleep/free time deprived. But we can do things in the evening! Nope, not as good.
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@sorrycharlie: yeah, we are so easy going about most stuff, I'm sure it drives other parents crazy. We wash our hands a lot, but feel that dirt and some germs are good for the immune system
To each their own, ya know!
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I'm sure I get judged on:
- DS's behavior at times. He has a super-sonic scream when he gets tired.
- My attempts at a strict adherence to a schedule. If they get too tired... well, see note above. People without kids judge this, just like I did when I didn't have kids.
- I'll let the kids try almost any of my food. Just a taste, obvs, if it's something not that great for them, but they've tried ice cream, and I given each of them a fry to chew on while we were out and I was trying to avoid a melt down.
- We've been judged by the more religious sector on doing IVF. I don't care- they can bite me. -
Co-sleeping and what I feed her. Sometimes I give her lunch meat and a chicken hot dog, they're low salt and it's easy. She can't have egg, wheat, or milk, (plus maybe coconut and oats) I don't have the luxury to feed her any other easy foods. Plus it's only in occasion.
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@sarac: we do the same with my 9 month old. We've just found if we don't react to his falls he gets over it quick and moves on. When I rush to him and cuddle him, he cries even harder and longer. My mom was horrified the first time she witnessed me doing this. She's been giving me a hard time lately and sometimes I've coddled him when he falls in front of her just to avoid the confrontation with her.
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oh, probably everything.
LO side or tummy slept from 3 months old (he could roll front to back already, and had amazing neck strength and control from day 1).
he slept with blankets until he was 6 months old when we gave in and got a sleep sack because he would push the blankets away then wake up cold and crying
i leave him to play by himself in his playpen most of the day, otherwise all he does is whine and climb all over me. i guess i'm not a very good playmate?
i bathed him in the big person bath basically right away
like a PP (i'm not sure who, i think it's on the previous page) i don't rush to him when he hurts himself. if he needs snuggles to make it better he'll let me know. otherwise he gets up and gets over it himself
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@mrskc: Right??? Sometimes if it's a bad fall I'll pick her up and try to snuggle her - and then usually she'll wriggle out and just run right back to what she's doing. She's like her father - she just wants to have her feelings, and then get back to business. She doesn't need a lot of cuddling when she's hurt.
And so much with the licking things in public! My toddler crawls all over rocks and the ground and tries to drink water out of fountains and basically exposes herself to every germ everywhere. She really loves to taste sand and dirt. She's going to have a killer immune system - but I can see how crazy it makes people.
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@mrskc: we can't win!
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probably that she doesn't have a nap schedule, or that I am still BF at 14 months.
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I'm still pregnant but my friends totally judge me for wanting to cloth diaper (in fact I actually lied recently when asked if I was going to cloth diaper, I said no even though we plan to try it, I just don't want others in my business), we have also been judged for being team green, which seems silly, why it should matter to anyone else or effect anyone other than us is beyond me, but many people were not happy about it!
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I'm not a mom yet but my family judges me already for my crunchiness.
You want a HOMEBIRTH?
A midwife?? Do you want to die?
No pain meds? Haha you think that now!
Making your own baby food? Ain't nobody got time fo dat
Cloth diapering? Uh...okay. -
@lemondrop: I LOL'd at that pic. I would laugh, too. It's so cute.
I'm not a parent yet but I wonder if other parents judge me for the things that I buy because I don't have kids. Yes, I bought a new car and have been on a few big trips. They have no idea that I'm struggling with IF and that I would give everything that I've spent to comfort my IF for a child right now. I think I feel like parents and possibly coworkers think I want to be childless because of how long I've been married and not getting pregnant yet.
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@lemondrop: Your son looks like he has the most fun personality! Your IG pics crack me up.
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@rawrasaur: I did the same thing on the 4th. She really liked chewing on the crushed ice.
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I put strawberry syrup in DS's whole milk, he would have nothing to do with it a couple months ago. Now it's such a teeny amount - half a teaspoon for 5 oz - that I feel I could just stop, but I haven't.
Also, I get judged for 'still' nursing twice a day...especially from ppl that know I'm pregnant. -
@Mrs. Polish: My dd looks less so now but when she was a younger infant her Asian side really showed through and it's all from her dad.. I got a lot of "what is she?" from strangers. I know it's not as stark a difference as black and white, but still, I kind of get it. Sometimes when my mom (white) comes to visit and we go out with lo (Asian looking) and me (brown...most people have no idea what I am) we get some weird looks. You're not alone!
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Oh gosh let me count the ways...
- Choosing to have a natural med-free birth
- Planning to breastfeed for at least two years
- BFing her on demand and not having her on a schedule
- Letting her have a pacifier
- Cosleeping, and not putting an end date on it
- Not allowing any electronics whatsoever
- Delaying certain vaccines
- Taking her overseas to live at a young age
- Cloth diapering
- Not planning to spank
- Letting DH baby wear her 90% instead of me (he's stronger!)
- Taking her out anywhere and everywhere, regardless of the hour
- BFing in public... the horror!
Etc... -
Not breastfeeding. Not immediately deciding I'd try again next time.
Not making all of DD's purees.
Not being happy as a new parent. (Seriously I think unless you've experienced ppd, you just don't get it, so I guess I get this judgment in a way..) Not being a "baby person."
I don't think I've been judged for this because it's in my home and people don't know about it, but leaving the tv on pretty much all day. Dd isn't interested in it aside from trying to poke it/the cable box light, but it boosts my mood to have a noisy house when we're home.
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@Arden: Someone has judged you for not planning to spank? Like in a "just you wait" way? Or like "spanking is good for kids" way? Curious. I don't plan to spank either.
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@googly-eyes: Both. "Just you wait, if you don't spank your child will turn into a monster and THEN you will see the error of your ways and start spanking her" kind of thing. I've gotten this from more than one person.
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@Arden:
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During pregnancy I was judged for doing CrossFit. Hell hath no fury like my mom seeing me lift a barbell over my head at nine months. Yes, I wanted pictures of it for me. No, DH I did not want them on Facebook so I could hear EVERYONE's opinion.
I'm currently being judged for returning to work and having LO in daycare. Some by some very vocal friends but also by coworkers. Maybe it's just me being sensitive but I feel judged when coworkers ask me where LO is and I reply daycare. Everyone frowns. What is that? Many coworkers have told me I should get a nanny. Thanks, higher ups. When I have a senior VP paycheck I'll be sure to do that. Others tell me they only went back because their mom/mil could watch the baby. Mine are too far away for that. Daycare isn't perfect but I didn't leave her on the side of the highway.
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Being a blogger, I know exactly what I get judged on
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My parents were aghast that I held my LO to sleep for the first 3 months of her life. I think that was the only judgey comment I got IRL. Thank goodness!
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Reading through these made me a little sad. I'm going to try to practice more compassion for my fellow moms!
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Hahahaha, this list might turn into reasons why I'm a shitty parent! J/K
Well, I most certainly get a lot of crap about LO's height and weight, and why he's so little (even though I don't think he's THAT little.) When I visited my family, that was like the theme, that my breastmilk wasn't good enough, that our decision to let him self-feed was silly, that my food options were unhealthy (they're not - I'm sure of that!), the idea that I wanted to breastfeed past a year, the rigid nap times and early bedtime, that I wasn't teaching/talking to him enough, blah blah blah. (Most of these comments were from my mother, but my relatives made the size comments as well!) Omg, I think I even got crap for our eating habits, like we were elitist for eating organic or something!
Silently, I think I'm judged for being a SAHM! Also, whenever we go out, I pretend that his cloth diapers are shorts. He doesn't wear socks/shoes either, so we might appear sloppy? Hahaha. Also, we're quite rigid with his naps, so we might be considered party-poopers to some friends.
All in all, I'm sure my mother has lots more to say! *Eye roll*
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Potty training early!
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Ooh, I thought of another one! I got a ton of judgement for not wanting to share our LO's name before birth! My crazy boss still complains about that and he's three months old!
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@Mrs. Jacks: LOL!
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@Danizaur: I never understood why people think making baby food is so time consuming or hard??? Steam some squash, mash it up! Open a banana, scrape it off! I don't get it... *shrug*
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Sleep training at 4 weeks (My LO is now 8.5 months old and still sleeps through the night, we still haven't had any regressions!)
Not soothing her as soon as she starts crying or running to her if she minorly hurts herself.
Babyled weaning, DH posted a video of LO eating pear slices at 6 months and she was gagging on them, no one said anything to us but I'm sure they were judging!
I think my SIL judges me for not making separate organic super healthy meals for LO. She just eats what we do most of the time.
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Not a parent yet, but I got lots of comments from ILs for the first 2 years of our marriage that I better hurry up & get pregnant before its too late. Thankfully DH got through to them eventually and it stopped. I know they probably were still silently judging our choice to wait to TTC but at least they didn't share it!
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@birdofafeather: agreed.
I know I've been judged for waiting to start solids. I'm sick of hearing it and pretty annoyed at some of my family. When LO was 3mo old at his christening party I had a room full of people boohoo me bc i wouldn't let him taste icing. Oh and at a party the other day my FIL was tempting baby with a bowl of cheese curls. When I gave him the evil eye he said - "Oh i just like seeing you get fired up." - oh really? WTF?!
For still being sad/bitter about having a c-section and already starting my quest for a VBAC. People think i should just be grateful that I have a healthy baby and get over it. - thanks a lot.
Because I'm a FTM and research things to make informed decisions for my son especially ones that are against the perceived "norm".
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i've been judged for a few things IRL but i try not to let it bother me.
-waiting until close to 6 months to start solids
-having her on a schedule and not being go with the flow when it comes to napping and bedtime
-my 8 month old still not STTN
-nursing/rocking to sleep for all naps -
Oh I forgot....giving him a pacifier, my mom thought it was awful that we had DS in our room(in a PnP) for the first 4 months, not allowing my 14 month old to have a sucker! Seriously? He's 14 months old, he doesn't need a sucker!!
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Man, I don't know if its where I live, or I'm just oblivious, but I have never heard anyone say anything to me about our parenting choices, or give us the side eye about having her out / breastfeeding / changing cloth diapers.
I know that those judgements are out there, but for the most part my choices are pretty inline with my socioeconomic group.
I'm really sorry for those of you who have experienced this! -
@sarac: I'm the same way. When LO falls she'll have this sad face, look at me, and i'll just clap my hands and say, "shake it off, you're good!" It's only if she had a really bad fall that i'll go to console her. I really dislike it when LO trips or has a minor fall people around us will go, "oh! are you ok??????" If i tried to prevent everything from going into her mouth, that would be my full-time job. After a while, i just had to pick and choose what things were too gross to put in her mouth.
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@sarac: We're taking a similar route with injuries. He's just started walking, and when he falls down or bumps something he looks to me, and if I looked frantic/upset he'd immediately start wailing, but if I stay calm and not really reacting he pulls himself back up and goes on his way. If he hits something hard and immediately starts screaming without that pause I'll immediately go to him and give him love but I'll still stay calm Nd casual about it (at least outwardly).
I've gotten judgey comments about:
*Co-sleeping and letting him nap on me for 6 months (ONLY way he'd sleep!)
*BLW
*BFing on demand
*The variety of foods I offer (something that has a kick, oh no!)
*CDing (this one got the most comments)
*Using a stroller more than baby-wearing
*CIO
*Letting him have a pacifier
*His bedtime. It's 9pm. It works best for us. But some of the rude looks I've gotten for having him out after 7... -
I got a *ton* of grief about my LO not STTN (OMG the number of times I heard just let her cry it out, or you need to feed her cereal/solids in/with her bottle *augh*) . . . LO had *horrible* reflux and it seriously disrupted her sleep pattern . . . and mine . . . for 9 long months. It wasn't until she had to have SURGERY (at 8 months) to correct the issue that I got a *pass*. Like it finally occurred to the critics that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't doing it wrong!
Generally speaking, more people just need to STFU already. Newsflash: IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU! If someone wants to share their experiences, fine. If we are having a conversation and our opinions/experiences differ, fine. But when someone tells me that my decision on [enter issue here] is ignorant, misguided, or wrong, they have crossed the line. They don't know what they don't know (as per my example above). And quite frankly, it isn't any of their business anyway (unless I choose to make it their business). So yeah . . . if you can't be supportive and/or you don't have all the facts, STFU and let me raise my child, please and thank you!
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Cloth diapering would be number one for me. I've had lots of discussions with me having to defend why I would want to deal with the mess of cloth diapering.
I've also gotten lots of comments in the past on why I should be a SAHM (especially from my old fashioned, sexist dad) and how much time I was missing with my DS. Now that I'm a SAHM, I feel judged for NOT working.
To each their own, ya know!
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